I want to start my comic again

[Rai_Muffin]

I want to see if anyone else has this problem,
because it's something I've been struggling with for a long time.

There have been at least 5 times I tried to start my comic, Raikiri. Initially, I felt happy with what I did, but over time my confidence dropped and I felt the need to start again.
Because it wasn't good enough.
In the long term, it was very good for my work; my early writing and artwork were pretty crap compared to what I can do now (still not great, but better than it was). For the last 5 years, I've been working on this series and again initially was feeling good about it.

Lately, though my confidence has dropped dramatically.
I've had trouble gaining readers and a recent failed IndieGoGo campaign made it hard to find the motivation.
It's gotten to the point where I want to start again,
and maybe this time my new version will be good enough.
Will be perfect.
Rather than improve my new chapters my lacklustre early chapters are putting people off.

And yet, I'm not sure that's why I want to do it.

Recently I've gotten into Bleach Brave Souls, a gotcha game that recently came to consoles.
And I kept restarting the game over and over again.
Because I wasted my level-up gems too early.
Because I wasn't playing the story levels "correctly" with the proper characters at the proper levels.
It got so bad that I had to buy an in-game purchase (the cheapest possible. Less than £1) because that meant I couldn't restart the game anymore. It locked me in and prevented me from restarting.

And that's not a unique problem I have.
Red Dead Redemption 2 took me way too long because I felt that my play wasn't "correct".
I had to do a challenge between missions, sleep at the correct time, not fast travel, the list goes on.
If I broke these self-imposed rules then I had to delete my save or it wouldn't stop bothering me.

So I can't help but wonder,
is the problem that my comic isn't good enough, or am I just crazy?

Sorry for going on,
but I needed to get this off my chest. Typing it out helped me get these thoughts in order.
Does anyone else have this issue?
How do you deal with it?
Is it better to restart the whole story or am I just committing to a cycle that's preventing me from finishing my story?

Thanks for reading.

[KevinReijnders]

I feel like you might benefit from smaller projects, projects that you can finish in a more reasonable time than 5 years. You'll have artistic growth between each project and won't feel like your entire story is uneven because of it.

Working on one big project for multiple years is a massive commitment only few can make, especially in an unpaid/hobby adjecent situation where it feels unfullfilling due to lack of external engagement.

If you feel this is a cycle you fall into a lot, best try to work within those limitations instead of against it.

[AmysGames]

The urge to restart your comic over and over is a perfectionist tendency that a LOT of artists have. I always say to avoid it at all costs, because it's a never ending cycle. There will always come a point where you're no longer satisfied with your old work. There will always be days where you're just not feeling it. As @KevinReijnders said, it's a massive commitment, and it's one where you absolutely must come to terms with letting your work be imperfect, or you will get stuck in that cycle.

I agree that if this is a recurring problem for you, then maybe shorter projects might be the way to go.

[conventurecomics]

I restarted my comic few times. Stuck with the one style that got traction for my comic. I left the first episode how it is and improved the style of my art over time.It's fun to see how your style slightly changes but maintains its integrity original look.

[ArtGremlin]

Both of the comics I’ve started I’ve also restarted, but I don’t think I will ever restart either again because I’ll want to move onto different projects. I think the reason I restarted both was because of a lack of planning on my part, so my recommendation is to work on a project with a realistic end, and make sure to plan ahead before starting.

[daeygurart]

Tbh the ending sounds a lot like OCD but i'm not a therapist, but I can also relate to starting the comics again over and over. i would delete my comics and then restart. I honestly think it was because I didn't have 1: a script, 2: the comic thumbnailed and sketched out, and 3: finished before I published it. So, if you're anything like me I would plan the whole comic out (maybe the first season or whatever) and do character sketches and concept art. Script your story, and then begin drawing it out.

P.S. I used to play Skyrim religiously and would do the same playthrough style over and over again because I was stuck in a cycle. It got to the point that I had to get rid of my laptop completely because I couldn't stop. So, yeah I kinda relate.

[daeygurart]

Also to answer one of your questions: yes, you're falling into a cycle that's making it impossible to complete your comic. You're going to have to get out of your comfort zone and try to fight the urge to rinse and repeat.

[EverydayWonderlander]

I wholeheartedly agree with what others have said; trying smaller projects first may help you get used to the idea that Done > Perfect. My early comics are painful to look at as someone who's grown closer to the style I was chasing, but I find that the audience is interested in seeing growth.

For the pages that make me cringe, I've resolved to finish the entire "part" that I'm working on and then revise them for print. A remastering, if you will. I think that may also be a solution, at least for some.

However, some of the actions you describe might be above the paygrade of a simple forum - perhaps a support group or a good friend could help ease your worries. There is always some kind of alternative to bottling things up inside, especially if you're worrying for your sanity.