Well, the reincarnation theme is not new, but then nothing is and Tapas 2 best sellers of both novels and comics have this idea. Which can be good or bad depending on how you look at it.
The hopping between first and third person narration is not good. In the same paragraph it's "I" and "he" and this is very confusing. If the first person lines are thoughts, present this text as thoughts.
I'd say the text is written like a very pressed script for a comic. No depictions of surroundings, how people look like, where is the hero, nothing at all. Which is not great for a novel, people want to read something, not just dialogue lines.
And this "nostalgia hits Keith" "eyes start to waver" - you don't write a story like this, really. How does it hit him? Not with a frying pan I presume. So you have to write and describe all this stuff =) Again, it shouldn't look like a very compressed script for a comic.
