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feuersichel
Apr '17

Hi there.

I'm sorry for opening a new topic for my problem but I really need some critique on my comic: The story of Osram5
My comic is made traditionally with markers and color-pencils. The story doesn't really know, what genre it should be ^^' It's a silly fantasy-romance-adventure kinda thing that tries to be funny.

I know my art isn't that good and it changed quite a lot durring the past year. So here are some WIP pages that shows my recent progress the best:

I use these two fonts for my comic. Do you think they appeal or are they crapy to read? I know, it's a lot of text in the bubble, I'll try to reduce that.

This page is pretty much finished. If you see something you like or dislike, please tell me smile

Artwise, this is my most recent state. The colors aren't finished though.

Of course, if you want, you can critique the whole story and how it's told (is it borring, to slow, to fast...) But I'm really thankfull for critique on the pages above smile

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    Apr '17

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    May '17
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revisionstudios
Apr '17

I just read the story, and the art is improving a lot over time! Doing these comics is definitely helping you, especially with figures. Also really happy to see that you're not shying away from backgrounds. Keep it up.

So far, the genre seems predominantly rom-com! With a nice fantasy and adventure backing, of course. I think it's a lot of fun and the two main characters are interesting to watch.

I have a couple tips for you:

  • Maybe try using a ruler for paneling, and a thinner pen? Your art is getting a lot more crisp but the paneling isn't, and I think that's holding it back. Since the lines are so much thicker than the character lines, too, it draws unnecessary attention to the panel outlines.

  • If you have Photoshop or something with text and effects, I would recommend trying to do the text AND the bubbles digitally. That way you can make them the size you need around the text, rather than trying to fit it into the space you've provided traditionally.

  • As for fonts, I can't really see the differences from the image you uploaded--it's too small to read on the thread. But in general, try to stick to one font whenever possible. You can change it for certain situations, just ask yourself "does this add something? Why can't I use the other font?" and once you decide, keep it consistent.

  • See if you can find someone to proofread and help you trim down dialogue. There aren't so many errors that it takes me out of the story or anything, but there were times where the wrong form of the word was used, the grammar was off, or the dialogue was redundant. The biggest thing that helps me when writing believable dialogue is saying it out loud to myself and see if it feels natural.

  • Lastly, some of the character conflicts seem forced and a little shallow. For example: I don't know why things escalated in pg 50 and why he ended up so mad at her? I could understand frustration, or there being some tension between them, but I get the feeling it was escalated for the sake of drama. There were a couple other times I felt that way too. I really would love to see more nuance from these characters, and communication between each other about what's bothering them instead of just ranting in their heads.

  • On the topic of getting to know the characters: all I see so far are funny bickering moments or one making ignorant assumptions about the other. (at least, for the most part) These are good tools to weave information in, but it shouldn't be the only way. I'd love to see points of weakness, genuine happiness, consideration for the other person, etc. as they spend more time together.

Those were just my immediate thoughts upon reading it! I want to emphasize that I still enjoyed it and that you're doing a good job. I subbed, so I'm really looking forward to seeing your progress!

feuersichel
Apr '17

Thank you so much for your critique and for the sub smiley This helped me alot.
Are the spelling mistakes in the other pages, too? Those three pages above aren't prooveread, the other ones are.

With the characters it's a little difficult for me. I kinda want to show her as a selfcentred, loud and anoying person. Generally speaking: She want's to bee seen as a strong and independent women, in order to protect her fragile center.
He on the other hand, yes I think I overdid his reactions. I haven't noticed that he went off the character I planed for him. So thanks from bringing me back on the ground xD

I also want to try and improve the other issues you noticed. The part with the bubbles bothered me since a while but I don't have a program to fix that (I use Gimp). Also I fear it will take that traditionally aspect, but I see your point. Another option would be to premake some bubbles and insert them as another layer. this would allow me to arange the bubble around the text.

Also thanks again for your help. I'll give my best to improve : )

revisionstudios
Apr '17

I don't have time to go over it again to find the examples, but yes I remember there being some errors on the pages already posted! If I get a moment I'll look at them again.

And yeah, I do get the vibe you're trying to go for with her! Just make sure you also show that vulnerable/insecure side of her eventually. It's easier to like a loud, even annoying character if you understand them. It would flesh her out!

Hmm, I've never used GIMP so I can't speak much to that... but the only other program I can think of being useful to you for bubbles would be Clip Studio Paint. I'm pretty sure it's normally less than $100 and sometimes they have big sales on it. I got my copy for $15. It's basically a program geared specifically towards comic making, and from what I've seen, making word bubbles and stuff is super easy. If you get the chance, I think it's something worth trying out, but if not you'll be okay continuing as you have been. Maybe just try to give them a little more room.

Making "generic" bubbles might work too, but you'd need a lot of different shapes and sizes for it to work! It's a good idea to try.

No problem though, I'm glad you found the feedback helpful. smile

8 days later
feuersichel
Apr '17

No need to go through them again. As my english got better, I found some mistakes myself (Jay!)

This sounds like a nice program, especially if it saves time. I'll have a look at it : )

jflores001
Apr '17

I'd second the earlier suggestions. I would also maybe suggest since you're using a lot of traditional work then hand letter the fonts as well--try an all block letter of your handwriting. I like the idea of maybe premaking bubbles but then the problem would be knowing how big to make it to fit each unique piece of dialogue, which again you might help by hand lettering. Or you could try making a font of your own handwriting. (there's a free online program that'll do it somewhere....)

Mainly visually I think you have a unique style--it's sort of wacky which seems to suit your narrative. One thing is that you can definitely benefit from some perspective practice. I've been reading a book titled 'Perspective! For Comic Book Artists' by David Chelsea and it's really good. I wouldn't want you to lose the style you have going in favor or realism bc like i said I like the wackiness--it's unique--but definitely I think that maybe it can evolve still with some technical practice.

feuersichel
May '17

Thank you for your help : )
A font of my handwriting? That really sounds interesting. I'll have a look at that program. I quit doing the bubbles with handwriting a while ago, because it was complicated to change mistakes. But if it's digitaliced it would be much more easy.

Hm, the perspective is still that bad? I know I had a big problem with that matter at the beginning. So I guess some intensive study of perspective wouldn't be too bad ^^ Thanks for the tip with the book : )

LindseyLeeMiller
May '17

I third the earlier suggestions, particularly about the handwriting. As a mostly traditional artist myself I have to say that its a rare once in a blue moon moment when digital lettering goes well with a traditional comic. When handwriting letters its easier if you write out all your dialogue first and then form the bubbles around it. You can use a simple ruler, or an Ames Lettering Guide. http://www.artofthecomicbook.com/images/materials/amesguide-twothirds.gif
These help with consistency and can help when you need to adjust different lettering sizes.
You can also use a program to turn an alphabet you traditionally created into a font file. There are a few possible programs, I'm personally familiar with the program Fontlab. They offer a free trial if I remember correctly. Although font programs can be finniky and frustrating, I think font lab is great for copying/pasting/resizing traditional fonts that you've scanned into the computer. I had to use it for a class a couple times in university.

Also I love the detail in all your panels but alot of it can be hidden by the bubbles. Maybe pacing out your comic a bit slower so you can have more room for your speech bubbles will allow more of your background details to get their sense to shine. Your character designs and color choices are very distinctive so its easy to follow long with your different characters. Good luck! I love your improvement, your time has been well spent smiley