I'm not a comic creator

[keii4ii]

I'm not a comic creator.

But I make a comic. A lot of time, blood and sweat goes into it. It's called HoK (an abbreviation; the exact title isn't important for this discussion). I'm extremely passionate and serious about it.

I'm a/the "HoK creator," but not a "comic creator."

What's the difference? It means I have no dreams of making more comics once HoK is done. I might still make more, but at this time, I have no desire to do so. I don't dream of spending my life as a comic creator, professional or not.

One unfortunate corollary is that as far as my eyes can see, HoK is my swan song comic.

Years ago, when I was working on a different comic series, I had the same mindset. Someone complimented how promising my work was, and surmised that my next series would really be something. My heart sank when I saw their comment. They did not mean anything bad by it; objectively, it was not a harsh comment at all. But... what about THIS one? What about my baby, the one I'm cradling in my arms right now? Are you saying this baby isn't good enough?

So that was about my previous comic. With my current one, so far no one has made a similar comment, but I hear it in my head all the time. It's not good enough. It's promising, you're improving, but you're not there yet. With the skill you acquire over the course of working on HoK for years, maybe you can finally produce a masterpiece next time.

I don't care about whatever future comics I may or may not make. Not now. All I want is for THIS comic to be good.

The voice only repeats: it's not good enough. You're not there yet.

How much of this, if any, can you relate to?

[Kecreed]

That's really interesting that you have no intention of making another comic. Your the first person I've heard say that, most people have several ideas for making more and more comics. I always found it interesting that a lot of my classmates love comics and make some but would never go for it as a full job.

[keii4ii]

I have ideas for sure, but absolutely zero desire to actually make them into comics... except for the occasional <15-page shorts maybe.

[Kamikaze]

I think I've felt a lot of what you're feeling, and I gotta say that litte voice that says you're not good enough is never going to leave. Make peace with it. Listening to this guy talk has always made me feel a bit better on the subject on not being what I want, or where I want to be.

[AkitaKey]

While I personally do have long term plans in comic creating, I can certainly sympathise with the feeling of wanting the comic your're drawing currently to be perfect. Unfortunately there isn't really a way to ensure that what you do now will be as good as what you might be able to do in the future. That being said I think if you put your heart and soul in to something and truly want it to be the best you can do now, then it will turn out great.

[keii4ii]

@Kamikaze I've come across that one before, and I just can't relate to it. One size does not fit all (I know that's not what you were trying to say, but just explaining my position).

I was actually much happier as a creator when I was less skilled. I thought I sucked a whole lot, and I was okay with it. I was happy to be able to just make pictures even if they didn't come out good.

I strongly suspect this isn't about how good or bad I may be as a creator; rather, it's just unrelated unhappiness from life leaking over to my creative side. But even taking out the unhappy part, there's still a discussion to be had.

[Kecreed]

After a lot of thought I realized that something similar to the voice your hearing happened. Actually it happens to a lot of people. It could be perfectionism?

I went to a seminar in college that I had hoped would cure it. Unfortunately it didn't and I struggled with it for many years. What I realized was that because of it I was getting stuck on one piece and that it was better to just stop instead of over working something. Otherwise you might end up in a loop or lacking motivation to do anything anymore.

An art director/professor told me to never overwork a piece thinking it would be a masterpiece. Overworking a piece would weaken it and there are always future opportunities to do what we couldn't do in that piece. I now use the voice of perfectionism to just continue on to the next project and continue working. I think we all have that option to choose what piece/series we enjoy working on and is our own personal masterpiece. Though if some of us (like me) really have a bad case of perfectionism well my instructors would say that even the crappiest work (usually a rushed piece) has that one corner that is well done.

I honestly feel like that voice is probably why a lot of us go back and redo pages or a whole series. Heck I'm one of them. I'm definitely going to move on to something else once I'm done.

[MinNCompany]

This. I feel exactly like this.

I don't know about you personally and won't make any assumptions, but me personally, I'm not a writer. I'm a drawer that happens to have a story or two. My current webcomic's story just. . . uniquely called to me, I guess? It pestered me, not in a bad way but just in that way that urged me to come out of my comfort zone. . . (It's hard to articulate, ha)

[mariusthered]

while I can understand how you feel about doing no other series but the one your working on, I cannot for the life of me understand how you can doubt your talents?. I have been working on art for over 30 years and in all honesty some of the skies you paint just take my breath away, if you could bottle your talent and sell it ,i would buy some to top up my skills again. ( so push that doubt out your head, it will do your art nothing but harm)

[AnnaLandin]

While I can't quite relate to your lack of wish to make more comics once HoK is done, I can very much relate to that little voice that tells you it's not good enough, and that you're not there yet.

Because I have that voice too. Some days, it's a good thing - it spurs me into improving, into going further, into making more things - but a lot of the time it isn't. A lot of the time, it's that voice that makes me feel as if every page I draw is a compromise between what I wanted it to be, and what I'm actually capable of pulling off, and that my work isn't quite good enough because of it. And I desperately want it to be good, otherwise I wouldn't be creating it.

A lot of the time, it's that voice that makes me wonder if maybe I should just stop drawing entirely, because I'll never be good enough.

And it sucks, and it's really hard to deal with, and a lot of people who don't draw themselves have a hard time understanding just how difficult it is. It doesn't really matter how good we are at what we do objectively - that nagging voice can still hurt us. I'm pretty sure that nagging voice would be there even if I had the skills of a Rennaissance master.

I do hope you keep drawing comics once you've finished HoK - you're making a very good thing, and I'd love to see you make more good things - but if you don't, please don't think of it as a failure. Whatever you choose to do will be good enough.

[igneriss]

I want to draw comics. I have a lot of ideas just waiting to be drawn. But I still have this voice, telling me that my current comic is just not good enough. Or even, that it's not good at all.
But what can I do? It's the best I can do now. It won't get any better if I stop drawing it. At least it's quite nice to compare early pages to new ones and see some improvement. I know that this voice is not going to disappear, no matter what I do, so it's better to ignore it and just keep drawing.

[AngieVX]

I think a lot of comic artists feel the same, I mean the ones that tell stories, not just draw stories written by someone else. That's why I call myself a storyteller. I don't even call myself an artist. XD I have no idea if I'm going to make another comic. That would be too much of planning for such random a person as me! XD I have some plans about other creative projects. Also my comic was never planned as a comic in the first place. It has always been a different type of project, but I enjoy telling the story in this form. I think once you might get passionate about creating another big comic, but I think it's important to put all our passion in our current projects.

[mg78]

i spent years without an idea, thinking to be "done". now i feel to be as i was kid, full of ideas.
so, now i dont bother myself about the future. future it's not guaranteed.
and i dont spend too much time on me too. i change my ideas or way of life a lot, so stay here to plan or think it's another point vacuous.

but doing my drawing remain something positive for sure.
in the end: less mumbling, more fantasy.

[MichelleAntisocial]

I completely understand where you're coming from. I also have no real plans to make another comic after I finish Stray Cats (though I do have a strip comic that I work on sometimes). I just tend to focus completely on whatever I'm working on at the moment and try to make that the best that it can be.

[Luie]

it's not good enough. You're not there yet.

This.
Everyday.
Right now, even.
I know when things are good but there's always something telling me I can do better. Which is true, because I've seen my work progress and improve. But I always want to improve, and I like working at it. But I think this is because I'm afraid of putting something out there that won't be perpetually perfect in my eyes, and one day I'll look at it and cringe, even if it bothers nobody else.

But I like my story. I like working on it. I like getting better at drawing all the things, and I know what even if it's done and i still hate it, the experience of doing it will be a tremendous help for my drawing skill and creativity. Even if I end up nitpicking it, I'll still remember having fun doing it. Even if other people don't care for it, I'll have it forever. Even if I don't get the feedback I'd like, that doesn't mean my work shouldn't exist. It's not going to be a masterpiece forever, and it's not going to be a masterpiece for everybody. But that's not the point. The point is that it's a masterpiece now. You wouldn't love it if you didn't think it was, and that's what matters most. c:

[keii4ii]

The point is that it's a masterpiece now. You wouldn't love it if you didn't think it was

No, no, nononononononono no. You can love what it COULD be, but hate the way you're executing it. It's not a masterpiece if it's not executed well.

[Luie]

I'm using masterpiece in a colloquial sense. Things you love are masterpieces, even if they aren't perfect. What I'm finding more and more from comics here is that yes, you do need some planning and practicing to make something readable, but perfection is much less important than seeing how much fun a creator is having with their comic. Showing consistency, effort, and affection for your own comic is what makes it a masterpiece. Imperfections and mistakes and feelings of regret are always going to be there no matter how well your execution is. So why not focus on the best you can do now?

[keii4ii]

@Luie Well, there are two different things:

1. Being in love with your project
2. Being happy with your project('s quality/ reception/ etc)

Those are not the same thing. Sure, you can have both at the same time, but you could just as well have one without the other. And when you have only one out of the two, you can't just flip a switch and have both.

I imagine in most cases, when someone's switch is flipped to Unhappy for an extended period of time, it's because the switch is broken and they can't turn it back to happy/ it keeps flipping back to unhappy every time you turn it the other way. Nobody wants to be miserable.

@aronthemason Thank you! But it's not the visual aspect of my comic that I'm unhappy with. It's the writing. I need a good editor.

you're making a very good thing, and I'd love to see you make more good things - but if you don't, please don't think of it as a failure. Whatever you choose to do will be good enough.

While I strongly disagree with that last sentence (we ALL have seen terrible stories), it's true that we don't necessarily require objective perfection as consumers. "(Not) Good Enough" is such a nebulous phrase.

[hades]

before reading the rest of the thread:

To myself, I am not good enough. I am NOT a comic creator. Hell sometimes I question the legitimacy of being called an 'artist' if you want to dig into that deep debate. So, I can at least somewhat understand and empathize with where you stand.

I originally didn't plan to go into comics myself. They became an outlet to deal with a reading disorder that left me unable to sit down and properly write a novel or the fact that let's face it here I'll never get to make that animated movie I wanted to make. I'm a very small person [literally?] in a very large world. Due to this I was not expecting the sudden impact of support that began to grow as I drafted and redrafted and attempted this funny business called comicking. Then a few things clicked and here terrified of where to go next. Since I did not expect nor prepare for an influx of support or readers I have gone through various boughts of depression and panic attacks on how to handle this.

Is my comic good enough? Is my pacing okay? Are the characters lively? Is the art believable? Is the writing emotional and captivating? I became consumed. To the point that I wasn't even working on my comics anymore out of fear of only becoming a disappointment and failure. I couldn't handle it. I never wanted the limelight and just a glimpse of it put me as a deer in the headlights.

And honestly I can't say much more then I moved on. I started pushing myself to keep trying despite these feelings because these were my stories to start with and would stay this way, no matter who read them or what they thought. I still take criticism [i view it as important] and get my own demons on my back but hey...I'm getting better.

Why? Because I'm doing what I was called for and that is to create a story or share what is in us. Wether that be through a one-time comic, illustrations, novels, or maybe that lucky deal of a film one day.

We are not comic artists, Keiii. We are creators.

And that is okay.

[Luie]

Well right, you can't just flip switch. But there's things you can do about it. You seem to be describing that weird window of time where your ability to see mistakes surpasses your ability to correct them, which, sucks because nothing you complete feels satisfactory. I understand what you mean by not being happy with the way the project is turning out and how difficult it is to stop feeling that way. I'm sure our reasons are different, so if the project is something special to you but things about it are making the experience miserable, maybe it's time to step back from production and focus on those things. Not forever and not for long, but it seems clear there needs to be some sort of strategy for resolving switch malfunctions to make things enjoyable for you again. Of course, this is much easier said than done and not every one of your problems will have a solid solution, but if you can at least identify the problem there must be something out there that can help chip away at it.