Oh, I recognize you from Webtoon Amino.
Don’t worry guys, he’s a genuine poster. He’s not trying to troll anyone
This is gonna be a text wall to end all text walls… GET READY to not read everything and scroll down lol
Let’s tackle each subtopic one by one
First off, let’s go with your main question: Is it okay to write an MC as a jerk? The answer is yes… you can! HOWEVER, being a jerk doesn't excuse a main character from being charismatic. If your main character is not likable, people will be drawn away from your story, because nobody likes to follow someone dull or annoying. As long as your character is interesting and fun to read, you can write them as jerks and people will still enjoy the story.
Goodness of the heart does not come in absolutes and if your intention to start them off as jerks is to make them go through a character development arc that encompasses the story, maybe that's a great theme you can use to drive your story forward and keep your readers interested. Consequences for bad actions are a good way to drive a character arc forward, just don't make it too didactic or preachy, remember you want to entertain.
This is bridging between this first issue and the underlying issue you’re dealing with. You have made very clear that Abu is quite literally a projection of you and I’ll have to try to stop you there. I don’t think you should mix yourself with your character so seamlessly when your intention is to share your story to a general public that might or might not care about your issues… remember that first and foremost the intention of a comic is to entertain. It’s okay to draw from your personal experiences for writing your story, but it is not healthy to insert yourself like that, even if the name is different and it doesn’t look literally like you. Unless you want people to come for your personal experience the Nagata Kabi way and judge your personality through the character of Abu, I would not advise to go that route.
People have already mentioned Chris-chan before and I really do believe you need to check his work to learn what not to do when injecting personal experience into your creative work and online behavior in general. He actually published Sonichu for a while here in tapas so you might find it interesting as a quick crash course of comic making don'ts that's readily available. If it's a little harder to understand the guy from Down the Rabbit Hole dissected the comic in company of an actual comic artist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDdRDSP7ehA
You want to write fiction, but you want to talk about things that happen just like in your real life through a Hamtaro-like aesthetic and that might put off a lot of readers. You’ll have to be ready for any sort of criticism and for people to be uncomfortable with your story. I’m not sure if you are emotionally ready to project yourself so literally in your story… have you considered writing a diary instead? It looks to me that criticism is the least thing you need at this moment in time and baring your heart just like that might make you more bad than good.
You have been asking for an artist for a good while and I just need to ask: if it's just hamsters, have you tried to draw them on your own? I'm sure that with practice you can become a good artist in no time, most of the good artists you see there have drawn their asses off for years and that's what got them to their skill level. I'm telling you this because I find it extremely unlikely that someone will want to work to draw your life story with no pay or reward involved, and I haven't seen you offer any kind of payment for the artist you seek. I know I would not want to draw someone's autobiography for free... your story seems self-serving so I think you should strive to make it on your own, artist or not. Like you said, start with a novelization.
From the mental health point of view, If you are able to put your concerns and experiences on paper on your own you might be able to understand your own feelings a little better so you can deal with them. All the more reason to just do it asap. But I want you to make it constructive. This is something you need to do in service of yourself. Instead of publishing it right away, try writing it first. Write something you would like to see... write something that brings you hope for your own future. Think about what you intend to get from this story, if this will help you gain the strength to come forward and become a better version of yourself or if you simply want people to feel sorry for you through your character… maybe try writing all of this so you can order your feelings. Why do you want this? What do you want from this?
Lastly, I urge you to seek help in the form of a therapist. I feel like you are desperate for help which none of us strangers on the internet can provide to you, but someone who is actually trained to do it could. I think you seriously need to consider something far less literal than you want to offer right now. Make your story an escape for yourself. You can use to to vent your feelings but you need to be smart about it. Do not divulge information that you have no business divulging, specially if it's not your personal information.
Remember that a reader is not interested in the author, the reader wants a compelling story, something that makes them feel something, but that doesn't overwhelm them with one feeling. Make a story of your own that is flavorful, with ups and downs, something to be excited for. And most importantly, understand that Abu is not you: the world of fiction is a wonderful thing, you don't need to strictly root yourself in reality to make something lovely. Think about making something lovely, work hard from it. Win or fail, you will have done nothing but your best, and that's something to look forward to and celebrate. Make something you want to be proud of. Instead of making Abu repeat your mistakes and your negative feelings, make him strive, make him powerful in his own way, make him make you proud. He is not you: he is your creation.
tl;dr: everyone likes likeable jerks, but I don't think what you need to write should be semi-autobiographic. Draw from your life experience yes, but don't beat your readers in the head with it, and do your best not to bare your embarrassing side on the internet this easy and literally: actually trolls thrive on picking on the vulnerable. Don't give them weapons. Instead write something that can give you hope.