I think you're too harsh to yourself. You do the job, you built your own family, you have hobbies, you make friends in the internet. You are able to do a lot of things!
I don't know anything about your stimming. But I can tell funny things about my experience of similar type.
The worst type of repetitive actions, similar to what people call "stimming", happened with me, when I wore long hair. Those times I also always wore a couple of simple hair pins, because I always liked my hair to lie on my head smoothly. And every time, when I started to think about anything more-or-less attentively, my hand raised to my hair. My fingers started to take a strands of hair and pull it from one of the hair pins. Then I winded up those strands of hair around my finger, and, when they rolled into a single twisted strand, I put them under the pin again. Then I continued to do the same with other strands of hair. When all hair around a pin turned into mess, I started to torture hair around another pin. Eventually, when I realized, that my hair style was destroyed, I took pins away, took a hairbrush, brushed my hair to make them great again and put the pins in place. And then repeated the whole loop from the beginning.
People asked me: "Why are you pulling out your hear?" I told: "I don't know. It's something like a bad habit". A couple of friends also noticed, that if I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't need to brush hair so often. I knew it, but I couldn't help it.
After some time, it started irritate even myself, because it hurted my hair a lot.
I decided to stop wearing pins. But after this, I still continued to wrap up a hairs around my fingers in the same style, turning hair into a mess again and again. It was super-hard to hold myself from doing it, I dunno why.
I managed to stop it entirely only when I cut my hair short. Of course, my hand continued to raise to them and to try to wrap them up during a couple months after it, but I physically can't do it, when my hair are short. So, short hair not only looked refreshing after long hair bore me, but also appeared to be useful to get rid of this behavior. Fortunately, finally these urges gradually ceased, and now I'm not trying to do it again anymore.
However, I still have another weird habit, which I have since being a small kid:
I click my fingers every time, when I feel specific kind of gratification from finishing a complicated thought in my mind, from coming to a good conclusion about something, or from finishing some task or solving some problem or something like that. But it doesn't cause me any inconvenience. Other people also get accustomed to it quickly (aside of my family, of course; they always reproached me for it. But I ignored it).
When people, who got accustomed to me, see that I was doing something on my computer or notebook with a big attention, then abruptly put away a keyboard or drop the pen, stand up, click my fingers and start to go back and forth around my table with satisfied face, they understand that I solved something. If they knew which task I did, they ask, if I finished it. For example, if colleague at work see it, knowing that I was trying to find a bug before it, he comes and asks, what the bug is.
But, unfortunately, sometimes I click after finding only intermediate solution. Or after doing something, unrelated to important problems. For example, I often do it after writing a long post... BUT in this case, I don't get up.
Also, the more complicated problem or thought it was, the more times I click after solving it. Traditionally, I click once after finishing something usual. If it was moderately important (in my opinion), I not only click once, but also get up and start to walk back and forth for a couple of minutes. I click three times and more (rarely) after finishing important thing (which also can be followed by walking). Sometimes I'm so happy of solving something, that I started to click a really long rhytm. But it happens REALLY rarely. It irritates people, but since it's rare, they can live with it...