What stands out to me the most is that all of the dialogue seems very scripted. The characters seem to be screaming their motives and saying things that would sound really weird coming from a person in real life.
For example, the main character wakes up and upon seeing his grandfather has this conversation with him.
"Don't forget you're the next successor of the Doujo."
"But don't forget I already told you I don't want to be the next successor of the Doujo, I want to do something else."
"Well you can't because I raised you to be the next successor of the Doujo."
"I'm leaving."
"It is your destiny to be the next successor of the Doujo."
[Main character then monologues about how he doesn't want to be the next successor of the Doujo and explains exactly why he is in this situation starting with the bloody murder of his parents]
There is just so much un-needed exposition flying at me. This conversation doesn't feel like a real conversation. I mean Kazuma doesn't even once ask why. He doesn't react to his grandfather being a dick tearing apart his proposal like any child having their hard work and dreams crushed in front of him would. He just sort of accepts it and walks away. There's no resentment or any feeling really, things just happen to this character and he accepts it/and makes a comment about how he doesn't like that thing that is happening to him. Even in the panel where he says "Can you please stop shocking me." He makes a face like he's been watching paint dry. He doesn't even tell his friends how much he doesn't want to go to the Doujo or what his grandfather did to his proposal. He just tells them that he has to go because his grandfather will know. It's very hard for me to want this character to succeed in anything he wants because even he himself doesn't seem to care about his own goals. I understand that this kid's relationship with his grandfather is a strict one, but he needs to show emotion somewhere at some point. A facial expression, tears, contempt, anything.
His personality seems one-dimensional. But this is still extremely early in the story. I can only say from what I know so far. But I think this is the thing that is lacking, the lack of likability for the main character. This is something that is perfectly mendable, so please don't take it as an indication that you have to start over or anything.
I give points to be beginning (what I'm assuming is a premonition of sorts) scene. It's short and vague. It eludes that something will happen but doesn't scream exactly what that thing is going to be. I was afraid it was going to be a typical long prologue explaining everything about the world we're in but I was pleasantly surprised so i thought I'd mention it.
B&W is absolutely enough if the contrasts work. In some pages you have a lot of white panels with white dialogue all close together. Some of the panels are literally only the color black or white. Adding some more tones between the background and the characters in the foreground will improve the depth of the panels. This takes a lot of practice, so don't be afraid to try playing around with it. There are also some panels with lines extending farther than the box and some linework that doesn't align with the color. There are a few spelling errors here and there (mainly small grammar mistakes that spellcheckers don't pick up). The characters themselves are very nicely drawn and I couldn't classify them as bad at all. The only thing I'd say is to maybe play around with different types of facial expressions to add a bit more liveliness to the characters.
Anyway, hope this helps. Good luck to you :>
