Looking for opinions on a complex character scenario

AmysGames 2024-10-07 16:08:30 UTC #1

Hey there! I'm working on a scene with some complicated interpersonal dynamics, and I'm trying to figure out how a character would respond to it. So I figure I'd try getting some other people's read on the situation, get a little r/AITAH in here lol.

So there are three characters. These characters are friends, but Character A has a bad habit of not respecting other people's boundaries, in a way that ends up directly harming both Character B and Character C. Character A becomes aware of the problem and apologizes to both of them, promising to do better. Character B forgives them, Character C does not.

Later on, a situation comes up where Character C could ask Character A for help with something. But, not trusting Character A (and not knowing anyone else to ask), they instead ask Character B, even though it forces Character B to do something they are extremely uncomfortable with. Character C later expresses remorse for putting Character B in that situation—basically doing the same thing that Character A did to them in the first place.

Character C asks you for advice. What do you say to them?

kyupol 2024-10-07 16:16:51 UTC #2

Forgive if you want to be forgiven

Leyelle 2024-10-07 16:18:53 UTC #3

You never know what causes people to react the way they do, so try to show some understanding of other people's motivations and look at things from their perspective. If you can understand why someone would do something, it's often easier to forgive them. And remember, that just because someone does a bad thing mean that they are 'a villain.'

mikesakatamaki 2024-10-07 18:42:10 UTC #4

I understand that you can't forgive A, and you don't need to force yourself to.
However, if you still want to stay friends with A, try to see his good points too.
Recognize both his good and bad sides separately, and build a relationship where you help each other grow by focusing on the good.

vfaqvrf 2024-10-07 21:37:46 UTC #5

(post withdrawn by author, will be automatically deleted in 24 hours unless flagged)

DokiDokiTsuna 2024-10-08 00:22:34 UTC #6

Honestly, my answer would depend on two major things:

1] Why didn't B refuse? If they didn't know any better, or somehow C lied to them/manipulated them into believing only they could help, then I'd understand, and C would definitely be TA. But if they were aware of other options and still chose to put themselves through something uncomfortable for the sake of their friend, then that's...not really C's fault, technically? ^^; I understand why they'd feel guilty, but I wouldn't feel justified in calling them TA for it.
Like, if I take on the responsibility to do something for someone, I can't then turn around and blame them for asking me just because it sucked. That's not very fair.

2] How does B react??? I think that's pretty important...like, did they just suffer through it without having any idea that A could have helped in their stead? Or did they know beforehand? Or did they find out afterwards? And if they did, who told them? C? A??
Are they upset with C, despite the fact that they chose of their own volition to help? Or are they outright angry because they were tricked into it, like I suggested earlier? Or are they just ultra-forgiving and don't mind at all, leaving C to feel like they took advantage of their kindness?

Also, did A know about any of this? Could they have stepped in to spare B, and chose not to?? If so, they're as much TA as C is, possibly more...on the other hand, if they would have suffered just as much as B and didn't want to, I feel like that makes no one TA.

Also, also, what does this 'extremely uncomfortable' sitch entail? Are we talking "let me take you to an event where you pretend to be my s/o" or, like "let me demonically possess you and wear your skin into battle"?? I feel like that might change my answer a bit...

...In short, there are actually a lot of variables here. ^^; Depending on which ones actually fit this specific scenario, I might just go the neutral route, and tell C that they're allowed to feel guilty, maybe they actually are guilty to some degree, but it's probably something they can work through and get past if they're honest and talk with their friends. Y'know, try to give A a chance, if only to prevent this from happening again. ^^;

AmysGames 2024-10-08 01:43:45 UTC #7

It's a little hard to answer without a ridiculous amount of context, but I shall attempt to do so.

The situation is something that causes B severe anxiety, and applies only to B. C is very aware of this.
B agrees because, in spite of their anxiety, they trust C enough to not put them in an actual dangerous situation.
It is not a particularly dangerous situation. C thinks it's more dangerous than it is.
B is aware that C could have asked A. B is also aware that C does not trust A.
B claims to be fine with doing this, but C isn't convinced—especially because B is still noticeably uncomfortable afterward.
A is not aware of this happening at all.

Appreciate all the responses! I was expecting people to be more critical of A, but honestly C kind of is TA here, lol.

vfaqvrf 2024-10-08 01:57:44 UTC #8

(post withdrawn by author, will be automatically deleted in 24 hours unless flagged)

AmysGames 2024-10-08 02:30:02 UTC #9

Live POV character reaction:

mikesakatamaki 2024-10-08 07:31:32 UTC #10

After reading this additional information, I feel sorry for B.
B forgave A, so it's up to C and A to resolve the issue between them.
B is getting caught up in their problem.

I just want B to be happy.

DokiDokiTsuna 2024-10-08 11:15:17 UTC #11

Mmm...yeah, that's definitely TA material there. :T Making a choice to specifically torment your friend (even though they know that you could ask someone else and don't want to, essentially guilting them into it) all because you don't want to forgive someone that THEY already forgave...kinda f*cked.
I mean, B could easily insist that C ask A, or even bring A into this on their own, but they decline to do that and suffer anyway just to spare C's feelings...and C just lets them. Yeah, they SHOULD feel guilty after that.

I think people are leaving A out of this because:
a) They already apologized for what they did, they're clearly trying to do better, and B already forgave them.
b) We don't actually know what they did. I assume it was probably pretty bad, to make C hold a grudge like this...but we don't know. The way this vague scenario is set up, it feels like C is just being petty...but if we found out that C is actually justifiably angry and B is just being a doormat, that could change our answers.
c) Since you just added that A isn't even aware of the current scenario...I mean, it's hard to criticize someone who's no longer involved. ^^; Their actions are in the past; the issue C is asking for advice about has nothing to do with them.
If what they did to C and B was so horrible that you could justifiably argue that they caused this current scenario as well, that might change, but as it is...

AmysGames 2024-10-08 17:43:05 UTC #12

Quickly realizing how much nuance is lost when you condense a series of events into an AITA-style post.

I would describe A's actions as pretty firmly in TA territory, in that they often tease their friends and dismiss angry outbursts with "It's fine, they'll get over it." Once A realizes that their actions are actively harming B and C, A apologizes and promises to do better, but struggles to do so due to a lack of understanding of where the boundaries are. B is willing to put up with this (to a point), but C is not.

My own takeaway is that C obviously owes B an apology; I don't think anyone can argue that. The thing I was less sure about was whether C was right to avoid A, or whether they should be encouraged to give A a second (or third, or fourth) chance.