Looking for Some Critiques on a Rewrite/Revision

[NatAberdeen]

Hey hey, people, I've recently been thinking about rewriting and revising my current story Aberdeen's Anthology. I wanted to remove some fluff and filler that my original had, as well as go more in the "show, don't tell" writing style (I also made a lot of cosmetic changes).

If any of you would like to read and comment on my revised intro and first chapter, I'd really appreciate it

Aberdeen's Anthology: Revision Sample

[lucasamerritt]

I think you need to work more on setting things up in the prologue, getting people on board the concept. But it seems alright to me.

[NatAberdeen]

Prologue meaning introduction or Chapter 1? You mean like hook people in more? Any ideas on what I could add?

[lucasamerritt]

Like you say a lot of things but need more context as to how people think of left handed people generally. It seems like a lot of information to put up front.

[NatAberdeen]

Well, I actually just completely rewrote the introduction. I felt like that wasn't necessary information for the readers yet. Instead, I just talked about the narrator, his goals, and his intrigue in the town of Plainwood