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windikite
Feb '16

Pretty much it, just looking for some feedback on these first 4 pages. I'm looking for feedback on things like panel layout, placement of speech bubbles, general interest in the dialogue. anything really. I know it's not much to go on so far, but since the first 2-5 pages is what people will see before they decide if they do or do not like it, I figure I should get some feedback on it. Thanks for any help c:



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    Feb '16

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    Feb '16
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UzukiCheverie
Feb '16

Pardon if this comes across as offensive, but are these pages actually done? Like, a lot of it looks like it's still in the sketch phase, especially page two (when you compare it to the top right and left panels, it's clear you have a lot more potential and skill than that). Page 2's characters still have the wireframe sketches drawn in, I mean you could at least erase those after you've drawn everything else in lol (and some of them don't even go any further than the wireframes so it's tough to actually tell what's happening).

I checked your post to see if you had mentioned the pages not being finished, but it really feels from your post and from your pages that you still need to finish them up. So I'm hopefully assuming that's what you're gonna do.

Drawings aside, I DO like your black and white shading, very nice smile You've got a good sense of shading and depth going on, keep it up! <3

Moving on to dialogue, do you have any way to type your dialogue? If not, I'd put a little more work into your writing. Right now it's very difficult to read and that's really just because it's been scrawled in. Placement within your speech bubbles is important too; some of your text is way too close to the top of the bubble and just not centered the way it should be. Think of writing dialogue (like actually physically writing it in, not the process of writing the story) as an art in itself. Each letter should be a "drawing" ; rather than scrawling in words like you would in your college notes or something, you should be taking your time with each letter, making sure the line weight is even with each, the spacing, the leading, etc. Remember, this comic is not just for you to read - everyone has to be able to read it (everyone who speaks English that is) and it's tough for people to be able to do that when it's in a handwriting they might not be able to make out properly. And that can really turn people off from a comic.

(Also, the "Objection!" speech bubble from Ace Attorney .... yeah that seems really unnecessary and pulled me out of the story lol Unless you're writing an Ace Attorney fanfiction, you should either be writing "Objection!" yourself, or writing it in a way that doesn't break the flow of the story (ex. if he were to timidly yell out "But sir-!" or something).

If you want an example of a comic that does hand lettering well, check out Postcards in Braille. If you're not up to the task of doing the hand lettering (which I don't blame you for, I haaaate it lol) then I'd suggest finding a program that can do it (as it looks like you're using SAI, guessing from the lines and blending); if you can't get Photoshop, may I suggest Fire Alpaca?

Hope that helps! You've got something great so far, you just need to clean up the drawings and the text. Like I said, I'm assuming that these pages aren't done, but if they are "done", I'd suggest not rushing yourself to get them posted and take your time in making them look the very best you can make them look. These are the first few pages of your story-based comic - these are the pages that will decide whether or not someone subscribes, or just go looking for something else to read.

windikite
Feb '16

Nonono on i guess i didn't specify that im sorry ;;
These pages are nowhere near done, i just had a rough draft i thought was cohesive enough for some feedback before I commited a lot more time to it. The ace attorney thing was something i th I ught would be funny for the rough draft, i didnt really plan for it to be in the final version. Just a bit of humor ///.///
No this, wasn't going to be the final lettering, i use photoshop for that, i didnt realize mh handwriting was that bad lol. I was having issues rewrkting the dialogue for the bubbles, so i would finish the sentence and realize i didn't want to put any more there but not center it since it was just a rough draft.

UzukiCheverie
Feb '16

Haha, okay, that's what I figured but I wanted to make sure smile Then you've got a good thing going so far! Can't wait to see these pages finished, it's gonna look great! <3