Lost interest in making comics. I feel devastated

Ssshaha 2018-05-04 20:34:10 UTC #1

I always dreamt of starting my manga or comic. It was the only thing I wanted for the longest time. I was ready to learn, fail and fully dedicate myself.

But being a university student I never had time to actually start drawing it. I tried to ignore my dream for more than two years, and when I realized I couldn't resist it anymore, I decided to start.

I practiced drawing like crazy. I learnt anatomy, face expressions. I started writing the outline and script, drafted my first chapter, had my characters designed, even designed the city and the architecture of it. I could even hear the voices of my characters and their interactions. I failed some exams because I would draw instead of studying.

I was hoping it would become my full-time job, I was happy with this dream and was ready to work for it no matter what.

But when my exams finished and I finally got free time, I suddenly lost interest. I coudln't force myself to start drawing anymore.

Especially after getting more familiar with anime and manga audience (on forums and websites like mal and anime amino), I realized that the audience is much yonger than me (it made me feel old and silly) and the things most readers are interested in are not what my story is about... I just thought that my story is not even appropriate for the manga format and the audience. It totally turned me off. Maybe its not even a place for me, I don't fit in this industry...

I also recently found one of my family members has a serious disease. I feel like it all just broke me...

And here I am, with my pen and computer open, unable to draw what I wanted to draw for my whole life.

I know I will regret it if I don't do it now, because I already regret not starting it 4 years ago, when the impulse was the strongest.
But on the other hand I just can't force myself to do it anymore. Now that I have free time that I dreamt about, skills that I needed, outline and character references, I don't want to do it anymore... It kills me.

Has anyone been in this situation before? Maybe it's just a block or maybe I should really just give up...

p.s I even made a cover for it... It hurts me to look at it because I remember the passion I drew it with, that's no longer here

punkarsenic 2018-05-04 21:01:27 UTC #2

how long has this been going on? it sounds like block, and maybe even depression...

from what i can see, you did what every artist has to do sometimes - you left your project stewing a little too long. im guessing you didnt work on it much during your exams, and while it was sitting in the dark, not moving, for your eyes only, you lost momentum and started to gather doubt. it happens to literally everyone.

i recommend what you do is just get moving, pick the momentum back up. if you cant do it with this project, do it with something else - fanart, anatomy practice, another comic idea. it can be something you give no fucks about whatsoever, just for fun, so long as it gets you up and making. thats how you get the ball rolling.

also, allow yourself to take time out, the release after big exams can lead to low mood, and having an ill family member hanging over your head is emotionally taxing. dont stress too much about losing your flow right now, you fully deserve the rest.

dont judge the wider manga audience by places like amino, they just skew younger as sites. there are plenty of manga fans of all ages, and many readers here are adults. there is a niche for all stories to find an audience, as well. you shouldnt worry too much about how appealing your story is to anyone but yourself.

if you think you dont fit in this industry, make this industry fit you. this comic can be for fun, for love of the medium, it can be whatever you want it to be

theres also a chance that in the time youve been developing this story, youve grown past it as a creator. that happens too. consider that as an option, maybe consider other stories that take your interest, or ways to revamp it to rekindle the love. but that doesnt have to be the case either, and you can come back to something with new life after years in the dark. i hope you find your way soon

Kura 2018-05-04 21:05:02 UTC #3

Regarding the family situation.

Stuff like that is hard, it really is, I have been through it a lot the last few years losing family members to illness. Depending on what was going on or at what stage it was in, I would take a hiatus to deal with it. Other times the situation would go so overwhelming that I NEEDED to work on comics as an outlet, I just needed something else to focus or distract me for a while.

There's no right or wrong answer on how to handle or balance this, just don't wear yourself out for their benefit, as someone who is sick myself I don't like feeling like I'm forcing time away from the things my friends and family love (though I of course can't speak for everyone) the mental health of the people around me is just as important as my own.

In regards to the audience situation and much of it being young, don't let it get to you, there are many comic creators that are older than their audience and it's a completely normal thing, not something to feel silly about at all. As for feeling that your story will not interest them, there's an audience for anything even though some are smaller than others, even if it's not the majority I'm sure there are still people out there your work will make happy.

I can't force you to make your comic nor do I intend to if you don't want to, I just think you belong just as much as any other comic artist does, there's no age or genre restrictions in this line of work.

Project creation especially in artistic branches is going to have moments like this, even more so if your project is a passion project, It may be a block, it may be depression, it's something that sucks and I hope you can get through, but it is by no means a sign that you should give up.

Ssshaha 2018-05-04 21:27:38 UTC #4

Started suddenly (like last week), really suddenly, when I was literally about to start drawing after I finally got some free time. But around the same time I got the news of my family member's illness. Might be connected somehow.

from what i can see, you did what every artist has to do sometimes - you left your project stewing a little too long.
theres also a chance that in the time youve been developing this story, youve grown past it as a creator.

I think this really is the case!

i recommend what you do is just get moving, pick the momentum back up. if you cant do it with this project, do it with something else - fanart, anatomy practice, another comic idea. it can be something you give no fucks about whatsoever, just for fun, so long as it gets you up and making. thats how you get the ball rolling.

This is one of the best advises I culd hear. I think I did care about my comic way too much, I was too afraid to ruin it so just lost interest

It makes me feel sooo much better,

Thanks a lot for your reply, I really appreciate it!
It made me feel much better, not lying

Ssshaha 2018-05-04 21:35:07 UTC #5

It really is hard, I hope no one goes through it. Sometimes I feel like just immersing in drawing to distract myself too, but then I feel like I'm just running away from reality... which might not be that bad

This gives me so much hope, really

Thanks so much for this, at least now I know such things do happen to a lot of artists.

I really appreciate your reply, made me feel much better! Maybe I should surround myself with creative people too, other artists' support and understanding helps a lot

nekoendy 2018-05-04 21:42:31 UTC #6

Honestly, that's the story of every artist out there: big dreams, harsh reality, give up
That's what I always say: making comics is 1% creativity, 9% work, 90% mental.

NovaSapien 2018-05-04 21:44:51 UTC #7

That illustration is fantastic! You have lots of talent. As a writer, I have those weeks and even months where I just can't produce anything and I lose my drive to write even a single sentence. When that happens I feel like such a failure, but I get past it. If you really love drawing, you should keep doing it. When I get writer's block I usually change the locations I work at. I go outside, to a mall, a coffee shop, just different places to get my creative juices flowing. Your motivation will return if you really love drawing. If not, try other creative things. This probably won't be very helpful and sorry if it isn't.

Ssshaha 2018-05-04 21:45:52 UTC #8

That's the thing, reality isn't even harsh on me, like I don't care about the profit and I have enough skills and time (right now) to pull it off. But some other force is stoping me

Hmmmmm I seeee. That makes sense.

Ssshaha 2018-05-04 21:49:01 UTC #9

Thanks so much! I don't share my drawings much so I appreciate it

You know what... I never thought of it! This might actually helpl. I will definitely try doing it, my room is pretty depressing

Your answer really was helpful, thanks!

NovaSapien 2018-05-04 21:54:36 UTC #10

That's good. I'm glad I could be of some help.

A-weird-girler 2018-05-04 22:45:37 UTC #11

Take a break if you need to. Go outside, watch netflix, cartoons, draw, etc. Just do what you want. See what inspires you. Remember, you are under no pressure to finish. You can just break it off here if you really want to. If you want to find inspiration again, read manga and just take time to think new ideas. Reconsider your story, pull a plot twist, do something for it not to sink. Personally, for that, I recommend this article: http://mandywallace.com/plot-tools/. Just take time for yourself to feel better and inspiration will follow suite.

frostdrive 2018-05-04 23:05:36 UTC #12

You asked if anyone's been in this kinda situation before.
And while I don't know if saying giving up's okay.

I gave up. Quit drawing entirely for what I thought was going to be forever.
I grew up wanting to be an animator my whole life. And I even had an ongoing comic series I stopped too.

I thought I wasn't ever going to come back.

but five years later I did. and I'm glad I did.

Rhonder 2018-05-05 01:10:40 UTC #13

Oh, you'll definitely pull out of this then! It really does seem like this trying event in your life has hit your motivation, and that's totally normal and okay. Even as an artist, life happens and things will get in the way, and in those moments it's often best to just take a step back for a while, regroup, and come back stronger afterwards.

I'll offer my own story for perspective:

Drawing has always been one of my favorite things to do, and start in middle school I started to take it pretty seriously and practice hard! This lasted all the way up through highschool, and it was around that time that I got interested in making a comic. I thought up this big cool story, wrote out 8 chapters in novel form, drafted out the first chapter a bunch of times, but never got anywhere with it. I just kept drawing the characters a lot and improving my art instead.

Then college hit. I did an embarrassingly low amount of drawing for the 4 years I was in Uni. I just lacked the time and motivation to spend time drawing, even though I loved it. When I wasn't in class or working on homework, I'd usually rather hang out with friends or play video games. I did keep in touch with my design-oriented side, majoring in Architectural Design, so doing a bunch of drawings and renderings for class made me not want to do any more at home.

The summer following graduation I kinda looked back through a lot of my old drawings and was kind of sad that I lost touch with that hobby. So I kinda tried to pick it back up. I spent some time in August and September trying to re-reboot my comic idea from highschool, and got several pages drafted, but between the job hunt and eventual settling for a holiday season retail job, I kind of lost it again, which sucked... again. This was 2016, for reference.

Finally last year, summer 2017, I gathered my inner resolve to really start drawing again! I started out kind of slow, participating in some drawing events for a MMO I was playing at the time ("Draw the Character Above You" and a Fan Art Contest). Then when October rolled around, I decided to participate in Inktober for the first time ever! Although it was tough to force myself to draw every single day, it was really rewarding and helped set me on the path to being an artist again. From there I started lurking around these forums more often, watching youtube artists at work, targeting weak areas in my anatomy and such, and started practicing comics again! Finally in February this year I began planning a one-shot comic and finally got involved in art-related social media. Fast forward a few months and now I'm finally in the process of drawing the finalized pages! It feels great to finally be back at it :]

But the short of it is, there was a looooong period of time where I kind of abandoned art when life got in the way, and it kind of sucked. But as a hobby I enjoy immensely, it drew me back in, eventually! I agree with some of the other advice in this thread: maybe take a break for a while, then get back to drawing something, be it this same project, or a different one, or landscape paintings, or whatever! Hopefully it'll get the ball rolling And even if this current project isn't the first thing you do, you can always hold onto it and revisit the idea later. I'd still like to draw the comic from highschool someday, although it needs a looooooot of work and editing down before I even consider it.

Ssshaha 2018-05-05 02:02:31 UTC #14

Your story is very inspiring indeed! I actually feel very encouraged by it

I find some parts pretty similar too

... I'm stydying architecture as well, and while I enjoyed it at first, after I discovered my desire for making comics I started hating it geniunely.

a really good point there!!!! maybe this also is one of the reasons I'm lacking motivation, as my graduation project is taking all my efforts and creativity.....

I think this also might work, I am too overwhelmed with this project maybe I should just let it go for now and think of something else....

Thank you for sharing your story, it gave me much hope! It proves that everything happens at the right time. I'm glad you went back to drawing too! I'll take some lessons from that hehe

monotone_ink 2018-05-05 06:27:31 UTC #15

On the point of being overwhelmed with your project - if you want to get back into making comics, but don't want to do anything too big, why don't you try making a one-shot?

Just a single chapter story or something - 50 or so pages. Heck, even 10 pages would be pretty cool. It would be generally helpful in getting you into the routine of comic making.

Good luck!

Cavechan 2018-05-05 14:18:24 UTC #16

Mm, I think that's how a lot of people feel. We just want drawing comics to be our full time job since regular jobs are pretty boring. At least mine is... I'm 32, but I still have the dream to be a full time comic artist at some point... hopefully before I retire.

As I said, I'm 32, but even a few years ago I have felt this way. There was a time I went to a convention and went to a cosplay meet up there of a then popular series. The younger people were all having fun running around and whatnot and I just kind of stood off to the side. But I realize that used to be me when I was 14-15 years old and my friends would have our anime club at the library or a birthday party or whatever. I think it's somewhat the exhaustion from working all week.

I have had this regret too. I feel like a lot of artists I know started just naturally drawing when they were very young. I started taking art classes about 4th grade, but only started drawing anime/manga-style when I was about 14. Always makes me feel like I was a late starter and it's taken me a long time to get somewhat decent even though I have been drawing almost every day and have sketchbook after sketchbook filled up and a lot of comic pages.

It's strange because I've been drawing for so many years now and even have a BFA in graphic design, but I never have felt like I'm a "true artist". I think the main reason I draw is because I want to get my comics done. I think the most enjoyment isn't necessarily while doing, but in having something done. I love to look at my old work.

I also had a period of a 2 year hiatus from comic making (and it was during the second to last chapter of my comic!) and I felt awful afterwards. Still feel somewhat awful about it, but I've been trying to make up for it with trying to keep as consistent as possible with updates.

Sorry this was mostly rambling about myself. I just mainly want to say that you're not alone in this, it's not uncommon, and you should just do it anyway. I've felt that way where I just don't feel like drawing at all and I kind of have to force myself to get started. Just remember the first step is picking up the pencil! Or stylus if you use a tablet. And getting the piece of paper or starting up a new page in PS/CSP. Absolutely no thinking or any effort involved in what is the very first step to get going.

danrafter 2018-05-05 20:24:10 UTC #17

Don't feel old. I'm way older than probably most anyone on Tapas, and I'm still writing comic scripts. I've had some published. I've had many not. But don't ever let your age stop you from doing anything. There are also plenty of days where I don't feel like writing. But I have no choice: I support my family with my writing. My main job is as a freelance writer and editor for web sites and trade magazines.

I mostly write about personal finance, real estate, credit cards, mortgage loans, that kind of stuff. Not exactly dream stuff -- but by doing it, I can pay the bills and write comic scripts mostly for fun. But because I write all day, I often don't feel like turning on the computer and writing script pages in the evening. Here's the thing, though: When I actually see those pages turned into comics -- whether here on Tapas or in anthologies or on the web sites of other publishers -- it makes the hard work seem worth it.

Anyway, what I'm saying is, writing, drawing, any creative art can be difficult on some days. There are plenty of days when you won't want to draw. But if you force yourself to do it, you'll get better and better. And you'll feel great when you look at what you've done the next day, even if it isn't your best work. It's like any type of work: You have to show up sometimes even when you don't wanna'.

nekoendy 2018-05-05 21:14:34 UTC #18

What's the story about? I doesn't really need to be targeted to a young audience, you'll never know if you have a hidden gem or not

Rhonder 2018-05-06 22:25:47 UTC #19

Oh wow, that's awesome! Fun to find fellow arch. people in the comic community! Sorry to hear about starting to dislike it though D: I struggled really hard to figure out what I wanted to major in. I for sure wanted to do something design based, but also wanted to study something that would lead to a direct career path... so then I discovered architecture xD It's interesting to hear from my classmates even just a year or two after graduation though. We recently had a meet up to see what everyone else was up to, and a shocking number just branched out to completely unrelated stuff after school xD one person designs strollers or something in China now, and so on. it's definitely a good major to just learn like... how to work hard in a creative environment regardless of what you take out of it :]

Yeah... part of it is I'm just a super lazy person, but I absolutely had no motivation to keep drawing during college lmao. I would like draw a few pictures a year for some of my friends' birthdays, but that was about it xD It's been a lot easier to focus on now that I don't have a bunch of homework to do on top of it! I know a lot of people draw comics in school, and i'm always very impressed by their drive xD;; Besides which end of the year projects in Arch are already time consuming enough! Definitely don't overexert yourself during this period.

No problem! Best of luck with sprinting to the graduation finish line! Definitely keep in touch with your future projects Also if you need any advice or help for your school project feel free to hit me up! I wasn't an amazing arch student by any means, but I may have some useful tips or something, idk xD

djwaglmuffin 2018-05-07 01:07:44 UTC #20

I am in the same boat, friendo.

Major depression and anxiety disorder makes it way worse AND I'll be 34 this year. The heartache is real.

I'd implore you not to give up, though. Really. All we can do is keep striving for what we want even though it's frustrating.