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Jul 2021

Hello there!

I'm limitless-san (pen name^^), I'm the writer of Night lights~ Lopier. I've been around here for some time, and I've finally decided to (promote and) ask for some advice for my web novel.

My web novel is about a group of teenagers working for the mafia. It starts really fast and there are some ambiguities left for the readers own imagination; after the 5th episode the reader finally gets a grab of the situation and main characters I would say.

So my main question would be: How do you find my novel?
Would you read it/continue to read it? Do you have some specific feedback points or comments that would help me along the way? I'm asking for your advice as I haven't been able to figure out if my story needs more time to get known, as mafia stories lost their glory (so to say) long time ago.. Or if I would need to work on my writing skills some more..

Anyways, here's my novel:

Thank you in advance!

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    Jul '21
  • last reply

    Jul '21
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Your summary gives me no idea what the conflict of your story is, or who your story is about. I would say if you're having trouble gaining traction, that's the first place I'd start.

Welcome to Lopier, a capital city located near the coastline, where a lot of crimes happen daily but none of them make sense.

I think this is a fine start, and I'd cut or move the bit above it.

Maybe Lonan and his friends can help you through your journey of understanding Lopier and the mafia of course.
Have a safe journey!

"This person and his friends will help you understand locatin/mafia" is not an interesting hook. Tell me something about Lonan. Tell me something about either the main conflict of your story, or an early conflict that I can feel interested in. Try to bring in a feeling of tension, danger, or drama!

It doesn't seem too bad, but you do have a point, there don't seem to be that many crime novels on here. I have one if you're interested:

Thank you!!
I actually never thought of this, as I generally just prefer to read the prologue or first episode.. I'll try to improve it and of course tell about the conflict of my story^^
Thanks again!