Meaty Reviews Season 1 (Post your Comic, Get a Meaty Review) (Finished)

[keii4ii]

Well, we're all learning here! You provide very fair, well-articulated critiques! Even if I had a trillion views, that wouldn't make my work above being critiqued, especially since my goal with this story isn't "get a trillion views."

[GusC]

Round 8

The Ripple Effect

I was first struck by the magnitude of the stakes--saving the world across all timestreams. That's intense as hell. It's also potentially a big trap. Such huge stakes are often very difficult to approach and resolve in a satisfying way. I'm eager to see if you will figure that out.

Art:
You have a solid foundation, here. I'm not able to divine whether you trace or use reference, which is a good threshold. What's even more impressive is that you have a rock solid understanding of anatomy most of the time. There's always room to improve, but I would definitely say that you know what you're doing. The hands, especially, took me off guard with how generally correct they were. I just checked again--can't find any weird looking hands other than some suspicious ones on Page 4. That's huge on its own. Good stuff.

To reiterate, the anatomy is solid. Is it perfect? Definitely not. And truth be told, the proportions for many panels are less than convincing, namely the bodies and lengths of arms. The biggest offender is Page 4 again. The fat man looks awful, but I have no doubt you recognize that--it's such a red herring in what is otherwise a comfortably convincing work. And even there, all of the facial expressions are great. You certainly nail expressiveness when you want to--which is not enough. Every time your characters pull a face, they come alive, and when they don't, they look cheap. Take a look at Pages 6-8 and see the difference it makes for Enzo in particular. He looks badass and interesting when he grimaces, grits his teeth, glares, etc, and when his face is at rest, he looks like his gimp expression is straight out of an Elder Scrolls game.

What really exaggerates the flaws in the art is your lighting. Is it correct? Probably close enough, but the contrast is disorientingly high.Faces get chopped up and skewed, bodies look misshapen and glitchy... whatever you're doing, it's not working. I'd dial it down a few degrees because it masks your awesome work and it aggravates your lesser work. Page 3 and 8 are the best examples of this. Let some of the detail below the shadow show through. I'm willing to bet it will look better.

Character design is decent. The only big stand out is Enzo, who looks cool as hell. The rest are middling.

Writing:
It's always a struggle to feel confident in my reviews of writing when there's less to go on. I assume competence, and I have faith in you, so you certainly get the benefit of the doubt. I saw no overt problems. It's solid. No dialogue felt awkward, forced, or out of place. There weren't any lines that stuck out as beautiful or compelling, but it is quite early for that. "More like every night" is the best candidate for wit, and it is effective, for sure. Other than that, no stand outs.

It has happened again--the story about Connor has been eclipsed by Enzo. Now, the excuse here is that it's only been 10 pages, so this isn't much of an issue--but it could be a red flag. Connor isn't interesting. I find myself asking only one question about Connor, and that's: "Why is he so nonchalant about the fact that he abruptly decided to wager his life for a strange job on an unknown crew of an unknown ship of an unknown industry in an unknown world"--all unknown to the reader, mind you. I have no context for why this guy pulled the move he did. That will be explained--is what you might say, and that's certainly fair, but in these crucial beginning pages, I find myself more emotionally invested in Enzo's financial problems and frayed relationship with the mysterious, punishing Captain. Those are immediately interesting. I hope Connor will have his share of intrigue. Big Bald Boy is cool. Classic silent giant archetype always works.

The plot has yet to unfold, but I have so far been unable to forge a connection between your premise and these first ten pages. No clue where it is headed--or, rather, I have a lot of trouble seeing the graceful connections to the intense cross-time peril. I have faith that you do.

Summation:
Taken as a whole, you have an admirable foundation to work with in both art and writing. With little to go on, I had comparatively less to say, but even so you should be excited with what you have. it's going to be a long journey for you, with such high ambition. I can certainly relate to that with my own comic--I feel a kinship with you in that regard. If you stick with it, I can see this comic becoming exceptional with practice and time. I see only upward trajectory so long as you are watching your contrasts and your MC's ability to intrigue the audience.

[GusC]

Reading now. Deep breaths, Gus, you hidebound son of a bitch.

[GusC]

Round 9

I Wish I Were You

I couldn't read the whole thing. It is just too huge--I feel guilty, but the confluence of obstacles was too much for me this early in my critical career. it's a genre I have trouble engaging with, in an artistic tradition I have never been able to genuinely appreciate, for too many chapters. All of that said, I read a big chunk of it(1-~20) (~40-present), in the beginning and most recent. I am going to say as much as I can about what I could divine from your work.

I'll skip the Goals section because it ties in intimately with your art and writing.

Art:
The most important point here is that your commenters are correct: your art is indeed improving. Things are smoother, more consistent, and more appealing to the eye--and most importantly, they do not look s cheap. Now, the second half of this point is that I am just a bit deflated to see that improvement seems to be relatively slow. You have been working on this for over a year now, and while you have unquestionably improved and matured as an artist, I can't help but expect more progress. The reason is known to you only, but my biased mind wonders--genuinely--if the manga style encourages simplification to such a degree that it can interfere with mastering the fundamentals and traditional foundations of drawing. Only you can answer that question, but I would consider trying some more ambitious designs and compositions. Push yourself. You will probably be startled by how good you can be.

This is only an issue in a perfectionist way--95% of the faces you draw are 3/4 view, profile, or straight on look. There is very little diversity of perspective and composition. it's very safe. That isn't necessarily a problem for the comic, but it could be a big obstacle for you. The antics of your characters will be amplified tenfold with clever perspectives. Chace's glittering beauty and nonchalant Greek-statuesque grace would be augmented wonderfully by some angelic cranes of the neck, turns of the face, Fiona's vivacity is chained by her repetitive expressions and angles. That's the kind of thing I'm talking about: reinforcing your colorful personalities with dramatic expressive poses.

A final smaller issue is that every face seems to be structured almost identically. Maybe that's just the style, but once again I suggest that you will shock yourself by bringing some design detail to each individual. All of this said... they're still cute. And I laughed several times to see Chace's sparkles. I'm thrilled to see they survived every chapter.Mason looks really boring in comparison to everyone else. Fiona and Gwen have an unfair advantage--their unique hair color gives them an edge. But maybe those are commonplace in manga.

Writing:
Well, you certainly achieved your goal of creating a charming, easy read to calm the mind and sooth the soul. As much as I avoid this sort of thing, I found i was immediately charmed by the shameless wholesomeness and peaceful self satisfaction that radiates from your work. There isn't much depth outside of the shock that was Valerie's intriguing character dynamic. She has a lot going for her: the tortured twisting of allegiances, the clash of nostalgic friendships and the ever moving demands of growing up, the battle for status as a BENEVOLENT mistress of the social ladder, etc. Honestly, that's perfectly fine with a serial like this. Everyone fulfills their role in a satisfying, predictable, comforting way.

What intrigues me is that the primary conceit of the story seems to have been solved by Chapter 44. The Valentine's Day dates resolve the misunderstandings AND pairbond the appropriate couples. I'm interested to know what happens now, in your plan. Is there drama on the horizon, or are you thinking of developing a voyeuristic joy simulator, following their idyllic adventures and antics? Or is this coming to a close? Either way, it's a surprising development... but to be honest, 44 chapters is probably enough relationship confusion and miscommunication.

Summation:
I expected it to be a lot more painful, but it ended up being a charming romp through a genre I've never given much thought to. It was, in fact, a valuable experience for me to see what's going on in that world. I can see the appeal--the glut of grim tension and overbearing melodrama out there can easily become fatiguing. Luckily, there are those such as yourself to provide the oases of comfort. Even if there isn't much beneath the surface, you're developing a lovely surface on its own. It will improve dramatically with some more focused, disciplined practice and study. Don't let the technical moorings of manga hold back your artistic growth. Many, many, MANY potentially good artists are ground to dust by that wood chipper called Manga/Anime Style.

[GusC]

Reading now. I hope you are able to find confidence in your work--or at least find strength in your conviction to learn and improve.

[GusC]

Round 10

ROYAL

The information you've given is by your own admission conflicting and waffley, so I did not have a good picture of what to expect going into your work. That said, you are operating in a genre that has been meticulously defined over many years and franchises. Academic Magical Drama has a long legacy from which to draw expectations.

Goals:
I'd love to know if you are having fun with it. If the absurd drama is any indication, you seem to be having a blast. I was definitely able to feel and share in the joy that went into making this. Regardless of any issues I may have, it was a delight to know that I could read your enthusiasm and emotional investment in the work itself. One of the more common pitfalls is that the energy of the creator either never channels itself through the product, or the creator's lack of energy drowns the entire experience. You've managed to avoid that problem, as far as I can tell.

What's more, it seems you've accomplished the goal of amassing a small but lively audience of fans. Those people took time to make FAN ART of YOUR creations. That's success, my dude.

As for your target audience, that took my off guard. I had a similar critique about Mirror Monster: your expected audience is far older than I would have expected, given the immaturity of the material. Other than the profanity sprinkled throughout the story, there doesn't seem much that is legitimizing the search for an older audience. Perhaps my perspective is warped. I'm 24, myself, for reference. Draw your own conclusions from that.

Art
You made a damn good decision by simplifying. Ditching the color and focusing on the traditional manga greyscale and layout allowed for better flow and easier readability. I often hear that the mark of a great creator is his or her choice of shortcut. This is an efficient one. That said, i don't think it was all that bad. The Prologue was flat for all but one panel, true, but it was not offensive to the eye. The grey scale, conversely is actively improving the experience. I'm sure it also saves you oodles of time.

Your style seems pretty standard issue manga-lite. I'm personally not fond of it, but from what I've seen, you're making it work as well as one could expect. My primary issue is that I think your art has regressed since you started. I much prefer the way the Royals look in the first chapter. They age quite a bit by Chapter 2, which adds a level of clashing absurdity to the already bizarre setting, but we'll get to that in writing. Seeing children bungle about in magical chaos is one thing, but the image of young adults doing so is far less endearing. I should be more specific: you improve in your skills themselves, but I think the character design degrades by a few degrees. Compare Chapter 1: Page 13 Oliver with Chapter 2 page 9 Oliver. He looks "cleaner" but he has lost so much character and expressiveness. I would reconsider, or pay more attention to, how you're applying your improving skills. I've seen that a few times now--as artists improve, their character design suffers. Improvement is one thing, but channeling those improvements aesthetically is another challenge altogether.

I shouldn't be too coy, I don't find the character designs very inspiring themselves. The most notable characteristic Junior has--the only notable characteristic--is his pink hair, which is unknowable in greyscale. Oliver doesn't even have that going for him. I honestly hesitate every time I see them, wondering if they are new background characters. Elliot stands out because he's the only schmuck with glasses, and there only a handful of ladies to differentiate between. There's the wolf fella, but he's there only briefly... yeah, I think you should consider some more ambitious designs. Put those newfound skills and discipline to work, man, you'll be surprised how damn good you are if you dare.

My final concern is that while you have dynamic poses most of the time, and I definitely feel a good amount of motion and energy in your action, I have a very difficult time figuring out what exactly is going on.Page 33-37 of Chapter 1 is hard to follow. The succubus action is solving the problem somewhat, but I think you can do even better. The energy of your character's actions will be best served if the reader can see their wind up, their execution, and/or their results in a fluid flow of panels.

Writing:
Ultimately, i think you could probably delay your artistic development in favor of hammering out what exactly this story is trying to do. As it stands now, I can discern only that two brothers are going to have an episodic, segmented series of misadventures in a whacky world. If that's the intent, you're making it happen. If you have a larger narrative in mind, I have yet to see the breadcrumb trail. The strange and surreal reality is running wild right now, and I think your comic would be best served by figuring out whether it is episodic or more plot focused. That will help the pacing, which is the other primary problem I'm seeing.

The most egregious pacing issue is that the first student battle we see is Oliver, the younger, more vulnerable brother, being predated upon by a guy who can STEAL SOULS. Yeah, he KILLS people by stealing their life force and sublimates that into power. That's the start off bully character. How this kid is allowed to do what he does, especially given how openly psychopathic he is, is a mystery to me. It was all the more mystifying that his potential double homicide--on the first God damn day of school--was met with school probation. Now, that's funny, and you did want this to be a fun story, so I totally can see how that works. But I'm not feeling enough self awareness to ease the absurdity of the story. As it stands, it's just frickin weird, and that makes the pacing problems all the more pronounced.

We could use a good introduction to the main casts powers. I know you have little bios for each of them when they show up, but I can't help but think that this is a sloppy way of conveying information. The old adage "Show, don't tell" is a good one to follow more often than not. On the other hand, you can also afford to be more liberal with your exposition. A good exposition dialysis would go a long way in making the chaos more digestible.

Summation:
I hope more than anything that you are having fun, because the comic itself is radiant with joy and enviable childlike abandon. I think you should consider making this a dedicated younger person story. It has the potential, the charm, and the formula to serve that audience. Ultimately that is up to you. What should not be up for debate is that you take some time away from the chaotic fun to have some disciplined fun, and map out exactly what this story is going to be--as it stands now, it is hard for me, the reader to engage with the free for all going on here.

[beta1042]

Ahh yes I feel like none of this comes as a surprise so I guess that's good that you didn't find any major problem I was unaware of. I've always known my art is my weakest part. I was more diligent with growth in the beginning(doing gesture practice daily, and anatomy studies, yadda yadda), but lately I havn't had much time to work on art improvement (Mother of a younger toddler and preggo with a 2nd- most of whatever small free time I have has gone to napping or just maintaining the comic at its current level). I have been slowly target practicing some things, but yeah I'm just kinda working at my own pace.

I do find it a little disappointing that you think all the faces are the same, as they do all have very different facial structures (different eyes, jawlines, head shapes, noses, etc) but I'm not too surprised because i'm pretty bad at drawing consistently and I also revert to chibi type faces or exaggerated featureless expressions often. However I did think I was finally getting better at it, but I guess it may just be me seeing what I want XD Luckily my characters all have very different hair colors so no one ever gets them confused haha. I am glad you thought Mason is boring, he was supposed to be boring in design and his colors are muted on purpose.

Hmm the story is far from over, like I said it's a bit of a slow burn for drama. Maybe because you skipped the middle where the title drop is, but yeah the big conflict isn't with the romances with the girls, it's between the two boys and some unaddressed jealousy and secrets and other stuff that has yet to surface so far in their friendship. The girls are sort of there to kinda get things going so that they are finally forced to deal with the issues between them XD I don't want to go into it further for fear of spoilers.

Thank you for taking time to read my fluff even though it's not your cup of tea. I really appreciate it. Likewise your comic isn't really up my alley, but I'll try to give it a good look when I have time.

[GusC]

Done for the night. I will finish off the first wave of entries tomorrow. I'm thrilled to see that this is helpful for people. I have no intention of demoralizing anyone; I only wish to offer my own meaty perspective in the interest of promoting a more critical eye in the community. We all deserve to be taken seriously.

Leftovers
Flirting with Death
Edible Green Tea
Sideways
Trip Across the Multiverse
and The Guide to a Healthy Relationship

[GusC]

Reading now. I shall pay very close attention to the pacing.

[GusC]

Round 11

Leftovers

Goals:
I much prefer the graphic novel format to the webtoon. Granted, I don't read these things on mobile, as so many do, but I appreciate the more """traditional""" construction. You say you had no clue what you were doing, but I can offer the slight reassurance that it is hard to tell. I never felt aimless. It was not some museum of your disorganized thoughts. It becomes manifest only in how haphazardly and less than logically most of the supporting cast is introduced. This is solved by the time the Leftovers finally assemble, and since it is an early problem, it may not even bear repeating, but the fainting, the walk in the rain--they did not feel organic. I could see the connect-the-dots for both the two other female students and the beleaguered club owner. I'll get into that further down.

Art:
I didn't find any glaring issues. Your style is a tried and true one, and your level of polish--and no doubt your foresight in regards to going to print--make this a clean, unimpeded read. Your work is easy to glide through, very smooth and sleek. This is in great part thanks to your competent flow of motion. Every pose is a circuit of energy that can easily be followed and interpreted. This remains consistent throughout your comic, except for your hands. Your hands are inconsistently smooth. The big offender is 2-07. Frances ogre hands in the first panel compared to her smooth but swollen hands when she's holding and looking at the broom--it's a stark contrast. Another one is on 1-21. Some hands look fine, some look great... and some are missing fingers.

Looking back through the comic now, quite a few of the hands are notably sloppy. This may just be a convention of the style, but I personally found my eyes drawn to them just as much as to the delightfully slick and expressive faces. It would be a shame for your aesthetically pleasing character design to be betrayed by slipshod hands. Hands and faces are both equally as expressive, and convey a ton of information.

Again, though, I couldn't find any code red issues with your art. It looks good. it looks very similar to many other comics like it, but it looks good. The most accurate judgement would be: your comic's adherence to the conventions of this style are charming and pleasing to the eye. The character design in particular is interesting because while it is derivative of similar works, it might still trump much of its competition and inspiration. For example, I've lowkey fallen in love with Azzi. Now I AM Italian, so that may be a factor, but you've certainly made it easier. The small stylistic choices--the sleekness of her hair, the fact that she has the only eye color in the cast--make her far more engaging to look at, and therefore read, than every other character. This boon extends to most of the cast, with three notable exceptions: Mr. Fulton looks younger than half the cast, and everything about him so far begs for him to be much older--instead, he's treading water between archetypes and reads as a stock male character from a Rom-Com. The other two, Britt and her (I think) unnamed companion, are distracting because my brain keeps seeing the blonde and Asian duo from Big Hero 6. That might be fine when they get more characterization--IF they get characterization. I am assuming they are reliable supporting characters, I could be wrong.

My final comment here is that your sense of color is strikingly lovely. The violet tone is not only easy on the eyes, it oozes that jazzy coolness you'd expect from a comic like this. I'm a big fan of only using small splashes of color to point out notable features, effects, or objects, so I'm firmly on board. Keep this up, it's as aesthetically pleasing as your characters.

Writing:
It took a second read through for my thoughts to caramelize. That means two things. On the one hand, once again, nothing made my pupils dilate in surprise; on the other hand, the potential issues here proved to be rather insidious. Before I get into that, I do want to say that your pacing is ultimately fine. Events happen with a comic but appropriate speed, I don't feel rushed, and I don't feel like I've been in the rehearsal room for three months. Pacing is not the issue, or rather, it is not the core of the issue.

My concern is one that will probably be more relevant with time--you're taking no chances on ambiguity, which makes certain scenes longer than need be, which could be interpreted as a pacing issue. That's not the real price, though. The real price is that the dramatic moments lose their poignancy when I know every thought running through character's brains. The comedy is largely immune from this, which is big props to you. Your comedic timing is almost always on point. The Raccoon bit was great, Anton is endearingly amusing, and while Frances is insufferable, her design makes most of her slapstick stuff consistently humorous.

The dramatic deflation is more the phantom lurking over many of the scenes. The dramatic deflation is, unfortunately, most evident in the scene where Azzi has her first encounter with her conscience. That monologue reads like a parody because it so thoroughly diagnoses and explains the emotional stakes. The only ambiguity left is what exactly the accident was, and that is far less compelling of a question than "How has the accident changed Azzi?" You can answer the former question in a simple statement--not as compelling. You answer the latter question with a full character arc. That entire conversation with her conscience was unnecessary, and demystified Azzi in an unfortunate way.

The same problem comes up in her second encounter with her conscience. Again, we get a full rundown of how friendless Azzi is. I think it's said at least three different ways. Those are the two obvious examples, but the ghost of overexplanation hangs over Frances and Mr. Fulton for much of the comic. They skirt the edge of constantly telling the reader what they're thinking and what they're feeling. Your sense of expression is strong that this is doubly frustrating. Your faces are worth a thousand words each.

Now recall that i said my issue would probably be more relevant over time. I said that because there is an equally GREAT example of subtle storytelling--Seymour's brief conversation with his father. You tell me nothing of their relationship EXCEPT that Seymour calls his father "Sir." That's a big hint. That tells me everything I need to know--and leaves me wanting more. I now pay attention to what Seymour does and how he acts, trying to make the connection between that suggestion of hierarchical submission and his habits. That should have been how Azzi was handled. Far more organic that way.

Summation:
Other than that, your comic is rock solid. You didn't need me to tell you that, though, given your sizable audience. Imagine if those 3.2k gave you 1-2 dollars a month... my mouth is watering. Anyway, the big takeaways should be that you have a great sense of color, mood, and motion, and you have strong expressions of face and gesture, but I can't help but wonder if you're shorting yourself due to some conscious or unconscious lack of confidence. The characters are interesting, you just need to let them draw the audience in. The front-loading of information, especially for Azzi, drains the power of your artistic skills. And as a final note--take care that Frances stops becoming endearing. The line between endearing and insufferable is very, very thin.

[GusC]

Round 12

Flirting with Death

Goals:
You've taken on a difficult task. Gritty, edgy, black comedy dramas are--I think--more difficult to pull off successfully than their tamer counterparts. This is especially true given that your story is meant to be one founded on moral indifference. From the get-go, you'll be fighting the innate desire for moral clarity and order that most readers out there have. It will be a hefty task to break through the general sense of decency--and unease toward indecency--that characterizes the vast majority of people. This is an ambitious goal, but it's one that I have to respect out of sheer nerve.

I was taken off guard, at first, by how uneasy your intentions are. What i mean is that your description of your intent is rife with qualifiers, halfhearted energy, and a general sense of indecisiveness. "Sort of"; "___ but that's fine because..."; "It's X, but it isn't." I would read through your intentions several times, because I can't help but feel you have some lack of confidence or conviction in your angle. Multiple angles are one thing, but there are lots of contradictions to account for. This is shaping up to be an extremely ambitious effort.

Art:
You have certainly improved over the year and half you've spent on your work. Your anatomy and proportions stand out as particularly refined compared to your initial pieces, which is probably one of the bigger hurdles to navigate. Your style is definitely in keeping with the stereotypical tumblr standard, but what i found absolutely intriguing is how much I was reminded of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. Your character design draws a clear line to that as an inspiration, as far as I can tell, and it is surprisingly successful in characters like Foreas and ... I think his name really was Increase Decrease, which is definitely very Jojo-esque. The absurd accouterments of style are generally effective with the dramatic and loathsome exception of Jason's hair. I genuinely am unable to understand the design choice that brought you there, but, as always, I assume competence, so you must know what you're doing with that.

Truth be told, I personally found most of the characters with the exception of Foreas and Increase Decrease to be quite off-putting. I'm intrigued, however, because the cheap ugliness that creeps behind their designs--in varying degrees--seems meticulously created. That purposeful ratchety-ness gives your amoral story a ton of visceral power. It's funny--at first, I expected that my art critique would be on the more negative side, but the more I think about your intentions and the story's themes of vanity, excess, and gleeful sinfulness, the more i find that the art style may in fact be absolutely perfect. if that's intentional, you're a genius. If it isn't, then I still think you have one hell of an opportunity to tell a uniquely dark and disturbing story.

This is especially true given that the only two "attractive" characters are Foreas and Increase Decrease, both angels with flawed but ultimately more transcendent moral compasses than any of the other degenerate fiends they've partnered with. True, they are dragged into the mud by those they choose to help and hang with--and become romantically involved with--but their comparative beauty makes the ugly edge of Jason and Neptune all the more effective. Outside of your context, most of the characters look fairly grotesque. Chapter 3 as a whole is a good example. Their black, emotionless eyes, their selfish grimaces, their painted, artificial faces and hair--I was disgusted, but fascinated. The context was needed for me, however, because otherwise their looks do them no favors.

Writing:
For clarity's sake, I'll speak outside of that dynamic. In a vacuum, devoid of the context you provided, I found myself repulsed by the characters, by what they say, by what they do, and by their appearances. None of them are likable, and my interest in them was founded solely on a desire to see them fall victim to the fates. They all have it coming, and I can only imagine how satisfying it will be to see each of them face retribution. it's a shame that God seems to have been overthrown by an angel bureaucracy--which is an awesome idea, by the way--because I'd love to see him rain down punishment on these murderers and philanderers. Luckily, it seems that destiny and the Seraphim agenda may make a good show of it.

The most recent pages have implied some background into one of the most abominable, hateful characters--Neptune--and the as of yet unexplored ghostly bartender, and this was... surprisingly well done. The story was tastefully narrated by the victim, and Neptune did in fact gain some iota of sympathy. Not even close to enough to challenge her odious vanity and bloodlust, but it suggested that the hollow vice that I had thought was her soul in the early stages of the comic may have some redeeming quality.

That's a good moment to say that your dialogue is definitely ultra-edgy, which may be your intent by the looks of things. It's hard to take seriously, yet is simultaneously genuinely unnerving. The characters' lack of self awareness makes their villainous mewlings all the more repugnant.All in all, I don't find the biggest offender--Jason--either funny or endearing. I genuinely hate him, and I hope he dies when he is scheduled to die. I hope it's at the hands of Mr. Moscow, as well, because he amuses me. Why his angel buddy is into him, I could not say, and it is a rather bothersome inconsistency. Not only do I not know why Foreas loves Jason, i don't recall the comic ever really explaining. Jason just attracts people because he's an absolute garbage human being with a ridiculous shredded mop of green booger hair.

The plot is going along more or less fine, but I think you'd benefit tremendously from a Majora's mask style countdown to the day of Jason's death. That would solve ALL pacing inconsistencies and timing problems. It would also ramp up the intensity and tension of the timeline--an adrenaline kick of energy which is much needed in a comic where there has been a TON of talking and little action in recent pages.

As a final note, the level of sass that every characters shows every character is becoming tiresome and over done. It is a disservice to the genuinely sassy characters, and it makes the hateful characters even more hateful in a frustrating way. In a story full of despicable people, the reader can very easily succumb to fatigue.

Summation:
I am stunned that I had such a positive reaction, in the end. Now that may be only because of my own projections onto your work, removed from your personal desires, but either way, i think you have a great opportunity to tell a story that has rare been told. A story about monstrous people, with no sympathy, meeting their inescapable destiny is cathartic. What isn't is a story that barley tries to redeem its monstrous characters, and instead allows them to mingle and thrive in a world devoid of moral standards or expectations. The human soul can only take so much vice.

[Wumbl]

Woah, thanks. This really was a meaty review. Thanks for pointing out the things I should be emphasising with my next reveals! They really help me stay on track... Emphasising Jason's as well as Foreas' psychology will really help flesh out their characters and I'm glad you pointed that out to me. Occasionally I need a little kick in the pants to make sure I remember these little details.
Also I'm glad you enjoyed the Sassy Bartender arc! I'm definitely proud of it.

[GusC]

Reading now. If you want to become a game designer, do yourself a favor, and don't go to college for a video game related degree UNLESS it is programming. It is much easier for your life if you seek a lateral move, not an insertion. I speak from experience. Get an art degree, or a business degree, or something like that. Even a communications degree is more valuable.

[GusC]

Everyone deserves some God damn meat. You did put the work in, after all.

[aqua03]

Thanks, I've actually been looking at art and animation degrees recently over game design degrees. (That, and the game college I had my eye on closed.)

Can't wait to see your thoughts on my comic!

[Wumbl]

Also I love that everyone thinks my work is inspired by Jojo even tho I only started getting into Jojo this year! Even when I first met my writing partner he looked at my art and asked if I read Jojo and I had never even looked at any Jojo art before...

Guess I just have a similar style.

[GusC]

Great minds think alike, as they say!

[Wumbl]

You called me a genius and I giggled like a little kid bc I didn't think it was that smart what I was doing lmao... The concept of making everyone look a little evil and gross felt like an obvious decision for me so maybe it's a fluke hahah

[GusC]

Round 13

Edible Green Tea

I wish I knew anything about Kamen Rider, but, alas, I do not. To be driven by a desire for improvement is as pure a motivation as anyone could claim, as far as I'm concerned.

Goals:
Accessibility is a noble goal, but it can be a trap. As has been shown time and time again, trying to cast too wide a net can be problematic. Lack of focus is a killer. I am an enormous fan of Hark! A Vagrant and JoJo, so I was excited to dive into what you got going on here.

You have quite a bit of career ambition, which is good to hear, but I was doubtful that your ambition would manifest itself through your work--I was wrong. You've been hammering at your webcomic for almost two years now, without any stutters that I could find. What's more, you've started another comic, taking what you've learned and applying it. I'm going to be pretty critical in the following sections, but you need to know that Hard Work beats Talent every day that Talent fails to Work Hard. You've already beaten at lest half of all webcomics out there that die in their infancy or wither away. I hope you stick with it and I hope you maintain your passion for your craft. it will serve you well as you continue to grow.

Art:
There's no beating around the bush here: you are a beginner artist. While you certainly improve over the course of two years--compare Alpha Alpaca to your first strips of Edible Green Tea and feel good--the slow growth and lack of polish have me convinced that you have not been putting in the time to learn the fundamentals: Line, Color, Shape, Form, Texture, etc. Your grasp of these concepts and your ability to apply them to make mature looking art has yet to be developed. I would suggest more than anything else that you put serious time into practicing and refining the basic skill set of drawing. There are many resources for this, and given your ability to commit to your comic, I'm sure you can commit to a disciplined approach.

I have no other substantive comments to make on the art simply because it currently is not at a level at which any thorough or nit picky advice would help. Given your ambitions, it is especially important for you to prioritize practicing how to draw--anatomy, perspective, shading, etc. You will be grateful you did. The earlier you start, the better off you will be.

Writing:
Simply put, I did not find the strip to be funny. That may be because I am not too familiar with absurdist humor, but I don't think so. The recent Masked Pupper run has some adorable slapstick humor, but beyond that, your strips tend to explain the joke and overstay their welcome. In the most recent comic, we see a prime example of this. Two characters are eating, one blows their soup to cool it down, drenches her partner--and in the final strip, she explains, for the second time, why it happened. If this were an ongoing strip about these two leading to a revelation, this would be fine. But the comic ends there. That's the joke--she can't handle hot food, she blows over-zealously, and then explains, again, that she doesn't like hot food. Not only is there no absurd humor in the situation, any comic circumstance is drained by that one extra sentence.

In fact, i'll extend that to almost every strip: there's too much talking. Characters talk too much, whether it's too much exposition, too much unnecessary chit chat, or, most heinously, spoon feeding the punchline to the reader. I'm suddenly recalling one of your influences being Hark! A Vagrant, and I do recall that she also has more text than the average gag strip, but she makes it work for one core reason--literature and historical texts are her bread and butter. The absurdity comes with characters like Ben Franklin saying irreverent and slang-infused dribble. That doesn't work in your comic, because your comic has far more structure and far fewer motes of contextual gravity. Yvonne, Sparky, and all the others are unique characters in a world of your making. You actually have some clever ideas here. My favorite is your Nixon gag, where he is put off by all of the -gates of today. That works, largely because he says only a little more than he should. I would think about how much writing is necessary for the joke to be funny. The funniest comics--Farside, Calvin and Hobbes, etc--are effective because they allow the visuals to carry a ton of weight and they allow the audience to fill in the textual silence with their laughter.

You should go back to your source material and absorb them more. Read ALL of them if you need to. You have great influences to learn from, but I can't help but think you aren't trying hard enough.

Summation:
I'm blown away by your commitment, frankly. I honestly hope that I can match your devotion to your craft and your comic. I'm three months into my work, and while I feel energized, I can feel the pressure mounting. You have endured this for almost 2 full years. You've put in the time, but I wonder if you've put in the effort. You can more or less dismiss my writing critique--your art should be the first thing to improve. That will require dedicated practice on your part, which should be simple given your ambitions. It own't be easy to do, but it will be easy to adopt. If you can channel your grit and patience into disciplined practice, you'll leave us all in the dirt. For now, however, you have a lot of work to do on every front but your heart.

[GalacticPotato]

I'd say being compared to JoJo is a pretty good thing still