Round 11
Leftovers
Goals:
I much prefer the graphic novel format to the webtoon. Granted, I don't read these things on mobile, as so many do, but I appreciate the more """traditional""" construction. You say you had no clue what you were doing, but I can offer the slight reassurance that it is hard to tell. I never felt aimless. It was not some museum of your disorganized thoughts. It becomes manifest only in how haphazardly and less than logically most of the supporting cast is introduced. This is solved by the time the Leftovers finally assemble, and since it is an early problem, it may not even bear repeating, but the fainting, the walk in the rain--they did not feel organic. I could see the connect-the-dots for both the two other female students and the beleaguered club owner. I'll get into that further down.
Art:
I didn't find any glaring issues. Your style is a tried and true one, and your level of polish--and no doubt your foresight in regards to going to print--make this a clean, unimpeded read. Your work is easy to glide through, very smooth and sleek. This is in great part thanks to your competent flow of motion. Every pose is a circuit of energy that can easily be followed and interpreted. This remains consistent throughout your comic, except for your hands. Your hands are inconsistently smooth. The big offender is 2-07. Frances ogre hands in the first panel compared to her smooth but swollen hands when she's holding and looking at the broom--it's a stark contrast. Another one is on 1-21. Some hands look fine, some look great... and some are missing fingers.
Looking back through the comic now, quite a few of the hands are notably sloppy. This may just be a convention of the style, but I personally found my eyes drawn to them just as much as to the delightfully slick and expressive faces. It would be a shame for your aesthetically pleasing character design to be betrayed by slipshod hands. Hands and faces are both equally as expressive, and convey a ton of information.
Again, though, I couldn't find any code red issues with your art. It looks good. it looks very similar to many other comics like it, but it looks good. The most accurate judgement would be: your comic's adherence to the conventions of this style are charming and pleasing to the eye. The character design in particular is interesting because while it is derivative of similar works, it might still trump much of its competition and inspiration. For example, I've lowkey fallen in love with Azzi. Now I AM Italian, so that may be a factor, but you've certainly made it easier. The small stylistic choices--the sleekness of her hair, the fact that she has the only eye color in the cast--make her far more engaging to look at, and therefore read, than every other character. This boon extends to most of the cast, with three notable exceptions: Mr. Fulton looks younger than half the cast, and everything about him so far begs for him to be much older--instead, he's treading water between archetypes and reads as a stock male character from a Rom-Com. The other two, Britt and her (I think) unnamed companion, are distracting because my brain keeps seeing the blonde and Asian duo from Big Hero 6. That might be fine when they get more characterization--IF they get characterization. I am assuming they are reliable supporting characters, I could be wrong.
My final comment here is that your sense of color is strikingly lovely. The violet tone is not only easy on the eyes, it oozes that jazzy coolness you'd expect from a comic like this. I'm a big fan of only using small splashes of color to point out notable features, effects, or objects, so I'm firmly on board. Keep this up, it's as aesthetically pleasing as your characters.
Writing:
It took a second read through for my thoughts to caramelize. That means two things. On the one hand, once again, nothing made my pupils dilate in surprise; on the other hand, the potential issues here proved to be rather insidious. Before I get into that, I do want to say that your pacing is ultimately fine. Events happen with a comic but appropriate speed, I don't feel rushed, and I don't feel like I've been in the rehearsal room for three months. Pacing is not the issue, or rather, it is not the core of the issue.
My concern is one that will probably be more relevant with time--you're taking no chances on ambiguity, which makes certain scenes longer than need be, which could be interpreted as a pacing issue. That's not the real price, though. The real price is that the dramatic moments lose their poignancy when I know every thought running through character's brains. The comedy is largely immune from this, which is big props to you. Your comedic timing is almost always on point. The Raccoon bit was great, Anton is endearingly amusing, and while Frances is insufferable, her design makes most of her slapstick stuff consistently humorous.
The dramatic deflation is more the phantom lurking over many of the scenes. The dramatic deflation is, unfortunately, most evident in the scene where Azzi has her first encounter with her conscience. That monologue reads like a parody because it so thoroughly diagnoses and explains the emotional stakes. The only ambiguity left is what exactly the accident was, and that is far less compelling of a question than "How has the accident changed Azzi?" You can answer the former question in a simple statement--not as compelling. You answer the latter question with a full character arc. That entire conversation with her conscience was unnecessary, and demystified Azzi in an unfortunate way.
The same problem comes up in her second encounter with her conscience. Again, we get a full rundown of how friendless Azzi is. I think it's said at least three different ways. Those are the two obvious examples, but the ghost of overexplanation hangs over Frances and Mr. Fulton for much of the comic. They skirt the edge of constantly telling the reader what they're thinking and what they're feeling. Your sense of expression is strong that this is doubly frustrating. Your faces are worth a thousand words each.
Now recall that i said my issue would probably be more relevant over time. I said that because there is an equally GREAT example of subtle storytelling--Seymour's brief conversation with his father. You tell me nothing of their relationship EXCEPT that Seymour calls his father "Sir." That's a big hint. That tells me everything I need to know--and leaves me wanting more. I now pay attention to what Seymour does and how he acts, trying to make the connection between that suggestion of hierarchical submission and his habits. That should have been how Azzi was handled. Far more organic that way.
Summation:
Other than that, your comic is rock solid. You didn't need me to tell you that, though, given your sizable audience. Imagine if those 3.2k gave you 1-2 dollars a month... my mouth is watering. Anyway, the big takeaways should be that you have a great sense of color, mood, and motion, and you have strong expressions of face and gesture, but I can't help but wonder if you're shorting yourself due to some conscious or unconscious lack of confidence. The characters are interesting, you just need to let them draw the audience in. The front-loading of information, especially for Azzi, drains the power of your artistic skills. And as a final note--take care that Frances stops becoming endearing. The line between endearing and insufferable is very, very thin.