Round 4
Path of the Fallen
I'm a simple man. I see JoJo as an inspiration, I'm interested. I'm doubly interested to see that there's a chance of horror/thriller tones. That's rare these days.
Goals:
Serious stories are a strange beast. The vast majority of serious webcomics out there found their tension on romantic drama or the dynamics of mental illness. It is rare for the "seriousness" to be more traditional--grim atmosphere, higher stakes, a real sense of peril, etc. Personally, I'm eager to see more of them. That said, there are some legit reasons why you don't see more: it's VERY easy for serious works to end up being ridiculous and melodramatic. When serious themes/scenes/stakes are treated with an all too common flippancy and clumsiness, the thematic power is diluted and turned into cringe. I think everybody is hyper aware of this risk--the sensitivity to "edginess" reinforces the problem--and therefore avoids it, or feels obliged to lay heavy on being tongue in cheek or overtly facetious. I'm curious to see how the choice of manga-style visuals works out. The memes are not kind to the combination of serious tones and anime conventions.
Art:
Like I mentioned in the topic post, the anime/manga style does not come easy to my eyes, so bear that in mind. It's a notable disclaimer, because it will no doubt color any and all observations I have, one way or another.
Ultimately, the artwork is what I have come to expect from this visual genre, anime-inspired fantasy. You competently align with the expected conventions of the style--each character exudes an air of grace, poise, and polish. That's obvious. If your goal is to represent this style, then you do a fine job. The art looks exactly as I expect it to look. Depending on where you stand, this may be a good or bad thing. On the one hand, as I said, it conforms to the expectations one has when viewing this genre of work. It conforms well enough to convention that my mind was filling in gaps, supplementing your work. That's a powerful dynamic, encouraging your reader's mind to project their own anime expectations onto your work. On the other hand, like I said, it is sufficient, no more, no less. The technical polish is sufficient in that I was not distracted by any wonky anatomy or goofy perspective or any such thing. Your command of the fundamentals is a sufficient vessel for the whole experience. If you're hoping for a unique style, I can't say you've found it. I would have trouble picking your art out from much of what I've seen. So, in the end, while your art is certainly good enough to carry its weight, it is neither interesting/compelling/unique nor technically professional.
Now, all of that is part in parcel of the artistic process, so it's arguably not worth talking about. Obviously, we are all working on our artwork. That's an endless quest right there. However, I want to draw special attention to what I think is your most important issue at the moment: your art is stiff and clumsy. Totally inert. It relies completely on speed lines to convey any sense of motion, energy, momentum, or sense of urgency. I don't feel the weight of the characters, or the speed of movement. The effect is crippling for a comic that puts such emphasis on dramatic fights and powerful warriors--any tension/drama/satisfaction is drained from the scene when it looks like the characters are being propped up rather than moving through space.
The big offenders here are the last few panels of Prologue Part 1 and the first few panels of Part 2. Take a close look at literally every frame of the fight. Both Saladin and Red are clearly supposed to be clashing in a climactic and ultimately brief confrontation, and I know that the intent is to underscore each of their martial prowess. I know that I'm supposed to see that Red is, even without his infernal empowerment, a swift and powerful swordsman who can--even if only briefly--match the talent of a demigod. I know that I'm supposed to appreciate this scene as a demonstration of how far beyond mortals Saladin really is. I clinically know all of this. The issue is that the visuals aren't really enforcing that. In every combat panel, neither Red nor Saladin's pose translates as having momentum. They are stiff and stationary. The only hint of energy is the set of speed lines in each panel.
The solution is practicing gesture, which is all about finding the channel of motion in any given pose, following the flow of energy through movement. To be more specific, however, I'll bring up the importance of exaggeration. Take the panel of Red sprinting through the celestial spears: you chose the single most inert frame of a run cycle--when both feet are planted on the ground. This pose does not convey motion. It is wooden. It looks like he's just standing there. And take a look at Saladin, in the panels where he's impaling Red. There is no motion at all. We see a spear in his hand, and we see, from a truly terrible POV, spears already through Red. No sense anticipation, seeing the spears rocketing toward Red, no sense of weight as they pierce his body and shunt him backwards, and no sense of tension, seeing each of their faces watch what is about to happen. The scene, which should be a thrilling and powerful start to a story about one hell of a comeback (hehe, hell), is instead dull.
The corollary problem to all this is your character expressions. I get that this is a convention of the genre, that the core characters maintain a steely outward composure, that they have a very specific and aggressive nonchalance. However, I think this is a trap. It is yet another way for tension and drama to be siphoned away from a given scene. Neither Saladin nor Red seem much bothered by literally anything that happens. When Saladin has his face cut, that's a good example of doing it right. I can see that he's shocked, I can see that it is a slight humiliation, I can see a grudge forming in that face.
I can't find any other notable positive examples. Red is a block of wood, Saladin is bored of everything (and not in an expressive way, rather in a stock photo way), and the pantheon is just a collection of statues. No emotion, not even the captive girl. She gives a shit eating smirk and that's about it. The lack of expression is a harsh blow to me being able to respond. If the characters are bored, then I'm going to get bored. Syla the imp is something of an exception, come to think of it, but she barely skates by, and her saving grace is being a chibi in a world of grim scowls. See, it's frustrating to me that I cannot find expressiveness and energy of action in your comic, because every inspiration you've named relies heavily on fluidity and momentum. Devilman and Jojo in particular are extremely dynamic, their characters moving with unique liveliness and showing NOTORIOUS levels of expressiveness and exaggeration. Your work is simply too stiff right now to channel that kind of power.
All of this said, I need you to tell me RIGHT NOW how you did your backgrounds, because I want them. I want them bad. They look sick. That heaven looks boss.
Writing:
I don't have too much to say, because, as you said, it is very early. The narrative is in its infant stages, and, to be honest, the premise is a great, classic story that is always appealing. Therefore, I can only say that the story is moving along nicely. The dialogue is very touch and go--the conversation in the Hall of the Divines reads pretty well, and Syla is mildly amusing, but otherwise, the dialogue is pretty tacky. Saladin has nothing but cliches to talk about, Red has nothing to say, and Syla is just a plot device--and she is a blatant mimic of every mocking anime character line ever conceived, down to the implied cadence of her voice. Ultimately, Saladin and the captive girl are the only characters who say anything that suggests something important about their character--Saladin is disdainful/dismissive/arrogant and the girl is plucky/rebellious/scrappy--but even they haven't tread any interesting ground. The rest of the cast just moves the plot along, so far.
As a side note, I'm skeptical about naming the divines with such "custom"--sounding names and having their titles reference strange names. Impossible to remember and rather clumsy sounding. Eildren, Seeker of Larel takes the cake as being too strange sounding to be memorable, but not alien enough to be mysterious. This is a minor point, though, and not too impactful.
Summation:
This sounds like a brutal review, I know, and it is no secret that I am biased against styles such as yours. The problem for me is that all the good stuff you have going for yourself is just not very unique or eye catching. It's tread ground. The visual style, to my eye, blends with almost every other anime/manga style work I've seen so far, and, paired with a distinct lack of energy and dynamism, fails to grip me. It hasn't mastered the conventions enough to be an impressive representation of the style and it isn't strikingly novel enough to pique interest. The writing is just too early to tell, I won't make any claims one way or another. All i have are momentary observations. All of this said, i think you have tremendous potential. Be bold! Break away from the tired manga look. Explore your own take on the conventions. I want to see what Samuraiflame has to offer, not what manga-artist #39547548 has on the conveyor belt.
