"Muting is self care"

[joannekwan]

Try not to worry too much! How they feel about your work (and what it entails: followers, money, etc.) is not your responsibility.

If they do feel alienated, hopefully they know it's their personal problem and no fault of your own. If any do seem to lash out, even in a passive-aggressive sort of way, well, then they aren't really your friends.

[SleepingPoppy]

NGL though, this thread makes me so nervous about being someone with a moderate following and alienating my creator friends....

In most cases if you're actually mutual friends, one person being successful is helpful because you're more likely to expose your audience to your friend. I think what's most common is someone following a popular artist because they like their work, and then when they're in a negative place mentally, they start feeling jealous and frustrated with themselves so they unfollow/mute/whatever.

But if a legit friend is feeling jealous, it's on that person to handle those feelings in a healthy way. It's got nothing to do with you, and it's probably not rational. (I have experience a toxic jealous friend, and the jealousy was super over nothing and it sucked). Most people will just deal with their feelings and move forward, not freak out or become alienated from you.

[Caro]

That's why I sort of stopped using my personal instagram but I'm still on my creator page from time to time to keep in contact with fellow creators.

I've never been able to fully maintain a personal account! I tend to keep in touch with my creator friends over email or discord or irl. My personal life and work life are toooo intertwined.

Try not to worry too much! How they feel about your work (and what it entails: followers, money, etc.) is not your responsibility.

If they do feel alienated, hopefully they know it's their personal problem and no fault of your own. If any do seem to lash out, even in a passive-aggressive sort of way, well, then they aren't really your friends.

That's very true I've learned a million times over that those people aren't my friends even if I try to help them. Folks who passive-aggressively lash out are probably the people that occupy most of my mute list even if I still follow them.

In most cases if you're actually mutual friends, one person being successful is helpful because you're more likely to expose your audience to your friend.

This is very true! My partner and I have gotten a lot of my friends into comics gigs or into publishers by helping them with their pitches and letting them namedrop if they need to (though the work always stands on its own tbh!). Its a lot harder to do that online with a following but with books it's a little easier (probably because that's where we have any real pull).

But if a legit friend is feeling jealous, it's on that person to handle those feelings in a healthy way. It's got nothing to do with you, and it's probably not rational.

That's so true. My only real problem I have currently is with a friend irl whose family supports him so that he CAN make comics full time but he doesn't make much (if any) money and he'll ask me what I've been up to work-wise and when I tell him he gets super passive aggressive towards me. (Weirdly, he doesn't do that with my husband who is also in the same position and he just praises him all day??? sexism?????? idk!) but yeah I try to treat it like its his problem, not mine.

[jmhenry]

But for jealousy and envy, the general consensus seems to be 'just don't be' and I don't think that's fair.

That's not entirely true. There are ways to manage envy, if the person wants to. On the creative side at least, it's converting that envy into motivation to do better. Friendly competition is kinda based around this same thing: two or more people repeatedly one-upping eachother in some field, indirectly motivating all parties to do better.

Real life stuff like friends getting married when you haven't is kinda tougher to point out. Personally, you either remain hopeful for your time to come or you wind up you let it go, and focus on other things. Nothing comes to us by demanding that we have it, and we kinda just need to be alright with that...

[DiegoPalacios]

Twitter is such a pit of hatred that is not worth having one.....

I just don't use social media that doesn't interest me

[jmhenry]

Like how many times can one congratulate this internet acquaintance (if even, if not a stranger) before it starts feeling hollow? Any salt aside, I can imagine the person just becoming numb from seeing it all the time.

I'll be honest, this I actually get and have recently gone through on twitter. several posts in a single thread each time they got guest art, meanwhile 5 promised on my end and all five ghosted by the deadline. It was kinda demoralizing, but I never really unfollowed or muted them, just scrolled on and continued with the day. It was probably done to get more people on board with it anyway, can't really harsh on a strat if it's working for them

[joannekwan]

Motivation to do better is all well and good, but sometimes that 'better' is limited by a person's physical capabilities. They might not be able to produce work at a rate or quality that can rake in the subs.

So is it so bad for them to put blinders on to ignore all the great work they cannot achieve and just focus on themselves and what they can achieve with their limitations?

[jmhenry]

Dunno. I've been speaking in generals the entire time. Naturally, it gets harder to say when you have to account for every individual person's situation. You just don't know. My point in general is that there's healthier ways to handle feelings like that than muting or unfollowing friends. Any more specific, and we're just splitting hairs

[indagold]

I'm the opposite, I follow artists who are better than me and more successful than me cause I love their work...

but unfollow anyone who posts politics in my feeds even if their art is good lol if my feed is just art and cute animals, i'm happy.

[DiegoPalacios]

I only follow whatever interests me, be it more or less successful than me....

There is always the chance of learning something from the more succesful ones......

[SleepingPoppy]

My point in general is that there's healthier ways to handle feelings like that than muting or unfollowing friends.

But in general people already know that and do that. It's only really in case of specifics that people mute. I feel like specifics are the point. XD

[jmhenry]

It should've been in the original post then. Again, if we're all just making assumptions, my assumption isn't any less wrong than yours, lol

[SleepingPoppy]

I'm just sharing my different perspective ¯_(ツ)_/¯

[Oto_Kouda]

I agree. I'm really lucky because I stopped using social media at 12. As in... at all.

The trippiest part about not using it was that my music taste diverged, and I had no idea what shows and songs and etc. were popular. People would ask me "Hey, what's your insert-media-here?? and I'd always have to respond with an awkward "Oh, I don't have XYZ."

I ended up missing out on years and years of drama between other people because of it, and not gonna lie, I did sometimes feel weird because I...honestly couldn't relate to people who were stressed out by social media.

I made a Twitter account really recently for the sake of promotion and such, and PHEW have I been in a time capsule! I think I would've gone a little nuts being on something like that over the past decade!

[jmhenry]

I made a Twitter account really recently

No, go back! Save yourself!
If there was anything I could go back and redo, it probably would be to stay away from twitter until wayyy later. But I also wouldn't have met some of my art buddies if I did. Twitter is a little devil bird like that XD

[Oto_Kouda]

Oh, I've heard from friends ALL about the cesspool it is!

As a new user, it feels like Infinity War, but instead of superheroes, it has a weird mix of Tumblr refugees, Facebook Moms, "typical Discord users," a sprinkle of 4chan, and an unexpected amount of underground adult content

I just post promotions and shower thoughts. I shan't fall into Tartarus!

[FafasMcMelt]

That's a weird flex... but ok...

[joannekwan]

I was just posting what I post not only to express my opinion but on the chance that someone reading shared similar feelings. I want to let them know that their feelings are valid and that I've experienced it. Been there, done that. And if muting/unfollowing helps them cope then go for it!

It may not be the best way to deal with feelings of jealousy/envy, but it's not self-destructive nor is it a method harmful to the other person especially when you have no personal tie to them anyway. Certainly, there are worse ways of handling it like being hostile toward the other person, disparaging them to others, or falling into a self-destructive spiral. So I think muting/unfollowing is fairly harmless.

[DiegoPalacios]

It may not be the best way to deal with feelings of jealousy/envy, but it's not self-destructive nor is it a method harmful to the other person especially when you have no personal tie to them anyway. Certainly, there are worse ways of handling it like being hostile toward the other person, disparaging them to others, or falling into a self-destructive spiral. So I think muting/unfollowing is fairly harmless.

walking away is definitively healthier than succumbing to envy......

and focussing of being the best version of me instead of being "the very best like no one ever was"

Hope this helps to whoever is reading

[DiegoPalacios]

Motivation to do better is all well and good, but sometimes that 'better' is limited by a person's physical capabilities. They might not be able to produce work at a rate or quality that can rake in the subs.

that's why comparing oneself to others is a waste of time and energy....not everyone is on the same scale for different reasons. The only person one needs to compare themselves to, is their past self.....that's the more practical and emotionally healthy for self improvement.