"Muting is self care"

joannekwan 2021-07-14 21:50:27 UTC #21

Yeah, in my post you initially replied to, I did mean feeling happy for strangers and not people I know irl and folks I see regularly and have had exchanges with (so like this forum).

But as far as my perspective on giving and receiving praise, I'm sure there's lots to unpack with me but I'm not a mental health professional LOL

I did use to post about milestones years ago when I was just starting my webcomics, but those were more for the readers who had helped support me to get there. I would draw little bonus pics for them or do a giveaway. I don't really do them anymore simply for lack of time. I'm jaded, busy with things, I gotta move on.

I guess the biggest achievement I celebrated recently was finishing my novel, but that was mostly to push sales of the print/ebook book. I didn't make a big deal with it and still felt weird when my irl friends congratulated me with a handwritten card and giftcard.

Like I know finishing a whole novel and 3 webcomics is a big thing, but I didn't feel like it was. It's just something I did. Onto the next project.

jmhenry 2021-07-14 21:55:18 UTC #22

Didn't factor experience in ^^; I could see just moving on to the next project after 3 webcomics and a novel. Congrats on all, btw! That's nothing to sneeze at, lol

joannekwan 2021-07-14 22:16:52 UTC #23

I imagine it's for accounts that start in a similar pool as the muter, so like similar engagement, followers, etc. and then the other just shoots off and explodes for one reason or another. And then they continually post about each milestone they break and it just gets taxing after a while? Especially if that constitutes most of what they post and they aren't posting any new core content.
Like how many times can one congratulate this internet acquaintance (if even, if not a stranger) before it starts feeling hollow? Any salt aside, I can imagine the person just becoming numb from seeing it all the time.

Caro 2021-07-14 22:21:03 UTC #24

NGL though, this thread makes me so nervous about being someone with a moderate following and alienating my creator friends....

sorible 2021-07-14 22:25:02 UTC #25

That's why I sort of stopped using my personal instagram but I'm still on my creator page from time to time to keep in contact with fellow creators.

DokiDokiTsuna 2021-07-14 22:28:41 UTC #26

Sometimes it does. Especially when the specific type of fulfillment they have the freedom to boast about is something that feels unreachable to you at the moment.

It's hard not to have negative feelings when you're in a situation like that, and it's easy for that negativity to become targeted towards people who don't have to go through what you're going through...this is one strategy to prevent that from happening.

I think it's more toxic to let feelings of envy and bitterness fester under the surface and start to color how you treat people than to just admit to yourself that you need a break from them.

Like, if your friends are getting married and the fact that you can't do the same is so painful that you feel the need to get away from them, that's not just pettiness. That's your brain trying to tell you that you're hurting, and you need time to heal.

This might be an unpopular opinion, but envy is an emotion like any other, and it needs to be managed and prevented from causing collateral damage, just like any other.
For anger, we have anger management. For sadness and loneliness, we have emotional support. But for jealousy and envy, the general consensus seems to be 'just don't be' and I don't think that's fair.

I guess it's hard for other people to swallow that not everyone around them will always be 100% happy for their successes and joys, and fully expect them to do the 'polite' thing and just pretend anyway...? Which is fine, for those who can handle it...but for those who can't, I think stepping away is the next best thing.

And this thread is specifically about social media, which isn't real life (and often concerns people you don't actually know and don't owe any of your time and energy), so...I don't see any problem with just muting and going on with your day.

joannekwan 2021-07-14 22:28:52 UTC #27

Try not to worry too much! How they feel about your work (and what it entails: followers, money, etc.) is not your responsibility.

If they do feel alienated, hopefully they know it's their personal problem and no fault of your own. If any do seem to lash out, even in a passive-aggressive sort of way, well, then they aren't really your friends.

SleepingPoppy 2021-07-14 22:41:50 UTC #28

In most cases if you're actually mutual friends, one person being successful is helpful because you're more likely to expose your audience to your friend. I think what's most common is someone following a popular artist because they like their work, and then when they're in a negative place mentally, they start feeling jealous and frustrated with themselves so they unfollow/mute/whatever.

But if a legit friend is feeling jealous, it's on that person to handle those feelings in a healthy way. It's got nothing to do with you, and it's probably not rational. (I have experience a toxic jealous friend, and the jealousy was super over nothing and it sucked). Most people will just deal with their feelings and move forward, not freak out or become alienated from you.

Caro 2021-07-14 23:03:25 UTC #29

I've never been able to fully maintain a personal account! I tend to keep in touch with my creator friends over email or discord or irl. My personal life and work life are toooo intertwined.

That's very true I've learned a million times over that those people aren't my friends even if I try to help them. Folks who passive-aggressively lash out are probably the people that occupy most of my mute list even if I still follow them.

This is very true! My partner and I have gotten a lot of my friends into comics gigs or into publishers by helping them with their pitches and letting them namedrop if they need to (though the work always stands on its own tbh!). Its a lot harder to do that online with a following but with books it's a little easier (probably because that's where we have any real pull).

That's so true. My only real problem I have currently is with a friend irl whose family supports him so that he CAN make comics full time but he doesn't make much (if any) money and he'll ask me what I've been up to work-wise and when I tell him he gets super passive aggressive towards me. (Weirdly, he doesn't do that with my husband who is also in the same position and he just praises him all day??? sexism?????? idk!) but yeah I try to treat it like its his problem, not mine.

jmhenry 2021-07-14 23:05:17 UTC #30

That's not entirely true. There are ways to manage envy, if the person wants to. On the creative side at least, it's converting that envy into motivation to do better. Friendly competition is kinda based around this same thing: two or more people repeatedly one-upping eachother in some field, indirectly motivating all parties to do better.

Real life stuff like friends getting married when you haven't is kinda tougher to point out. Personally, you either remain hopeful for your time to come or you wind up you let it go, and focus on other things. Nothing comes to us by demanding that we have it, and we kinda just need to be alright with that...

DiegoPalacios 2021-07-14 23:14:54 UTC #31

Twitter is such a pit of hatred that is not worth having one.....

I just don't use social media that doesn't interest me

jmhenry 2021-07-14 23:15:04 UTC #32

I'll be honest, this I actually get and have recently gone through on twitter. several posts in a single thread each time they got guest art, meanwhile 5 promised on my end and all five ghosted by the deadline. It was kinda demoralizing, but I never really unfollowed or muted them, just scrolled on and continued with the day. It was probably done to get more people on board with it anyway, can't really harsh on a strat if it's working for them

joannekwan 2021-07-14 23:19:50 UTC #33

Motivation to do better is all well and good, but sometimes that 'better' is limited by a person's physical capabilities. They might not be able to produce work at a rate or quality that can rake in the subs.

So is it so bad for them to put blinders on to ignore all the great work they cannot achieve and just focus on themselves and what they can achieve with their limitations?

jmhenry 2021-07-14 23:33:06 UTC #34

Dunno. I've been speaking in generals the entire time. Naturally, it gets harder to say when you have to account for every individual person's situation. You just don't know. My point in general is that there's healthier ways to handle feelings like that than muting or unfollowing friends. Any more specific, and we're just splitting hairs

indagold 2021-07-14 23:34:50 UTC #35

I'm the opposite, I follow artists who are better than me and more successful than me cause I love their work...

but unfollow anyone who posts politics in my feeds even if their art is good lol if my feed is just art and cute animals, i'm happy.

DiegoPalacios 2021-07-14 23:40:06 UTC #36

I only follow whatever interests me, be it more or less successful than me....

There is always the chance of learning something from the more succesful ones......

SleepingPoppy 2021-07-14 23:42:24 UTC #37

But in general people already know that and do that. It's only really in case of specifics that people mute. I feel like specifics are the point. XD

jmhenry 2021-07-14 23:44:37 UTC #38

It should've been in the original post then. Again, if we're all just making assumptions, my assumption isn't any less wrong than yours, lol

SleepingPoppy 2021-07-14 23:53:28 UTC #39

I'm just sharing my different perspective ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Oto_Kouda 2021-07-14 23:56:57 UTC #40

I agree. I'm really lucky because I stopped using social media at 12. As in... at all.

The trippiest part about not using it was that my music taste diverged, and I had no idea what shows and songs and etc. were popular. People would ask me "Hey, what's your insert-media-here?? and I'd always have to respond with an awkward "Oh, I don't have XYZ."

I ended up missing out on years and years of drama between other people because of it, and not gonna lie, I did sometimes feel weird because I...honestly couldn't relate to people who were stressed out by social media.

I made a Twitter account really recently for the sake of promotion and such, and PHEW have I been in a time capsule! I think I would've gone a little nuts being on something like that over the past decade!