My birthday review party [Closed]

[DasIstWunderblyat]

Thank you very much for the review and I don't mind at all you being slow or late. I hope I can use your review as a feedback to write better

I'm not a native English speaker , and I haven't got time to edit the earlier chapters I hope it's not that confusing for now. Also some characters' speech are deliberately written in broken English.

I'm really glad you can enjoy some aspects of it, especially the character interactions as I'm planning for a character focused story.

What do you exactly mean "could miss a little more overall plot?" Sorry if I ask too much, but please do tell if the plot is not clear enough.

Again, thank you very much for this review! I guess this is my first time too being reviewed I hope you had great time with your birthday.

[jensrichard77]

Well. in the begning as a new reader I was a little confused. Is this about the political life on another planet? Is this about everyday teen problems or are we headning into some mystique magic?
In the first 6-7 chapters it is mostly about teen problems with no special connections to the planet life.
But as I read more and more it became more and more about Koras world, and that's where the polt is. His world.
I guess my expectations when I reed a novel vs a book, is that a book can have all the time to set characters and world it want to (Lord of The Ring) but a novel should do the polt clear within the first 3 chapters.
But that's just how I think.

[DasIstWunderblyat]

My intention was to make a gradual staking into the real plot problem reveal It's never intended as the story that has clear goal like "I'm a hero I'm gonna save the world" in chapter 1; instead in chapter one you see a disturbed kid trying to sleep with a presence of a supernatural force.

Prologue was there to indicates setting, an earthquake, and that magic exists. Chapter 1-3 was there as introduction and characterization, and sneak peek of minor problems. Chapter 4-6 was the escalation of minor problems, and a perspective of stranger. While starts fom chapter 7 is the resolution of that smaller problem and start of a bigger problem.

Well, that was my intention and indeed it can have different result than expected Where do you think the plot started to show, so I can evaluate the previous chapter? (I think I'm gonna ask the other readers too)

If you have any other things to say feel free to

[GamerPrincessXI]

Nova & Max :: Nova & Max | Tapas

[jensrichard77]

I guess that the earthquake introduction made me think that this is another planet political novel.
The hint of magic at the morning table was too short to give the hint of Kora's world and more like that he pulled a bad prank at his uncle.
I was expecting his late home with his friend that the uncle was somehow afraid of Kora, if the magic was the plot. but the dialog and character development are good and important at that point.
Perhaps, if the story starts with the late home scene after the earthquake then the morning. you get the same story but in a better way??

Just my thoughts

[DasIstWunderblyat]

• Planet political? Hmmm... (Though not entirely false)
• I see about the magic of chapter 2, I will try to revisit the chapter, thank you I never thought of that, actually I intend to keep it short because the pacing may be slower and to keep it mysterious... But I will try to edit it
• Hmmm... The actual story is 8--9 months ahead of prologue, and I have some reasons to make it so plot-wise or pacing-wise. I will try to reimagine the story if it was done that way, though; because actually in the previous draft I discarded it happens before the earthquake.

Sorry if I made this too convoluted for you I'm just glad someone finally do this to me

[jensrichard77]

No problem.
The way I see the beginning and introducing to hook new readers could be:
-Earthquake
-Late home angry uncle (no friends)
-Morning with some magic
-Scool and eat out with friends
-Late home with fear of uncle
-Dinner with an uncle that shows to be careful to not trigger magic

That way we understand that Kora fear to be late and also understand that magic is powerful

[jensrichard77]

Hello @GamerPrincessXI
I guess you are new here at Tapas. And welcome to the forum.
The party here is over and the thing here was to exchance review. Not just dump promotion.

But If you like, I’m up for one more.

[GamerPrincessXI]

Yes, please. It's kinda my first webcomic and I hired a color artist to do the work.

[jensrichard77]

Well, then let's do this. I'm also curios about what you will thing of my comic too.

[GamerPrincessXI]

Yes, please... it's kinda my first webcomic and I hired a color artist to do the work.

[jensrichard77]

What a lovely beginning to a great lovestory.
The art its cute an the coloring is well spend. Good job @amortelito
I like that you are using music and I believe that you got a good one here for the first episode. But the use of music can also backfire depending on the reader. Just letting you know.

The story part is at this moment short and I can't tell were this goes? But I believe that it will continue in the sweet and cute way i startede. Did she even noticed that se took the trashed jeans on?

Overall I do believe that you have a good comic here, but it is too early to say.
I did see you youtube too. Cute and a good intro to the comic. But could use same quality as the comic itself.

[DasIstWunderblyat]

I will consider that, although I can't guarantee I will edit it that means the earliest chapters will be hard edited and revamped.

I don't know if what you mean "Late home angry uncle" is directly after the earthquake or using time skip, but I assume it the latter.

His magic is not that powerful per se, but is annoying (some kind of energy draining).

Again thank you very much and sorry for the problem

[GamerPrincessXI]

True. I should use the same style as the comic but my art style switches a lot. I said that I'd update every Thursday. Should I change that to every two days?

[jensrichard77]

Actual i think that the first late home after the earthquake, should be the hole late home dialog, but without his friends.
Then when we get the next late home, with his friends, it will be a history repeat, but with an amber mood because his uncle don't want to trigger the magic again.

[jensrichard77]

I'm not the one to ask, BC I just update whenever I feel. But to begin with the story could need a page or two more to get into what it is more about.

Now remember to leave a review for my comic too. The good and the bad.

[GamerPrincessXI]

Okay, I already did.

[jensrichard77]

Oh. the comment at first page. Cool. got it. Thank you

[jensrichard77]

Ah. found it. The last page. Thank you for taking the time and give the review. Glad that you like it.
About the Aliens and other stuff:
"Blue Life is an open universe where everything is or isn’t a coincidence or a parallel to reality, depending on the reader."

[GamerPrincessXI]

Ah..... good luck with your comic and thank you for subscribing to mine.