Need honest feedback on my novel 🙏

[Aero]

I've had little interest shown in my latest novel since it's been released (I also haven't promoted it very much due to fighting Tapas to keep it up on the website) and I've just been feeling a little promo'd out (if that makes sense) sooooo...!

I'd like some genuine thoughts on my novel! It's only 10 chapters so far (a prologue and 9 chapters) and it's about a woman who was bullied to her death and she wakes up to find she's now reborn as a dog in a new world full of magic, which she struggles to adjust to.

Doesn't need to be a full review or anything, I'd just like to know if it's an enjoyable read. Thanks

Read Reincarnated into Another World as a Dog Familiar?!? | Tapas Web Community

[Krysteena]

Chaos I plan at least 2 seasons of ideas before typing!
I am currently making season 3!

Read Lightning doesn't strike twice | Tapas Web Community

[Aero]

Still open to an ACTUAL review I can do a return review as well but it won't be very eloquent

[Aero]

Still open btw! I've got 13 chapters ready to be read if anyone wants to help me out

[Aero]

What should I change the title of this thread to so people notice me too?

[drbwp4]

Okay, so I read the prologue and the first chapter. Here is an honest review of what I thought of them. I absolutely love isekai and isekai where the mc becomes something other than human. One thing that put me off a little in your story is it feels too fast. I understand the need to get to the second world within one chapter, but the prologue gave me the feeling that Dinah and those other mean girls just killed Valerie because she was flirting a little with some guy. The concept is really good, but I would like to have a bit of a slower build up to when Valerie slaps Dinah, because honestly I didn't even realize that it was Valerie who was doing the slapping at first.
I'll try to go through the other chapters when I can, but I would like to recommend this video to you as reference of what I am talking about with the slower build.

[Aero]

Thank you for taking the time to read it! But, you didn't read very closely, as it's EXTREMELY clear that she slapped Dinah.

"Stop!” Valerie’s voice rose as she slapped Dinah across the face, the sound echoing in the open air. Dinah froze, her hand flying to her reddening cheek.

“You’re going to regret that,” Dinah hissed.

I do agree that I write fast though, I will admit that. I get too excited to share lore and my creativity gets ahead of me a lot, it's true.

[drbwp4]

Yes, I did notice after a second read through. But the voice of Valerie changing is what confused me. Each of your characters has a specific voice. Valerie seems really reserved so it shocked me that it was her who hit Dinah and not the other way around. Sorry for not being very clear about that.

[Aero]

I get where you're coming from. Even a caged animal will stand up for itself if its emotions run high though, so its not totally unbelievable

[drbwp4]

I agree that Valerie could be pushed to hit Dinah. That's why I recommended that video. I think it does a good job of explaining the build up to an argument. If you get a chance go watch it. I think you have a good story and I'm excited to read more of it.

[eldritchtroubadour]

I read the prologue and first chapter and I'm sorry to say I don't have a very positive impression of the story so far

First, the premisse itself seems interesting, with lots of potential directions you can go with.

Yet, the prologue felt like a collection of cliches one after the other, while the pace felt too fast. On top of that, you TELL the reader a lot more than you SHOW. Not that you don't do it, but it felt like the balance wasn't there yet.

For example, I liked how when Valerie/Cleo speak and the whole room goes silent. That is a really good way to show that's not supposed to happen. But right after you tell people are amazed and terrified of it, making it feel not as dynamic in my eyes.

Here's a good video if you want to know more about it:

Another thing I'm negative about is how you keep using the passive voice a LOT. For instance, instead of saying "they were laughing at her" you could say "they laughed at her". In general, an active voice makes it more engaging for readers.

Here's another good video if you want to learn more on that:

Also, there were a few grammar mistakes here and there that I noticed. I can't say much about that one myself, seeing as English isn't my first language, but overall one I notices came to "she were being wrapped" instead of "she was being wrapped".

Anyway, hope this doesn't demotivate you and you use it as a chance to learn and grow yourself. Now, time for the shameless plug (even though I only had negative things to say) where I ask you to check out my own webnovel. Unless you are angry at me, in which case that's fine hahahahahaha

Read The Ascendant's Path | Tapas Web Community

[Aero]

No, thank you! I really just wanted to know if I was explaining things well or if my pacing was too fast, since I didn't think this story out thoroughly like I did my past two novels before. I'll try to take your words to heart, but Idk if I'll edit them to work better (because that's a lot to re-work) so thanks anyway!

[eldritchtroubadour]

No need to edit what you already published, just learn from it and keep improving. Brandon Sanderson said that to fully find your style, you must write and finish three books. This way you clean your writing and finds your own style, while getting some good experience along the way.

And if you want, there's a online tool named Hemingway (after the author) that I use to make my writing better. If you willing to invest some money, it can even pick up on your grammar mistakes too, so give it a look.

https://hemingwayapp.com/