@xirus2001
Hi, I took a look at intro 
I am not an expert; honestly, I consider my writing medium, so take it with a pinch of salt.
What I can see is that as a reader, I'm thrown directly into the world, and the intro is long-filled with characters and a few action points. It could be divided into shorter parts, especially when Jiwon appears as a character - 'three days later' could be next chapter.
And as an add-on, take a look. You sometimes have fonts mixed; you have "," and enter, and the next sentence starts with a big letter. It may seem it was posted without re-reading. Some also can drop off because of this. Plus, I notice past tense is mixed with present tense. Authors' notes, you can add in the section for this, then links are clickable (not to add it in the story).
I subscribed; I will take a further look.
PS let me know if, in some way, you want me to publish some comment under your chapter-it'll help you to fight the algorithm:)
If you want, give your feedback to me (haha, as I wrote, it's easier to comment on someone else's writing; I am pretty sure I have mistakes as well). So, I'll appreciate feedback 
