Novel Description Feedback

used2care 2021-04-22 11:46:56 UTC #1

Could someone please give me some feedback? I'm looking for ways to improve my novel description.

Brook Williams, a high school teacher, fell in love with one of her pupils.
Eighteen-year-old Harry Johnson was hot, dangerous and persistent.
Will Brook give into him or play by the rules?

ISNEKO 2021-04-22 17:29:26 UTC #2

Hehe. That name.

I like descriptions like these. They're short and sweet and don't fucking make me read a tome when all I wanted was cliff notes. This works for me.

Good luck with your book.

used2care 2021-04-22 19:58:26 UTC #3

Thank you, I was a bit worried that maybe I should lengthen my description also but I can't think of what else to write without spoiling the novel. lol

domisotto 2021-04-23 01:12:18 UTC #4

Try putting it in present tense, no matter which tense the story is written in. It gives the blurb more immediacy and will sound more intriguing. The other thing, you finish the description with a rhetorical question. If your books ends with the teacher telling the hot hound stud that he is acting inappropriate and they maintain professional relationship, that would be... not like 100% of books go. So, instead of the questioning the reader about your book’s content, I suggest a strong statement that will sum up the stakes: what is the worst thing that could happen to Brooks, what does she need to avert it, what should she learn in the course of the book in order to avert it?

Kaydreamer 2021-04-23 03:07:14 UTC #5

I really like it! Aside from the suggestion to shift it to present tense, I wouldn't change anything about it. (And even that is a stylistic choice. I'm a fan of past tense, present tense is a more modern trend.)

The subject gives me the chills though, haha. I'm a high school teacher myself and this is the stuff of nightmares.