Advertising copywriter checkin in cuz pitch writing is my jam these days!
I think you've hit most of what you need to hit, but the opening sentence is weak. We've got the king, the country, the government, and a team of elites. It's a lot to take in and we don't know who we're supposed to care about.
I know usually adjectives are a nono but I'd like one for the King. Is he young? sickly? mysterious? capricious? cruel? Any word that might hint if it's the first time he's disappeared it or if it might be suspicious. bonus points for a "k" sound tho cuz alliteration is bomb!
Then I'd nix the government cuz nobody cares about governments as a character, and bring the king's nephew in early, and name him cuz he's presumably a big character.
When the cruel King of Alfheim disappears, his nephew, Prince Bob must lead a team of elite soldiers to find him. Bob quickly discovers that there's more at play than ....
nix the colon, and make the next sentence hit harder.
Divine creatures are playing puppetteers, monsters roam the continent, and at the center of it all stands a mysterious hero, Egil.
iffy on the magic part cuz here's where you'd usually bring in your nephew character again if he's important.
War looms if the King can't be located, and Prince Bob needs to save Egil from the dark magic he's fighting before it ends the world.
put it all together!:
When the cruel King of Alfheim disappears, his nephew, Prince Bob must lead a team of elite soldiers to find him. Bob quickly discvovers that there's more at play than simple kidnapping. Divine creatures are playing puppetteers, monsters roam the continent, and at the center of it all stands a mysterious hero, Egil. War looms if the King can't be located, and Prince Bob needs to save Egil from the dark magic he's fighting before it ends the world.
Anywho hope that helps! It's like a five minute edit, so could still use some massaging!
Here's mine for funsies:
Boy loves girl, boy loves boy too?
With a deadbeat job and a struggling long distance relationship, Inho’s quarter-life crisis takes him across the world to win his girlfriend back. When that fails too, a chance encounter with her rich, attractive, and kink-obsessed boss Stephen leaves him questioning his own desires. Does Inho want to become Stephen, or sleep with him?