Novel: Would love some feedback on my first steamy romance scene [NSFW]

[Glofernwolfe]

I'm on the 23rd episode of my novel and would love some feedback on the first romance scene I've ever written. I usually write serious science fiction / fantasy. But someone told me I should explore all aspects of my character including romance.

The romance happens in the first few paragraphs itself. Would love for some feedback on this steamy romance scene. Is it too much? Is it too mushy? Is it unemtional? Is it too less (and so could I extend it?)

Read The Adventures of Zovhara Ashfrost :: Almost Human | Tapas Novels

Thanks in advance!

[Lensing]

I read it a couple of times and here is my feedback.
I was hoping you continue in the direction with the hungry kisses, I think
that´s the right direction.
The rest of it is too less and too cold, not steamy.

NSFW feedback

describe how they kiss each other greedily, how
they discover their bodies with their hands, they rip their clothes off in a rush
+ you could describe the how they are doing it in sync with the music while they moan. Stuff
like that. You have to be really passionate about it yourself to write a scene like that otherwise
it will not read as a passionate scene

[Glofernwolfe]

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[Glofernwolfe]

Yes! Thanks this is exactly the kind of feedback I was looking for mate. I thought it wasn't spicy enough and needs to be improved. Thanks a ton! All excellent points!

[KevinReijnders]

Yeah I have to agree with @Lensing here, the scene lacks a lot of spice, so much so I had to remind myself they were having sex to begin with.

You could definitely focus more on the sex itself, describe their actions and their sensations.

[Glofernwolfe]

Yup ok I'll try that. I get a bit embarassed writing about the details of sex... but you're right. I'll try.

[liminal-collapse]

I know a lot of writers who struggle with details, and partly because a lot of people go straight to details = choreography, which can be super weird to write (unless that's your thing). But there are a lot of ways to show "spice" without being explicit.

[Glofernwolfe]

Ikr? I don't want to make it explicit. I want to keep it clean, but also show my character, Zov'ha's, emotional side. Particularly because I've always shown her as a fighter.

[KevinReijnders]

I think you can definitely keep it clean, while also making it a bit more spicy. Forego focusing on the mechanics of sex (ie, all the genital stuff) and instead focus more on the sensation of having sex and the emotions it makes your character feel.

[liminal-collapse]

The great thing is that readers will largely read in anything obvious, so you can focus on the not obvious aspects - how do the characters behave? Is one vocal? Is one quiet? Are they impatient or are they controlled? Excited? Confident? Shy? Scared? Does being the focus of intense attention affect them in different ways? Do they feel a greater connection? Does that scare them? Some people shut down because it's too much. Other people will chase that feeling of connection.

I don't write a lot of sex anymore because I find it rarely serves the stories I write, but when I do write it, it has to grow the character or move the plot along in some way, and nobody needs an anatomy lesson for that to happen