Notes: saying trade caravan the second and third times is a tad redundant since we already know what sort of caravan it is.
If the man is invisible because of the cloak, I'd like a bit more description of the cloak (is it a riding cloak, a dusty cloak, a large cloak, what does it drape like?) and perhaps you could explain what the kind of hat is without the part in parenthesis if you said something along the lines of "he wore a weimao, the long veil shrouding his face to protect it from the sand." not that exactly of course, but instead of the parenthesis.
When you're describing the place, the statement "the walls curved upward from the ground" is a bit unclear, as I can't tell what that means. The rest of the description is clear, but could use a bit more color, adjectives, or similes that make the imagery more vivid: Example: "Silk sashes streamed from the tops of the tall columns that flanked the main gate, fluttering in the wind like tethered blue (or whatever color) birds."
The description of the young man is good, except that I have no idea what phoenix eyes are lol. But I think that saying his name and that he was the bodyguard of the caravan in that place wasn't the best pacing, because it seems to just be thrown in for exposition,
Also, the part where he enters the palace could be a little smoother. You didn't mention when he entered the palace, and suddenly he's inside. I like the part describing the light coming through the windows though, more detailed descriptions like this would be good.
Also, it doesn't seem to make sense that the attendants waited until they were inside the palace to lead them to the stables. And then you don't give any of the details about them going to the stables, or explain that he was taking a drink before Leiyu is approached the second time, so it makes the scene feel a little rushed and choppy there.
The line saying that the other merchants were also surprised feels a little on the nose, perhaps you could rephrase it? example: "His own surprise was mirrored in the faces of the other merchants."
If you could describe the way the silks wrapped around the columns, that would be nice. Example: "wrapped around the columns like affectionate pythons." Also since you'd already said the throne room was fancier than the hallway, you didn't have to repeat "than what Leiyu had seen previously."
saying "dropped to their knees in a kneeling position" is a bit redundant, as it can be assumed, you could just say "dropped to their knees."
Saying "King Xenon." And then "the king" in the sentence directly after it is unnecessary, you can just say "he." it makes the lines smoother.
I also feel that the line "Please make yourselves at home and join us later for the banquet." would be better divided into two sentences, for example: Please make yourselves at home! Later you will join us for our banquet.
A few more times here, it would be good to use pronouns directly after referencing a person rather than saying their names, or positions over again. And saying hair ornament each time was unnecessary when you could have simply said ornament, once we knew its relevance, and other sentences could be combined into compound or complex sentences to flow more smoothly.
Also, I feel it would be smoother to say the woman with the king looked young, or too young, rather than to say that she looked like she was in her early twenties.
so final say: you have very vivid world and character designs, but you could use a little more imagery to make them seem less on the nose, and perhaps a little less time spent describing what everything looks like. But most of the images are very clear, so good job!
