Opinion on unsolicited critiques?

[thetalentedmrwulf]

I went rummaging through some old books of mine looking for a particular pair of quotes to make sure I had them right because I feel like they're very applicable here. Both are from Neil Gaiman.

Quote the first:

“I suspect that most authors don't really want criticism, not even constructive criticism. They want straight-out, unabashed, unashamed, fulsome, informed, naked praise, arriving by the shipload every fifteen minutes or so.”
- Neil Gaiman

and quote the second:

“Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong.”
- Neil Gaiman

I have to agree with @Jenny-Toons on the general idea that the best actual advice on how to resolve a problem with writing will come from other writers and editors and so on in your network. Comment sections are like WebMD - they might be helpful regarding diagnosis, but you ought to see a doctor to figure out a cure.

Which is why unsolicited DMs are the only part that REALLY bothers me. Those presume a familiarity with me that I'm not okay with. It's like having a stranger walk up to me on the street, get in real close, and whisper advice on how to lose weight or whether or not my clothes look good.

[BreakingChalk]

DM are weird for a critique, but really depends on the way it's delivered.
Just as I've received DM's from people telling me they like where the story is going, I could too accept DM's of those who don't, as long as it isn't something immature like "lol, ur pp smol" just to put an example, LOL.

[marbl]

Getting unsolicited DM's weird me out in general, but getting critiqued in them are on a whole new level of weird lol, but if they were actually constructive or helpful, I welcome those. If those critiques were condescending or offensive in any way, they mean less to me. I think the way people handle these situations are completely up to them.

[wekanian]

Ugh I generally would not like unsolicited critiques. But, if they word it in a way I don’t find it condescending, I usually take what they say into consideration.

[Puck]

I love critique when I ask for it, I can take it and I say thank you to everyone, I accept critique from amateurs the same
like from pros. Not everyone can do that, some people ask for critique and are insulted by it.

Unsolicited critique on finished artwork on the other hand is like an attack. Once the art is finished then you
have to accept that this is the vision of the artist and it´s done, doesn´t matter what your intentions are.
Some people redraw people´s artwork, I don´t have the right words to describe how angry I am about that

[Scarlet_Cryptid]

Yeah, I've never appreciated critique on finished works either. I mean... it's done. What do you want the artist to do about it? Maybe digital artists could fix small things like repositioning an eye or something, but larger things, like 'hey, the perspective of this cityscape is off' are just... you can't fix that, that's a re-draw. And I'm not even a digital artist. I'm using ink! Once it's down, it's down! So pointing out 'hey, that character's head is too big' is just.... well, what do you want me to do about it?

The most useful form of critique, at least for me, is if someone points out a thing I have a tendency to do, across multiple images. Like, if I habitually make a character's head too big, and it doesn't seem to be a deliberate style choice. That bit of feedback could be useful for future artworks, even if it comes too late to help this one. Of course, this assumes that the viewer is familiar enough with my artwork that this is something they've noticed over time, and most people aren't that committed.

[oOafterburnerOo]

It's like a complete stranger walking up to you on the street and critiquing your outfit.
Not cool.
A certain type of person thinks their random opinion is a blessing to you, IRL or on the internet.
That type of person is not a cool person. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

[MARNSOA]

Oh yes!! The tendency thing is a super good point, actually. It's a lot more helpful to point out a trend than it is to point out a singular mistake because you're bound to make at least one in every piece of art you make. Had this type of advice given to me several times and it's always super helpful, esp if what you're doing has become a habit. Then you don't think about it at all until someone points it out to you

The traditional thing is a huge deal too! It always irked me when people thumbed through my sketchbooks and let me know something looked off. Like,,, lemmie whip out my white out?? I can't change it, and I don't really want to after I've finished, finished something

[UrMom]

Eh I used to get upset when I was a teen, but have long stopped being bothered by it. People are going to criticize you on every aspect of yourself, from your work ethic, to your appearance and behavior, or just... everything, really, getting unsolicited critique on drawings or a story is one of the least upsetting thing in that category you can experience. I go by the mindset that if they're not insulting you as a person, then you shouldn't have anything to be upset about. Drawings, text, they don't feel anything, they're not alive and it's a waste of energy to get offended for them. That being said I do think the critic (Assuming they're doing a proper critique, and care about that person's work.) should gauge the artist's threshold, and ask if it's alright to give their point of view.

Overall the nice thing about getting critique on the internet is you can just ignore it. Say "okay, thanks!", then move on if you don't like it, or don't say anything. Also it doesn't hurt to consider a critique, but you don't always have to apply it. I've gotten a lot of well meaning critique over the years, but many of them would have changed my comic's story entirely if I had applied them, so I filter out the feedback that can make what I'm already doing better.

[liaroger]

I expect people to say whatever they want when I post something to a public space but that doesn't mean I like unsolicited critiques. I don't think they're great for several reasons:

1) You don't know what headspace the artist is in. No matter how helpful you think you are or want to be, you don't know what your critique will do to their mental health. It might be as simple as they just finished their piece or update after working on it for hours and aren't ready to hear criticism yet (if the first thing they hear is "oh x looks off" it's just... Unpleasant. Chances are they'll view their piece more critically or even ask for critique anyway). Or they might have depression, anxiety or self doubt and you could be making it worse. I know some people will roll their eyes and say someone this sensitive should just get off the internet but I'd counter that with there is no reason for you to be inconsiderate, and I'd argue that critique given with the mindset of "you must be able to take it and appreciate it at all times or I don't have respect for you" isn't exactly good faith critique anyway.

2) There's only so much we can work on and take in at once and you have no idea where they're at in their art journey. Personally, I go through phases where I can take in new information and seek out feedback and advice, and phases where I have to consolidate the things I learned and people pointing out lots of things wrong with my art would just be overwhelming to me because there's nothing I can acrually do with that critique. I don't have the mental capacity for it. You also don't know what the artist is currently working on, where they started out, where they want to be and what they were going for with their piece. Chances are your critique will be redundant (pointing out things they already know and are working on or planning to work on later because they're focusing on something else right now) or unhelpful at best, overwhelming at worst. Hell, you don't even know if the artist wants to improve. Some people just want to have fun with their art and don't care about improving. Without knowing someone's goals and what they were going for in that particular piece, it's hard to give helpful feedback anyway, and a lot of it will be based on personal preferences. A lot of people don't make that clear and act like their opinion is objective and the law of art. Not everyone of course, but many.

3) You just don't need to give it. There are enough people asking for feedback online, why not focus on them? There is simply no need to impose your opinion on someone who's just doing their thing in their own little niche of the internet. If you want to be helpful to a specific artist for whatever reason, perhaps you like them, you can always ask if they want feedback or advice first, and then respect their wishes. If you really, really want to critique a specific person's art, think about why it's so important to you to share your opinion on someone else's art that you're not paying for with the artist? If it's to help them because you particularly like them, it should be easy to focus on what would actually be helpful and kind to them. And if your way of helping isn't helpful to them why not focus on helping those who ask for help?

And then giving good feedback is a skill too but that's not what this thread is about... Let's just say there are a lot of bad faith critiques out there that serve the critic's ego more than the person being criticised.

Anyway. I feel like I'm preaching to the choir, and I'm sorry if this came across as a little too passionate. I just don't like the whole "you post it online you have to deal with whatever people say otherwise you're sensitive and can't take criticism and should get off the internet" attitude, and I dislike some people's black and white view on taking criticism (you can either take all criticism always no matter the circumstances or you can't take cricitism). Like yeah, duh, the internet isn't a safe space for anyone. But there's no reason for someone who wants to be helpful to contribute to the assholery.

With all that said, I personally tend to just ignore it or try to learn from it when I'm in a headspace where I can take it in because personally, I want to improve. But that's me (now).When I was a teenager, I was way more insecure and took everything strangers on the internet said to heart (especially adult artists, they're eXpErTs after all and who am I to disagree with them I don't wanna be a little bitch etc etc etc...), but now I don't get extremely upset anymore. I just still think it's a dick move and completely unnecessary. Most people seek out advice and feedback at some point, and it's not that hard to focus on those who ask for it.

[vothnthorvaldson]

So, just to confirm some things because I am getting more and more confused and I would as well know to avoid making mistakes (for the altruistic part) and stop having too much expectations on getting critique (for the selfish part):

1) People who don't like receiving unsolicited critiques mostly consider these as mean and/or useless?

2) They tend to think the person making them is either trying to hurt, or thinks they are better, or at best, are a bit inconsiderate?

3) When people get critique on a finished drawing, they tend to find it useless and hurtful because the drawing can't be changed, rather than thinking the person critiquing may mean it's something to keep an eye on in the future?

4) In case of art posted on social media, people prefer to get critique publicly rather than privately? (That's a huge new thing for me! Possibly cultural difference or maybe due to the evolution of internet? Is it because DM from unknown/little known person= creep; or is it really a preference for critique specifically?)

All these have for answer 'no' for me personally, so it's very puzzling.
To be truthful I very, very rarely give unsolicited critique to people I don't know well enough to assume they'll be fine with it, but it's mostly because of my low level. In other fields than art I would. As well know what to expect with art before upsetting everyone

[maice]

I do feel a little bothered when it happens to me. I guess it bothers me because it means I didn't do something right. Usually I wait a day or so for my defensiveness to cool down before I really address the comment. What I've learned is - they're usually right!!! So I try to always listen and really consider what they're saying because it's nearly always paid off.

I can't seem to help that defensive feeling I get right off the bat, and I still don't like getting unsolicited advice. But looking back I can't complain when it's made my story stronger. It just sucks. But it's a good kind of suck? As the reader they are seeing things from a view that I, as the author, will never have.

Lately I ask questions, like, do you think I should have addressed this? So people might give their opinions without hesitation. It makes me feel less embarrassed when I'm asking for advice rather than being called out for my wrong-doings. And I have made alterations based on responses I've gotten.

[indagold]

I'm sick of people complimenting my work. It's the only bullshit I put up with the entire time online. I feel not receiving any criticism stifles creators and makes them too comfortable with their product to improve. And I think its stupid that the rare time you can get criticism, artists act like it's an attack on themselves instead of their art. People should be grateful to get any criticism, it shows people want you to improve as an artist. I think this whole "unwarranted criticism is an insult" is just people who are too afraid to be told their work isn't perfect... why do you think reviews exist in the first place? lol If people can unwarrantably critique films and music, they can do the same to art.

And btw all the unsolicited critiques have helped me improve my art by leaps and bounds cause they pointed out something I never noticed before on a brand new page... which probably would never happen if I just waited and waited to ask for a critique.

[Yulek]

I think that someone would Dm you, could be because pointing out mistakes publicly, like in comments, would be rude and humiliating.

generally, I think it's fair to assume good intentions.
whether critiquing when you see a mistake is rude, or polite, varies from culture to culture, so in an international space, they might just be doing the polite thing.
like when you see someone with their fly down. Do you keep quiet to not make them feel embarrassed for having it pointed out, or do you tell them, so they don't run alround all day with their pants open.

personally, when someone takes the time to spot and point out mistakes, I'm really grateful, if they didn't misread the tone.

like, if I post something and say "just a doodle" then I wouldn't really care for feedback, since I wouldve spotted the mistakes myself, probably, if I put in some more care into the drawing.

tho I also have a thick skin after some years of art adjacent schools. feedback is pretty harsh when you're lucky

honestly, my most frustrating classes are the ones, where everyone is being too nice.
actual, unsugarcoated is hard to come by but so valuable.

I get that it makes a difference, whether you do it JUST for fun, or if you have ambitions and aim to improve.

but that's a desicion everyone has to make for themselves.

I have some acquaintances though, who will reject all feedback, only want praise, but then also very vocally complain about their lacking skills. which of course then makes ppl want to give advice to help them.

[liaroger]

@vothnthorvaldson I replied to some of your questions but ofc reading it is optional and you don't owe me a reply. Personally I don't think most people who give unsolicited critique have bad intentions, I think they probably just want to help. It's not about the intent but about the effect though. You don't know what headspace the person you're critiquing is in and what effect receiving your critique at the moment where they receive it will have. That can easily be prevented by asking if they want feedback, because then you'll know and they will have the opportunity to mentally prepare to take in criticism and learn from it.
I do think there are bad faith critiques out there, there are people giving intimidatingly detailed, complex and overwhelming critiques with detailed advice meant for advanced artists to beginners. That combined with using terminology like it's part of your everyday vocabulary, name dropping of certain experts like you've studied them all, and just a certain manner of speaking (or writing) just comes across as "I am an expert so let me give you some advice but mostly look how knowledgeable I am I am so smart and such an expert." Usually it's more information than a beginner can process so while the critic could just not know better I get the impression that this does also give them an ego boost and they like to show off at least subconsciously. Nothing wrong with that, except when it's at the expense of another artist who might be flooded with things they must improve and things wrong with their art that take years to learn.

As for the public vs private thing, personally I prefer public feedback. Receiving an unsolicited DM (if the person asks first and says they just prefer DMs) it's no problem) with feedback will, first and foremost, make me wonder why it's private instead of public. I can think of three possibilities: 1) It's inappropriate in some way, it crosses certain boundaries and that would make me uncomfortable 2) (which is more likely) it contains so much criticism that the critic feels bad about posting it publicly because they don't want to humiliate me. Aka my art is so bad it can't even be critiqued publicly. That would make me anxious and feel pretty bad about my art. 3) The critic might just be a little too anxious or self conscious about posting publicly. No big deal. But there's always the possibility of number 2 being the case, so I would be a little anxious initially. Doesn't have to be a big deal but it can be prevented by, again, asking first.

Another reason why I prefer public feedback is that it can be pretty biased and bad advice even if the critic means well. I've seen this happen twice, one time it happened to me when I was an insecure impressionable teenager, and I also saw it happen to a young writer. Here's the thing. When I was younger, I'd be intimidated by every self proclaimed expert who was older than me. I'd take everything they said at face value because they were older and more experienced, they knew better, right, and I didn't wanna be a little bitch. I was also unable to distinguish between honest but polite constructive criticism and destructive criticism. One time an artist told me that my pencil portraits aren't real art because they're copied from photos, that there is no creative process in them and being able to create them is a basic skill and nothing special. Then they told me what I should actually do to be a real artist, which I just couldn't do at that age. I didn't have the means. I was young and impressionable, and I probably would have believed that my drawings are worth nothing if that had been the only feedback I'd received. Luckily there were other artists who opposed this person, and so it became very clear that their opinion was just that - an opinion, and not one many people shared.
Then there was a guy on a German writing forum who was convinced that German novels should always take place in the German speaking world and nothing else will sell (which is just not true), and told a teenage author to change their story's setting (their first story at that) because otherwise they'll never be able to publish. This writer didn't know much about writing or publishing so without other people chiming in there's a possibility that they could have believed him. I don't know that for sure but I know I would have at that age and I know other people who said they would have believed it.
Those aren't the only two instances of biased feedback and advice I've received or witnessed, it happens a lot and I'm sure I have given biased feedback. It's always a little biased, especially when it's unsolicited and the person being criticised never said what they were going for, and you simply can't know how someone else will take the feedback. Even if you would be level-headed about it and able to spot biases, that doesn't mean everyone is, especially when it comes to younger artists with less experience. It's important to keep in mind that there's always the possibility of someone just taking in everything you said without questioning it and it actually being bad advice for this person in particular. So yeah, I think public feedback is a good way of preventing that because you get more than one opinion, and if someone's feedback is unusually biased, other people can respond to it and point that out. The critique can be critiqued as well.

@indagold I hope it's okay if I respond to you (if not I'm sorry and feel free to ignore it, you don't owe me a reply) but you seem very frustrated and I don't really see the connection between you wanting critique and people not liking unsolicited critique. Why do you think you wouldn't have improved as much if you'd asked for critique? Shouldn't the opposite be the case because then you'd receive more critique to learn from?
This is about unsolicited critique only because that can be directed at someone who doesn't want it and/or can't currently process it, and there are many reasons why someone might not want criticism (usually temporarily) that has nothing to do with just not wanting to acknowledge that their work isn't perfect. I think most people are aware of that tbh.
If you want criticism, it's easy to ask for it and say that you don't care much for praise. You can also add that any criticism, anything that stands out to people, is welcome. If people then still give you just praise, that's a dick move, just like unsolicited criticism. Not every positive message has a positive effect, especially when the person receiving it specifically said they don't want it (I've been on the receiving end of positive messages that did more harm than good that I specifically said I don't want) so yeah, I get why that would be frustrating. It's someone else imposing their opinion on what your mental state should be on you and even if they mean well, they fail to acknowledge your individual experience and needs in that regard and that you are not the same as them. So yeah, if you ask for criticism and all you get is compliments I get why that would be frustrating.
But your experience isn't the only experience either. Just because you can't think of any other reasons why someone might not want critique or those reasons don't apply to you that doesn't mean everyone else is or should be or think like you. Just because you're grateful for critique that doesn't mean everyone should be. Just like other people shouldn't generalise and make assumptions about what you really want or should feel like you also shouldn't do that to other people.
Also, "people want you to improve" doesn't really matter unless those people are paying you. What matters is if the artist wants to improve. Not everyone's goal is to improve. That's okay.
By the way, reviews are meant for potential consumers, not the creator. If you review a book, it's not primarily feedback for the author and it's usually not directed at the author but at potential future readers. Usually it's posted on websites for readers, not writers (though some writers will obviously be on those sites and look at their own reviews as well). The author can read it, learn from it or ignore it completely. Unlike a comment on social media or a DM, they have to seek it out to read it, so it's entirely their own personal choice. That's why there's a difference between critical reviews of media you pay for and unsolicited criticism on someone's art or fanfic that they post for free, that's meant for the creator. A critical review of Gabbie Hannah's poetry book is not the same as posting a lengthy critical comment on some online writer's free to read poetry, especially when you know nothing about that writer. For all you know they could be a 14-year-old kid completely uninterested in becoming a professional writer who's just using poetry to cope with their abusive home life. You don't know so it's best not to make assumptions.
Again, this entire thread is just about unsolicited critique and online etiquette when it comes to feedback. All of this "should I say something or not" and careful praise can by bypassed by communicating what you want to hear. "I know my art isn't perfect but I currently can't process a lot of feedback so please don't leave me lengthy critiques, it would be a waste of your time and overwhelming to me" or "I know my art isn't just atrocious but I'm only interested in what I can improve so please don't go out of your way to compliment me, it would be a waste of your time and frustrating to me", or anything in between. There's another conversation to be had about toxic positivity and people imposing their positivity on others, which I don't think is okay either, so you touch on an important point there, that just hasn't been addressed in this thread yet.

[JustLiz-o]

I'm working in the publishing industry which means giving and receiving critiques on a daily basis. Still, when I'm posting and reading on sites like Tapas, I'm holding back.
The number one reason for that is the age of most people here. Children, teenagers and young adults even just didn't grow a thick enough skin yet to receive criticism and use it to hone their skills.

I'm speaking from experience here, btw. I'm one of those people who got angry when someone criticised my writing. I didn't listen to ANYTHING someone told me and ended up wasting a lot of time.
Once I began accepting other people's advice, I began to grow exponentially. Enough to even sustain myself with my writing.
Not every critique is gonna be helpful, of course, but it's always worth to take a step back and look at your work from another's perspective.

(sorry, for any mistakes btw. English isn't my first language )

[indagold]

My comment was about unsolicited critique, I don't know why you read it as not that. I said that if I receive more critiques, I would have a balanced discussion when it came to my art and other people's art. I found people randomly critiquing my art without asking for it improves it for leaps and bounds (as opposed to waiting to ask for it) when it does happen. The fact you think reviews only apply to customers or professionals really shows how black and white you view it. People review independent artists for 0 expectations, its the same thing as a critique. All this reads is people are insecure about their art and themselves. It's not rude or mean to critique someone's work.

"people want you to improve" doesn't really matter unless those people are paying you. What matters is if the artist wants to improve. Not everyone's goal is to improve. That's okay.

then don't post your art online then if you don't want people criticizing you lmfao. This discussion just validates my view people are too afraid to admit their work isn't perfect.

Also I worked in the art industry for nearly half a decade, so this stuff just makes me shake my head. it's not the type of mentality you want when being an artist.

[liaroger]

I feel like you didn't really understand what I was trying to say and I don't really get all of your points either... why is unsolicited critique so much better? Literally the only difference is whether you said, at some point, that you want and welcome criticism. That's it. Your comment implies that unsolicited critique (aka critique you didn't ask for) is somehow better than critique you did ask for and I don't get why. How is it any different in quality or in how helpful it is? I also don't get what you mean by "waiting to ask for it" - why would you wait? If anything, unsolicited criticism is something you have to wait for longer.

The primary function of reviews is to help people decide if they want to spend their time and money on something or not. They can serve more than one purpose but that's their main purpose. If it's directed at the creator, it's feedback/a critique. And yeah, a lot of posts can be and are both a review and a critique (not all though) and a lot of creators (myself included) are appreciative of critiques and ask for them or accept when they're offered. A lot of creators will also seek out reviews and treat them as if the reviewer had given them feedback directly (but again, that's a choice). But that doen't change the fact that reviews are primarily for consumers.

And yeah, some people are a little insecure. Do you want everyone who's a little more vulnerable than you or who has different goals to just get off the internet? That's pretty rude and inconiderate if you ask me.
Besides, ofentimes "tough love" and the harsh approach doesn't help either. People who think anyone who's sensitive and insecure should "toughen up" or "leave the internet" make it harder for those people to get over their insecurities or contribute to them. And yeah, it's not their responsibility to help them, but that's not a reason to be an asshole.

You worked in a professional environment where having your mentality is absolutely appropriate. But here's the thing. Not everyone wants to be a professional artist and the internet isn't just for professionals. You're not the only valid and valuable type of person. I agree that if you have any professional ambition it's best to grow a thick skin and learn to appreciate and learn from criticism. I don't think anyone would disagree with that (though if you're a professional you probably also expect criticism and mentally prepare for it, as opposed to some random kid who just wants to do art for fun and share it with others). But saying that everyone who doesn't think like you or doesn't have the same goals as you should just not post is pretty self-centred and arrogant. Not everyone is like you. Minimal basic communication would be enough for you to get helpful feedback and those who don't want it to be left alone. All I'm saying is it would be great if we were all a bit more considerate and aware of the fact that not everyone is the same as us. Maybe you should consider that the internet isn't just for you and people like you too, and maybe you should examine why you seem to consider yourself so superior and have so much contempt instead of compassion for people who are more insecure than you. And that'y my piece of unsolicited criticism.

[vothnthorvaldson]

I think one reason unsolicited critique may be better for some people, including me, is that it is more diverse and potentially from more various people, and given for more various reasons.

I personally found it extremely difficult to get solicited critique even by asking loudly, showing examples of what does not upset me even if it was quite harsh etc. At the end, most people who do it are friends, or more professional people, who feel comfortable enough to give a full critique, including the harsh things, because they are used to do it and have confidence in the help it can give.

And whilst the later ones can be very helpful, they are generally very similar to each other because they are for part meant to tell you what to do to improve the commercial potential of the work, often taking in account trends or at minima, going for the idea that the readership has to be the largest possible.

But that may not always be what the person is asking for. If you are in something more experimental, for example, this part is not helpful at all (other parts of professional critique will be helpful, of course). If it is super experimental, the critique will get what you're going for and adapt.

But for me, who don't draw experimental nor have an interest in trends or mainstream commercial ambition, I get much more insight by receiving random unsolicited critique that gives me an idea of how my work is received, who could be my readership, and also gives me a lot of new ideas and perspectives. For eg, one of the most useful critique I got was someone challenging me on the ratio fantasy/real life history in an earlier version of my comic. They were not an artist, but they saw something I completely missed and it helped me adjusting the realism/fantasy balance for a result that I find much better than the first version.

I think what I like is that there is a lot of 'thinking outside the box' in these very spontaneous pieces of feedback. Yes, 90% or more is useless, a percentage is insulting, but the few remaining percents can give a kind of novel, unexpected perspective that will be much rarer in the more regulated, policed solicited critique.

[liaroger]

That's a fair point, though I don't think that's really down to the critique being unsolicited.
If you're posting your work online and add "feedback appreciated" or "reader impressions appreciated" to the caption (you don't have to specify what exactly you want critiqued), you'll just get more critiques overall, so it might seem like most are the same if there's an overall trend. But it won't prevent the people who have something else to say from doing so. It won't stop spontaneous feedback. If anything, more people who come across your work and have a random out of the box idea will feel comfortable to share it with you because they know you welcome that. I really don't think adding that bit of information (which I consider a form of asking for critique) will deter anyone or stop those spontaneous insightful comments at all.

Another option would be to say what you were going for ofc (like that you're not interested in following trends) because then people can give you specific feedback on whether you achieved that. Like one time I sent my friend a pic of a character who was hunched over and had really tense shoulders even when he was smiling because he has a lot of stress and anxiety, and she criticised the shoulders for looking too tense. Clearly I hadn't succeeded in conveying his stress and tension enough, but "change his shoulders" didn't really help because I wanted them to be tense. The issue was the face btw, I didn't really draw a stressed/anxious/forced smile, just a regular smile and so it wasn't clear what emotion I was trying to convey. Without me specifying what I was going for my friend just assumed though and gave an unhelpful critique. So being a bit more clear about what it is that you're going for can also help you receive more helpful critiques. Otherwise people will inevitably make assumptions.

But yeah, the point you raise about it being difficult to get harsh criticism is definitely valid. Just like it would suck for more sensitive people if harsh criticism was the norm and inescapable, it sucks for people who want that kind of criticism if the norm is to simply not give it. That's why I think communicating and actually listening to others is so important ... it's just not the best move to value norms or what you think someone should want or need over what they said they want or need. And if someone is unable to give feedback in a way that doesn't hurt or frustrate the creator it's best not to give it at all (no one is obligated to do that ... but like, if someone struggles to give direct feedback because they're too afraid to offend you and always has to ramble on about things the like and how it's not so bad than they're just not the right person to give you feedback and there's nothing wrong with simply moving on - just like someone who is incredibly direct and harsh can just move onif they spot a sensitive creator).
So yeah, my point is I get that and I agree with you on that, it sucks.