Hey! I tried reading All I Dance Is Death
First off, maybe consider shortening your blurb/Description a bit!
As a new reader, we mostly just want to get the gist of what the story is about, and not what feels like an entire chapter.
-Also, I'm one of those people that doesn't neccessarily read the description at all, so if there is a lot of information in it I might need for the first few chapters, the writing and storytelling IN the story isn't doing it's job. (I'm writing this before having read a chapter yet)
So, the chapters.
The first think I noticed was a bit of a disconnect between the tone I think you're going for, and your writing.
It feels like you want the reader so feel a sense of urgency, but your writing feels too dragged out to accomplish this, which most of all left me a bit confused.
Another thin I noticed... Did you think about writing this in third person instead? I'm not saying you should change it, but from what I can see, the story feels much better suited for that, with info dumps and such, and I think it would be able to give your story so much more potential from where I can see it's going.
Other than that, I think it's an interesting set-up, and that your writing is fine, with a few grammar errors here and there (But who doesn't make those... xD) most noticeable was the "Its" instead of "It's" at the very start of the first chapter
Hope you could use it for something 
Here is mine:
Amy is reincarnated to a novel, where she wants to try and save the gay prince
