Read for Read! Novels Edition(open)

Wocalich 2020-08-25 23:17:17 UTC #27

@CommanderMarty
1.You use irregular tense.
2. There should be a reaction from the thieves before they charge at Jervis.
3. wails of agony, not walls of agony
Good parts...I like the swagger Jervis has. Also, the descriptions are pretty good as well.

CommanderMarty 2020-08-25 23:22:26 UTC #28

I corrected two of these mistakes.

The first and third one. (The irregular tense is mostly used to make the pacing quicker, I do think this gets better as the series continues)

Wocalich 2020-08-25 23:24:41 UTC #29

I think irregular tense confuses the reader and takes them out of the experience, but it's your choice.

CommanderMarty 2020-08-25 23:31:27 UTC #30

Honestly I was hoping you would read atleast the first two chapters, but I can't and won't make you because that would be wrong. (Thank you for the feedback)

WillowTree 2020-08-25 23:33:11 UTC #31

Sure! I'll go check yours out now!

Edit - I read through the chant and the first chapter. While the story sounds interesting, I tend to struggle getting into 1st person novels. I don't want to subscribe and be a dead sub for you, so I added it to my bookmarks to check out again once I catch up on a couple novels that I'm currently reading.

apexdraws 2020-08-25 23:43:46 UTC #32

I've already read the first 3 episodes of yours and have been meaning to read more! It really captured my interest, and I'm a big fan of stories with mythology influence.

My novel is also influenced (partially) by mythology

Wocalich 2020-08-26 00:00:50 UTC #33

You don't have to force yourself, I understand. I'll check out yours now. Would you like to hear my commentary as well?
Edit: I'll definitely keep reading this one! You have a new subscriber.

Wocalich 2020-08-26 00:08:37 UTC #34

Thank you, I'm glad you liked my story! I'll take a look at yours now.

WillowTree 2020-08-26 00:22:52 UTC #35

It's not forcing! It just takes me a bit more concentration for 1st person! The story itself sounds interesting so I definitely want to keep reading it once I have a little more time and get caught up on the other couple novels!

And thank you I'm happy you enjoyed it!!

Wocalich 2020-08-26 00:38:02 UTC #36

Got it. Glad to hear you found it interesting.

sxxaint 2020-08-26 00:38:07 UTC #37

I'm actually gonna be cheeky and drop mine on here being as I already read all of yours and really enjoyed it. Only asking for the first chapter ofc, I just always like new opinions on my stuff

if you already checked it out and it wasn't your thing, totally disregard this

Wocalich 2020-08-26 00:39:04 UTC #38

Still out of likes...
Ahaha, sure, I'll check it out.

sii 2020-08-26 00:46:24 UTC #39

I'd like to participate if you're still looking at some novels. Your synopsis caught my interest so I'll be giving it a read.

My novel is a Dark/Urban Fantasy, it's a little different from most of what gets posted on here.

Wocalich 2020-08-26 00:56:18 UTC #40

I like the first sentence. It's simple but sets the mood right away.
"Tongue pinched between his teeth"...I like this imagery for some reason.
I like how subtle the introduction of his sexuality is.
Okay, I read the warnings. I think it might be triggering for me to keep reading but I like your writing.

Wocalich 2020-08-26 00:59:21 UTC #41

Yes, I'm still looking at novels avoids looking at the clock as she whistles
I'll check yours out right now

sxxaint 2020-08-26 01:02:13 UTC #42

absolutely fine! i hope the first was okay! just like getting eyes on that first chapter 'cause im still tryna fix it up a little haha

Wocalich 2020-08-26 01:03:04 UTC #43

Yes, I liked reading it, don't worry

Wocalich 2020-08-26 01:15:06 UTC #44

I read the first chapter. It was a bit confusing, especially in the beginning. I had to read the blurb to understand the plot. I would suggest editing it one more time.

sii 2020-08-26 07:30:14 UTC #45

Thanks, yeah I'm still tinkering with the blurb. Haven't settled on a concrete one yet.

Zorianna 2020-08-26 16:33:02 UTC #46

My novel is a fantasy adventure story, and its still just getting started, but there's plenty more to come still.
Solvi has been living a peaceful life in her village, but not everyone in this world believes in peace. One night, her home is raided by vikings and they steal a prized possession, destroying everything she's known. She decides that it's now her duty to avenge her home and return what was lost.

Ill go check out your story now