Hi
Here is some quick advice you may find useful.
Looking at the 1st few pages, my opinion is that; you need someone to do a ‘comprehensive edit’ – meaning the editor goes through line by line and takes out all the clunky phrases and repetition.
This link is a good explanation of different types of editing : https://nybookeditors.com/2016/05/whats-the-difference-between-copyediting-and-proofreading/
Here is an example of the comprehensive edit I think you need:
your novel’s description on tapas currently reads:
“ Two childhood friend. One is a crown prince to the Empire, the other is the illegitimate son of a noble family. Grew up together for ten years before cruelly being separated. After the cruel event, the crown prince became the Emperor that is revered while the illegitimate son is assumed dead by the public.
Two years passed, the assumed dead illegitimate son returned to the capital, except he had no memories of his life priors to two years ago. Fate decided to let the two meet again under a weird circumstances. Memories then slowly returning. Even feelings are slowly cultivated.”
Here is an example of how it can be altered to flow better:
“Two friends torn apart. One became emperor, the other a thief.
Adrift in the capital with no memory, the thief can only survive by finding a former friend.”
your description is currently, ‘you describing a situation’. It reads a bit like a police report. What a good copy specialist will do is make it flow – by removing anything unnecessary and rephrasing some things. The goal is to make a piece of writing that the reader will have finished before they realize they’re engaged in the activity of reading.
I hope this helps
If you have more questions I’m happy to chat
