Requesting feedback!

[keii4ii]

Hey guys! I want to assess how my comic is doing as a story. Instead of asking for a general critique† (which is what I've been doing), I'm trying something different this time.

I would really really appreciate it if you would check out my comic and answer the following questions:

• What was the first scene that made you go, "oh this is getting interesting" ? What was interesting about it?

• Did you lose your interest at any point in the comic? Or come close to it? Which point(s) and why?

• OPTIONAL: What would you say is the main conflict of the story? Where is it shown in the comic?

It's okay if your answers get a bit subjective: e.g. if you lost interest because you're into action comics, and there's not enough action in my comic (since it's not an action comic...), I'd like to know anyway.

†Though if anyone is itching to give me a critique, feel free XD

[lunaartemisasama]

Hey I read your webomic is amazing

• What was the first scene that made you go, "oh this is getting interesting" ? What was interesting about it?
  Mmmm probably when the Ethan arrives through the Gate. Because at the beginning I wasn't so sure about what kind of story was.

• Did you lose your interest at any point in the comic? Or come close to it? Which point(s) and why?
  Not really, maybe a little at the beginning because I thought it was more teenage drama lol. But since they are in the other world the story seems pretty interesting, at least for me.

• OPTIONAL: What would you say is the main conflict of the story? Where is it shown in the comic?
  Two mains conflicts actually.

The first one is about all this Heart of Keyol thing, and all these thing about races, that it is shown when the master talks about it.

And probably the second one about how the protagonist level up? you know, learn life lessons that helps him to understad his past and be in peace with himself? Something like that. Because we see how his past still haunts him.

[niinasalmelin]

What was the first scene that made you go, "oh this is getting interesting" ? What was interesting about it?
-Definitely your art in the beginning. The strained relationship between MC and his mother was also interesting for me. It's obvious that his father's health has driven them apart, but I wondered if there's more to it, since in that first family shot they were so close. What turned him against her, didn't she have the power to be a mother to him anymore.

Did you lose your interest at any point in the comic? Or come close to it? Which point(s) and why?
-I'm afraid that I did. The characters or their relationships/chemistry didn't grow on me so I found it hard to keep interested them. Perhaps around chapter 3 or 4.

OPTIONAL: What would you say is the main conflict of the story? Where is it shown in the comic?
-I'd say the conflict is MC's refusal to let go of his father and starting to live his own life. Taking responsibility. Something along those lines. He's underachiever (his job) and the hardships in this other world will make him grow to be a better person, perhaps someone like his father.

I might add that I'm not that big fan of high fantasy, so I'm not your target audience.

[J.Z.Castillo]

• I really didn't have scene that had me like WOW! at the beginning, your art did that for you. I really like your art!! But the scene that I was like "WOAH yes! I need to read more" was the fight between Master and the Elyeo woman.

• I didn't lose interest, I think your pacing is pretty neat. You build up on top of every chapter pretty nicely and it doesn't feel like you're leaving anything out. I have to say, the whole Elyeo, Rencho, Elyeo baby, Suyori business gets a bit confusing in the beginning.

• I think the main conflict is there's a conspiracy to make the Elyeo race the superior race (??) and that Ethan is the Queen's future husband but the Queen is actually evil and Ethan is going to save Keol and then return home where he wakes up from a dream and receives news his dad has passed away but it's okay because he already got closure from his time in Keol where he met his dad and yeah. LOL, I think that'd be dope.

Also I had your comic in the back burner for a while because I didn't have time to read and get caught up with everything, but I did and now I can't wait for more!

[nerosmoke]

Cool comic way better then like 90% of what is on this site.

[keii4ii]

Wow! Only a few replies and this has already been super helpful. Thank you so much, everyone!

@lunaartemisasama XD It is very drama-centric, but it's the other aspects (exploration, etc) that move the drama forward. So even when a scene focuses on drama, it'll probably feel different from "typical teen drama" stuff.

@niinasalmelin I think you nailed it. While the story is really about the MC's emotional baggage, that develops s l o w l y while the fantastic conspiracy stuff seems to move at a faster pace. Those two things are inseparable, like different body parts of a single animal, and I don't think that's inherently bad... But I have to accept that it narrows my core target demographic into an overlap between two distinct groups.

@mrjonzap Thanks! Hopefully as the story develops more, the art will work with it instead of just taking all the glory. (And you might be waiting for longer than usual for the next update because my computer is dead. OTL)

@nerosmoke Ehhh, I feel uncomfortable getting compared, but I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[shazzbaa]

Sorry if any of this is a repeat, I felt like it'd be more helpful to answer before reading the other answers. x3

1) What was the first scene that made you go, "oh this is getting interesting" ? What was interesting about it?

Probably the first appearance of Lushaka -- (a) I'm shallow and Lushaka has tiger feets, so I wanted to know what he was, but also (b) it's probably the first point where it feels like "something's up" to me. It's not like "ah, this is the main conflict," but more like "ah, now we're getting to see what's really going on here!"
I feel similarly about the Elyeo info that comes with the inductor a couple of scenes later! It's a conflict I understand on some level, one that I have enough pieces to follow and get invested in!

2) Did you lose your interest at any point in the comic? Or come close to it? Which point(s) and why?

Hmmmmm..... Red-hoodied child is flirting a dangerous line for me personally. I'm curious what his deal is but I sort of find Mischievous Knowledgeable Child an insufferable character type, so right now whenever he shows up I'm not thinking "gasp! it's that kid again! how mysterious!" I'm thinking "what, you again! go away! leave ethan alone"

but overall I don't think there are places I lost interest -- it's more like, I had to stick with it at first. Ethan getting pulled into Keol kinda starts a gradual exploration of this new world, and I feel like that's the point where I'm kinda waiting to see where this is going. Once I got there, I never lost interest.

OPTIONAL: What would you say is the main conflict of the story? Where is it shown in the comic?

I would say we haven't been given enough information to know the MAIN conflict yet -- I feel like I would be guessing! Danbi wanting badly to find out about his mother is a major one. Whatever is going on re: the inductors and why they're really doing what they're doing with the elyeo seems to tie in and be very important to the story. Ethan's desire to go home/figuring out if he even wants to go home seems important, but not in the same way -- this story feels like a way for him to deal with / come to terms with his feelings about his own family, something that the story is deeply "about" in a way, rather than being the central conflict.

[keii4ii]

I'm shallow and Lushaka has tiger feets

DON'T WORRY YOU'RE AMONG LIKE-MINDED COMPANY 8DDD

Thank you so much for the insightful response! You've made a lot of observations that are totally dead on. It's a relief to see that the story so far doesn't look like an undecipherable pile of nonsense :'D At the same time, slightly worried because the current mini-arc is a bit of a detour from the bigger plot with the government/ Danbi's mom/ etc... Hopefully it'll work out since instead of losing focus, it shifts it back to Ethan's issues. (Or so it's supposed to...)

[carloswebcomic]

Okay, this is not the feedback you asked for, but I'm at work right now and I clicked on your link and... I CAN'T STOP READING!
But I have to because I'll get into trouble otherwise.
But really, the second he started speaking Korean I got hooked.
The pacing is great, the flow is very good and... I can't wait to get home to binge read.

[J.Z.Castillo]

(post withdrawn by author, will be automatically deleted in 24 hours unless flagged)

[mac]

Tbh i really liked that whole grove, tree thing in the beginning, it was interesting !!! i wanna get thru the whole comic, thatll take me some time so ill come back and edit this later (also is that purple mask guy in THIS comic or a DIFFERENT comic??

[keii4ii]

@carloswebcomic Thank you, though now I'm nervous because what if you don't find the rest of the comic as interesting 8D Here's to hoping...

@Zephyll I'm glad you like the grove thing! It wasn't in there in the first version, and I was planning to make it a side story... But the more I thought about it, the more it belonged in the main comic. You'll see it come back from time to time, though it might take a while between its appearances.

Purple mask guy? What purple mask guy?

[mac]

actually i think i might be thinking of a different comic??? awkward 👀 your art style mustve reminded me of it oops