All the servers I'm on that fit that description are invite-only, locked behind a Patreon paywall or completely closed off. It's so hard to moderate servers that are open to everyone that a lot of people don't bother.
I'd recommend just posting on the forums and official Tapas discord, being chill and making good contributions to conversations (ie. not just using them to promote yourself etc.). Make friends with people you vibe with. You'll probably get invited to servers. With some people who are new and don't really talk much in threads that aren't just promoting themselves, it's hard to know if they'll be "safe" to invite, or if they'll stick around and regularly contribute. Sadly you get people who join these places just to stir up trouble or who never chat, just keep linking their own stuff, so demonstrating you're decent is pretty key.