T/F: 'Characters should never say exactly what they mean'

[DokiDokiTsuna]

Another good old True/False topic~. And today's quote comes from a writing advice video I skimmed a few weeks ago, about crafting better dialogue.

I think the point they were trying to make was against the rise of 'therapy speak' in novels...which IS incredibly annoying and immersion-breaking, I must admit. ^^; Someone who's trying to apologize probably isn't going to say "I lashed out at you because I felt inferior to you, and I wanted to bring you down to the level of pain that I felt..."
They're probably just gonna say "I was just stressed out and I said some stuff that was outta line; I'm sorry."

And my 'bad' example ^there wasn't even therapy speak, per se. I think that is something a person could say in a casual conversation...but they wouldn't lead with it. A statement like that might come out a piece at a time, deep into a conversation, after they've had some time to express the more immediate ideas around that concept and consolidate their thoughts.

But, before I go any further into what I think, let's take a vote:

• True
• False

Show results

Oddly enough, my answer is gonna be False. ^^

I'm sure a lot of other people are going to agree, because they were already agreeing in the comments under the video...but my reasons for my viewpoint are a bit different, I think.

So one argument I saw a lot was how this applies to characters (or writers, even) with autism. In general, people who just aren't as tuned in to the usual social graces and conventions that make it 'unacceptable' to say exactly what you mean in certain situations.

Some people got a little...heated about this (I understand how difficult it is to grow up neurodivergent...but at the same time, I don't think it's appropriate to imply that neurotypical people are all shady deceptive demons who want to torture you with mind games. You're not helping anyone with that kinda talk) but I get the point they were trying to make. Having characters dance around every single thought they try to express is equally annoying and immersion-breaking as having them be overly straightforward. If you've ever read a particularly poorly-written romance, you already know this. ^^;

However, my argument lies somewhere in the middle: I think it's not that your characters should never say exactly what they mean, it's that they should never say anything they're uncomfortable with, unless someone makes a proportional effort to bring it out of them.

Sometimes, 'exactly what they mean' fits into that realm: for instance, with characters who are secretive, and afraid of letting people learn too much about their true thoughts and feelings.

And then with characters who are very straightforward people and often say exactly what they mean, this can be a wide variety of other things: Issues in their world that they're unwilling to examine or don't understand; conflict within other people that they don't fully understand. Problems that they want to solve alone, that they don't want others involved in, despite how much they care about them. Or perhaps, because of how much they care about them~.
Even a straighforward person might say "this is none of your business; stay out of it" rather than "it would be really painful and traumatic for me to discuss this with you; I just can't handle that stress right now"...if they're simply uncomfortable enough. ^^

Discomfort is the psyche's first line of defense for protecting itself; I feel it transcends social barriers. At its most intense, it will put up walls for you whether you want them or not-- that's why I rely on it as the 'line in the sand' for crafting believable dialogue, and to my knowledge it hasn't failed me yet.

[KevinReijnders]

I think this is good general writing advice for beginners.
In general you don't want characters to bluntly state their expository thinking. You want to hide it under a layer of subtext so it's a more interesting read. People also rarely state their true intention aloud either, so it makes the dialogue feel more natural.

Off course when you get more skilled as a writer, then the rules are meant to be broken. You can then have a dramatic scene where the characters are so widdled down by the events leading up to scene that they can believably drop all pretense and actually say the quiet part out loud.

You can get away with anything, if you're skilled enough to pull it off.

[AmysGames]

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[Vassia]

I gotta agree with false simply because each character is going to have their own voice. I have characters who actually do speak like that because they are extremely self reflective that I have others who lean towards that other extreme of not being able to apologize and will just yell shut up then I have plenty of others who are somewhere in between. No one character will speak the same way.

That being said dialogue is tough for beginners especially, I remember when I just started writing I noticed my characters all had the same voice and I had to do a serious revamp on all my dialogue. So don't disregard advice, but know any and all advice you recieve is just that advice. It's your choice to use it or not and your job as a writer to know when to use it or not.

[AmysGames]

Excuse me while I post in the right thread...

Anyway, I would say it very much depends on context. I think it's fair to say that characters aren't always going to be able to articulate themselves properly, especially in very emotional situations. It also depends on the character, obviously.

(I understand how difficult it is to grow up neurodivergent...but at the same time, I don't think it's appropriate to imply that neurotypical people are all shady deceptive demons who want to torture you with mind games. You're not helping anyone with that kinda talk)

Agree with this particularly, and have never really understood what people mean when they say this. I guess maybe like, NT people might assume that something is obvious from context/subtext, when it isn't to everyone? But even that's a reach on me trying to decipher what that means, lol.

[bulgariansumo]

Yeah, I agree. That advice isn't good all of the time. Some characters are going to be more indirect / less in tune with how they feel, while others are going to be the opposite. It depends on the character and the situation. The writer has to know how each character would express themself.

The blanket advice of "characters should never say what they mean" might create a different but equally annoying problem as "therapy speak."

[vfaqvrf]

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[megumibex]

I think maybe a better "rule" would be:

Character should never say exactly what they mean, unless it is in character and/or it adds to the conflict.

I think the issue with your example, is the apology is so clear, and so well expressed that (of course, depending on how bad the original infraction was) it's hard to believe the speaker won't be forgiven. And in a story, if the protagonist is just eloquent enough to solve their problems easily with words, it begs the question why aren't all their problems solved that way?

If saying exactly what they mean harms their relationships, that can be a great source of drama. If it's used to solve the story's plot points it can feel like a letdown.

[Leyelle]

However, my argument lies somewhere in the middle: I think it's not that your characters should never say exactly what they mean, it's that they should never say anything they're uncomfortable with, unless someone makes a proportional effort to bring it out of them.

I would agree with this. Though the someone that brings it out of them is sometimes themselves.

Example:

Some of my characters rarely say what they mean, (like Mora Glas from my novel "Crystal Blue" and Kattar Moon from "Damsel in the Red Dress.")

On Mora's part it's because she is constantly lying to everyone. It is her constant fear for her safety (as you said, discomfort) that leads her to lie so often, while on Kattar's part it's because he's been taught to surpress his emotions and live more logically rather than emotionally.

However because he realizes what a negative affect his hiding his emotions has been having on his girlfriend, he has begun to express what he's actually thinking, sometimes without probing, even though it makes him uncomfortable. Sometimes this is giving her a genuine compliment, and sometimes it's admitting that he's not feeling well.

So I do think characters in realistic contexts usually won't say things there are uncomfortable with, but it can be used to show a character's evolution, or development.