Reading this reminds me of my own mindset and attitude with my weight a few years ago, I pushed myself to exercise hard and also made myself puke intentionally. A friend who was very close to me also went through something similar. Both of us don't recommend pushing yourself to this point. You don't want the side effects of damaged teeth enamel or an (even worse) eating disorder, which will worsen your relationship with food and make you fear it.
Also you shouldn't be burning more than 1000 calories, your body burns and requires 1500-2000 calories just to function (depending on sex, age and metabolism). I think you are exercising enough, if you burn 200-300 calories, that should be enough for a calorie deficit.
You don't have to love yourself or your body, but I hope you can understand that pushing yourself too hard and harming your body doesn't have any benefits. Acknowledge that your body is a means to do the things you love and take care of it as it is.
I hope you will feel better soon.