Freelance artist making a living out of art. I'll try not to be harsh and provide advice.
Starting from pleasure, enjoyment or boredom to do art is not a bad start, it may be a bit dificult if your only motive is one of these things, because sometimes that means you don't have to be harsh on yourself, be strict and apply self-discipline, even more than the aids from outside (teachers, a boss, etc)
A common thing that I notice between creatives is this need to tell stuff that brings them emotion, that it has to be theirs, that they have to like it otherwise they cannot work on something, even if payment is involved. A lot are a bit way too stuck on their own ego that they rather end up doing nothing and wasting opportunities just because there isn't enough creative freedom for them.
Personally, I'm the type that says: If the client wants a pink elephant with purple dots, then the clients gets a pink elephant with purple dots.
No buts, don't care if I like the idea or not, if I'm getting paid then that's all that matters, client makes corrections, don't care if it doesn't follow my personal artistic values or knowledge, client is right if that means I finish early so I can get paid and move onto the next paid gig.
Don't get me wrong, is totally amazing to try to get your own brand out there, your own stories and all, but usually those don't pay the bills, responsability comes before one's pleasure. Because without money you can't buy the things that give you pleasure in the first place.
When you want to make a living in the industry there are times that you cannot be picky about types of work, ideas, personal interest, especially if you're not getting any stable income to begin with.Your values and believes mean nothing if you cannot even feed your stomach to think about them.
Work is no different from school, you have to do projects, investigation, tasks and many other things that you don't like, but they are your obligation, responsability, and there is an actual goal/reward compared when you do your own stuff but don't aim anything besides passionately finishing something.
Sounds to me, that you're the one that needs to reconsider or at least be a bit more flexible with your values and beliefs, if you don't think you can change, then, you won't change, and nothing around you will change nor improve your situation.
If you end up burning yourself then you'll need to reconsider the amount of energy you put in work, this is where things begin to shift compared to school.
Back then, all of us were told to aim for perfect grades, perfect scores and yadda yadda. But when it comes to work that's not necessary, doing extra work is a bit meaningless, is either being taken advantage of or simply people not realizing the extra energy you're putting into things. So of course, that means you need to moderate the energy, the focus, relax a bit and just do things until the feel right, not perfect.
Not knowing what to do and be conflicted doesn't mean you're not being an adult, just that you've cultivated an idea about things without realizing how things actually work. Which happens to everybody once they step on a new lifestage for the very first time.
I won't know what you mean by getting hurt, but just as you failed tests, homework, boardgames, etc. You stood up each time and learned, if you give up then welp, that's the end of the line and whatever you think would come next is meaningless if you don't want to try anymore, which is fine. A lot of people study something all their lives just to realize that in fact they wanted to do something different, or that their calling is not that specific thing.
Honestly... This is going to hurt but you won't always be able to put love in your work, sometimes, in order to get pay, in order to deliver something, you'll need to follow instructions and finish the work, you don't have to love nor like every piece you make. And that's the real way to be useful, because when you're working for another which would be the case most of the time if you seek this as a career, people want the product of the service you're providing, that doesn't mean that you'll only be stuck doing works for others, adults multitask and artists too, so you can have both works you love and works that require you to be professional.
I wonder if you apply this mindset to everything you do... not trying something out of fear to do it badly. From success you may learn, from theory you may have an idea of what may happen, but only by trial and error you get the real answers to later use as resource to enhance the next time you try.
And about the human value, that is an overexaggeration. If it is man-crafted then it already has human value, don't let your personal views of what an artist should be get in the way, because that means you also consider other people's work of less human value based on your personal preferences, morals and such.
I don't understand the fear of social media either, I have never related to that fear. Those are individuals who only give visibility to your content, without attention you can't expect others to care about your work and pay for it. Sounds to me that is not like you're unable, you simply don't want to. There is people who are themselves and there are others who build up personas, not everyone has an incredible active and parasocial community, some people have healthy or distant followers, the only thing they do is like and share and sometimes leave a comment.
It is weird, feels like you have self-steem issues but also assume that you're somehow going to blow up in popularity at the point of everything being out of your control, which in the mayority of cases is not what happens. You're filling your head with scenarios and stressing over them, instead of focusing on the now and improvise something creative to solve your current problems.
I don't know how it's the mindset wherever you live, but where I am from is all about making sure to make a living to live. Many don't straight up send themselves into creative careers because not for a reason they are known for not being successully immediate. Many had plan A, B and C planned. Be it already having a part-time job while studying, studying a career that guarantees more chances of being hired and so on.
Right now your focus should be getting a new job, continue to apply or study a fast career that gets you a job the second you get the title (Like hairdressing, cleaning services, babysitting, elder assistance, gardening, etc).
If you're desperate for money then you'll need to figure out a way to set a price and do commissions because otherwise you'll end up without cake and without bread.
This guide I made about pricing commissions may give you an idea.
