Your feelings are absolutely valid and yes, life definitely sucks in some way or another tbh, but I don't believe that your harsh times are gonna last forever. Do I think you should see an expert about this? Maybe, but that's your decision you'll have to make if or when you're able and determined to go through with it.
Quite frankly, if everything's useless, take a break from it all. Take a vacation if you can (not a trip somewhere, we're still in the corona ages), lose yourself in some other mindless activity. The burden of always creating something was wearing down on you anyways, why not do something just bc you can do it and idk it looked mildly interesting? Hell, what's stopping you, the futility of life? Take it a step further in that belief, isn't that futility itself kinda stupid to begin with?? Shut that shit outta yo mind, who gives a damn, learn to crochet, go rival against your local grandmas, they're your temporary competition now bc lord knows they ain't got much time left, I-
Dude, you got this. You got friends and family, whether you feel like invalidating them or not. You got a body and you got time, whether you feel like you're tired beyond the point of recovery or just being lazy. Or just skip over this, I know what it's it like, I can hear it in your mind "damn everybody really thinks they're a motovational speaker all of sudden, they're just doing this to make themselves feel better instead of pitying me" and that might be true, but like you're the one who said that you needed something so hey, here you go, I happened to care enough to leave a comment for a total stranger I recognize sometimes on the internet, free of charge.
What you do with your life is none of my business, but you make a good point. Made me write three paragraphs tryna say something, damn, here's a meme you deserve it