What makes a romance genuine in a comic?

[keii4ii]

Well you said physical attraction is a part of a definition of romance, and then you say asexual people can be involved in a romantic relationship. That's a contradiction to me. Isn't physical and sexual the same thing??

Oh! That was something I quoted from someone ELSE's post. XD

I could expand on the whole aromantic thing (it's not JUST that I feel no need to be in a romantic relationship; I could be in a committed relationship with someone who loves me romantically, but it would be different from how a non-aromantic person reciprocates), but that'd be in the off topic territory...

[Iron]

No worries, I know it can be complex : )

[oliviasstephen]

No one has to have sex in order to be in romantic love with someone. Physical attraction is not the same as sexual attraction. You can find your significant other physical appealing without desiring sex with them. So yes...it's very very possible for asexual people to be in love ROMANTICALLY. I think it's something that needs to be understood more.
Romantic =/= sexual, necessarily.

[Iron]

I'll just leave this here

physical attraction

ROMANTICALLY

Could you explain what it means to you? I mean the difference between love and romantic love

[oliviasstephen]

I'm not sure how useful it is to use dictionary definitions while someone is attempting to explain a sexual identity that is only being recognized by others fairly recently? But I guess I didn't use correct wording. Physical appeal in this case refers to more of an attraction to the aesthetic of a person.
...I feel very uncomfortable with 'debating' about whether asexual people can feel romantic love when I have very close ace friends who are in committed ROMANTIC relationships. Like, they exist. Romantic love and platonic love are closely linked but I won't say one is deeper or more serious because there can be friendships deeper than relationships and vice versa. I think in regards to personal relationships, there is no easy definition because all are formed uniquely. It's a case by case basis. You just know when it's romantic love rather than other kinds.
Andddd to keep myself comfortable I think I'm gonna bow out, with the current direction this thread is taking..

[AnnaLandin]

Could you explain what it means to you? I mean the difference between love and romantic love

I'm not @oliviasstephen, but I AM someone who is closer to the asexual side of the spectrum than anywhere else (you should come hang out; we have cake!), so here are my two cents.

Different asexual people have different ways of feeling attraction - some are comfortable with certain physical aspects, others aren't, some of them are a-romantic as well (that is, feel no interest in romantic love at all), some aren't; some are heteroromantic, some are homoromantic, or anything in between, around or beyond those two, etc., etc. - but it is DEFINITELY possible to fall in romantic love with someone without in anyway linking that to a sexual attraction.

You know that fluttery feeling of excitement over having a crush? That thing where it feels like your entire chest might be full of butterflies and sparkles and warmth, especially when you're close to the person you feel that way about? Asexuals have that too. They just don't link it to sex. Just as you can have sex with, and be sexually attracted to a person without being in love with them, it is entirely possible to be in love, romantically, with a person without wanting to have a sexual relationship with them.

But I think this thread is slowly sliding off topic; we've been discussing how to make a fictional romance work within the framework of a story. We're not here to argue about the validity of, or even the existence of, the love lives of people on various ends of the sexual identity spectrum.

[Iron]

I think in regards to personal relationships, there is no easy definition because all are formed uniquely. It's a case by case basis.

Exactly, that's why I wasn't asking for definitions, I was asking about your opinion on this.

But I think this thread is slowly sliding off topic

Yeah, but I isn't it necessary to define what 'romance' means in order to judge what makes it genuine?

Anyways, thank you for your reply, I was looking for this kind of explanation ^^
Also, I wasn't looking for a fight and argue sigh I am just interested in your opinions. Is it a sin to ask? seriously...

[oliviasstephen]

Thank you for being so much more eloquent about this than me <3

[keii4ii]

Is it a sin to ask? seriously...

You have to understand that a lot of people question these things with disrespectful intentions. When they ask us to define or explain what we are, they're not looking to learn; they're seeking to invalidate an important part of our identity and personhood. It's like the "is it a choice?" question being asked to homosexuals.

So even if you're just curious... or rather, ESPECIALLY if you're just curious, it's a good idea to be extra careful. Try to word it in a way that doesn't make the other person feel, "are they asking me to prove the validity of the way I am?"

[AnnaLandin]

Also, I wasn't looking for a fight and argue sigh I am just interested in your opinions. Is it a sin to ask? seriously...

Seconding @keii4ii here - this is a very sensitive topic to a lot of people, so you have to tread carefully and respectfully. Treat it with the same level of respect as you would any other LGBTQ(A) issue.

And we aren't fighting. We're explaining how this all works to you, and from what I can see, we're doing it in a rather polite and friendly way.

[Iron]

And we aren't fighting.

I was referring to your previous post where you said:

We're not here to argue about the validity of, or even the existence of, the love lives of people on various ends of the sexual identity spectrum.

Treat it with the same level of respect

I don't find my way of writing disrespectful though ._. I'm sorry if you found it offensive, I didn't mean it to sound this way (that's why I'm socially awkward OTL)

But I get where you guys are coming from. Sexual minorities are a target to attacks, so expecting ulterior motives is not so weird. I can assure you though I was looking only for an interesting (can't think of a better word) discussion. I could ask other people of course, but I see you guys as this more intelligent part of the Internet, that's why I was curious of your view on the matter. And I don't find it off topic either, because understanding those things is important to incorporate believable relationships and people in general in writing (which was my actual aim ).
I feel strange for having to explain myself so much as if I was a villain here...

Also, getting back to what Olivia said:

I think it's something that needs to be understood more.

It won't be understood unless we talk about it. That's what I think at least : )

Thanks for the reply Anna & Keii.

That being said, I'll go back to my river, not to go too much off topic here .

[Snakeashake]

I guess lots of character development. if two characters are together a long time they'll develop together and be stronger together

[mjmassey]

I think one thing that could make romance stories more interesting or "genuine" is if it's not the first time the characters have fallen in love. Depending on how long your story is, you can have characters go through several relationships, falling in love, breaking up, learning more about themselves as they go. Too often it's "you're my first love!" and that's not very realistic. I try to have my characters go through at least one or two relationships in my stories, to show how they change and grow.

[KariMcElroy]

I agree. Each love is sort of a stepping stone ascending toward that "ultimate love", so I like seeing what worked and what didn't in previous relationships and let that build me, as a reader, toward being totally into whatever couple I'm reading about. In my story, I use flashbacks to show where my characters have been at different points in the lives, romantically and otherwise. That's not to say it works in mine. . . I think it does, but I'm not the most objective reader of my own work, you know?

[elixiadragmire]

weirdly .... I've only had one relationship >.> ... ever

[AnnaLandin]

@elixiadragmire Some people are like that! My parents are; they fell in love when my mom was fifteen - dad was her first boyfriend - and they're still together, and they're in their fifies now.

[KariMcElroy]

Aw, that's amazing, @AnnaLandin!

(And, @elixiadragmire, I totally should have said I was generalizing in my post, not saying all people are/should be that way or whatever - hopefully it didn't come across that way.)

[mjmassey]

My parents, too, are the same! Met in high school and 40 years later are still together! It's not uncommon, but it seems to be the only focus in most media.

[MagicDolphin]

two characters having strong feelings towards them like a rocket on fire, or when someone diss your sister and you feel the heat and the need to hit him quickly, a burning sensation to short it, being it hatred, love, envy or whatever, i think what a good romance needs is
1- characters with burning sensations towards each others (either hatred,love, jealous etc)
2- dont throw everything in the table, dont make things clear as water, just help to pave the way
3- being creative and romantic is good, but dont go over the line of realistic, girls are not over lovey-dovey leeches
with red cute cheeks and over-sized tities as mans are not honey voiced or all talls, with the balls to start the talk

they are all just my opinion all right, but if i had to choose the best of em i would choose the number 2.

hope i helped

[purrlpankras]

My comic isn't romance, I must get a gold star.

I think a good romance is where it isn't rushed, I kinda like it being slow.
And also romance where it wouldn't be expected makes it more good. Maybe.