5 / 5
Feb 15

Teo Stander died a hero-but death wasn't the end.
Reborn as Ajax, the son of legendary heroes in a world ruled by magic and gods, he carries the memories of his past life and wields abilities unlike any other: Creation, Copy, and a second consciousness-Lucius, a cryptic entity tied to the God of Light. But Ajax is more than just a noble's son. Something beyond heaven and hell has marked him, pulling him into a cosmic war where even gods fear what he might become.

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    Feb 9
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    Feb 14
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So, I read the first chapter and here are my thought so far.

First, you TELL a lot more than you SHOW. On a book, you should try to have the ratio between the two leaning more on show. Unless there's a moment that demands a lot more of you explaining things, like a lore explanation, for instance.

The pacing also felt too fast. Too much happens in a single chapter in very little "time". It doesn't let the reader breath in before you jump between moments.

You do manage to create a sense of intrigue with Teo being different. Altough it didn't hook me that much, I think that with some refinements to the prose and pacing you'll do just fine.

If you could, I would appreciate if you could review my own story. I also would love some serious critiques so I can improve. Anyway, have a wonderful day and I hope you keep going with your story.

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