Writing mothers in fiction (share your samples)

[Leyelle]

So when we think about it logically, mothers are just people like anyone else. But does it kind of feel like the role of mother is idolized or almost made to seem sacred to the point where a character who dislikes their mother would be considered a bad person? The thing is, step-mothers are often made bad-ladies while real mothers are always the people who cheer you on, love you blindly, XYZ. But real mothers exist in a spectrum, again, like any other group of people. And while I've seen a few examples of characters who aren't written with super-loving, perfect, pious mothers, it definitely feels like most of them are written like this, unless they're the evil queen. I kind of did a combination of these two ideas with my character Mrs. Moon, who at first seems to be the perfect mother, but that's in contrast with Alicia's own mother who was mentally unstable and neglectful. Then the progression shows that she's something like the 'evil queen' mother if you're talking queen in the girl boss sense. The truth is that lots of people experience extreme levels of toxicity from their mothers and this manifests itself in lots of different ways, even if the mothers themselves don't realize it and think that they love their children more than anything. But by limiting the representation of family to this pretty-perfect picture, at least in the realm of mothers, we fail to address a lot of the different kinds of traumas that people suffer. Most people seem to have no qualms about writing terrible dads, but there is a unique kind of trauma when the person who is allegedly supposed to love you unconditionally very definitely has conditions for who and when she will love, and the fear of falling out of favor and losing that love, maybe forever. This is one thing I wanted to represent with Kattar's story, but it definitely feels like one of those things you're "not allowed" to say.

How do you write mothers in your stories? Do they have a lot of relevance or none? Do you make it clear how they affected the person your character became, or are continuing to influence them? Do they stick to the mom arc-type?

I once heard that 'mother is the word for God on the lips of children,' but what if your mother is an angry god?

*
“- I remember when Clara first started bragging about this girl a few years back,” says the cherry-haired woman, sifting her eggnog with the air of a connoisseur, “She always said she was going to be so famous someday...”

“I think it was more than a few years, darling,” says a young-looking woman with dark wavy hair, holding a candy cane between two fingers like a cigarette, “It was more than a decade ago.”

“Time moves in strange ways when you get to be my age, Daphne. You’ll have to excuse my memory. My childhood is starting to seem like yesterday.”

“When last year feels like five minutes ago let me know,” Daphne smirks, “I still don’t know what you did with that jacket I lent you.”

“Aish, this girl can hold grudges!” Mrs Moon laughs, brushing a crumb from Daphne’s face.

“When are you going to let Jun off the hook?”

“When last year feels like a thousand years ago,” she says flatly, sucking the end of the candy cane with a mildly irritated air, “But I suppose Clara was right - look at the girl now? Veggera Foundation…” she shakes her head almost as if it’s a tragedy “I can’t imagine. I was ten years older than her before I got that kind of recognition, and still working a day job. I guess it helps to have a famous mother, eh?”

A wave of bubbly, chatting bodies washes over the entrance to the dining room, blocking my vision. I glance at Kattar and can tell he’s listening too, with an unpleasant expression, like he’s sucked on a lemon.

I can just decern over the din Mrs. Moon’s voice saying firmly, but not unkindly, “I never helped her that much. I funded the initial endeavors, but any fame she’s acquired is by her own merit.” now I can see her running her painted nails along the rim of her mug of cocoa, with a pensive look on her pretty face, “She’s a talented little girl - and I didn’t birth that, though I envy the woman who did…”

At those words, Kattar seems to flinch - just a fraction of a movement - but I catch it. Guilty perhaps? Or jealous of the attention I’m getting, albeit indirectly. He seems to sink into his chair as his mother goes on - “Fortunately or unfortunately none of my genes created that prodigy.”

“But you hung her artwork in your office,” Daphne muses, pointing at Mrs. Moon with the candy cane, “That had to do something for her reputation.”

“I thought Victor painted the picture you had in your office?” Jun queries, her forehead lined with confusion, “The one of the mountains?”

“I took that painting down 29 years ago, darling," Mrs. Moon says calmly, with a wave of her hand. “I gave it to a friend sometime after the divorce.”

“She has some bluebirds in her office now that Kattar’s girlfriend painted when they were teenagers,” Daphne adds drily, with an almost sarcastic lilt in her voice, as she admires the candy cane, she’s managed to suck into a murderous point.

If Kattar sinks any lower, he’ll disappear completely.

“They’re not a couple, just friends,” Mrs. Moon says almost too firmly, with a glance in Kattar’s direction - before she smiles one of her tooth-paste-model smiles back at Daphne with aggressive composure, “Kattar’s never had any girlfriend. He’s career-focused, like his mother.”

Daphne raises one eyebrow as if she doesn’t believe Mrs. Moon for a second, before shrugging carelessly and sticking the candy cane into her cup of cocoa.

“It’s a shame then - and a waste of good looks. He’s a handsome little devil.”

“He looks a lot like Victor used to,” Mrs. Moon admits, with a slight sigh, “lacking a bit of the paleness - and heaven knows he dresses a lot better. Victor always looked like he’d just woken up under a bridge.”

Daphne smirks at that using the candy cane to stir her drink, “With a face like that he could have made it a style - ‘starving artist chic.’”

“Well, if he looked as much like the boy as you say then perhaps he missed his calling as a painter,” Jun offers kindly, “he should have become a model.”

There’s a twitch in Mrs. Moon’s expression, even behind her impassive civility, but it’s gone in an instant. She smiles graciously, with a delicate wave of her hand.

“If he missed his calling, dear, it was only because he slept in. You never saw the beat of that man for shiftlessness.”

Daphne raises her dark brows as if daring them to ask her, but Mrs. Moon just shakes her head pensively, raising her mug to her lips.

“It’s true enough though, what Daphne said. He was a handsome fool.”

“Well, I never met him, you remember,” says Jun, “I was in Ibiza for that hotel job the year you were married. Do you have any pictures of him and the boy side by side?”

“No,” Mrs. Moon says with dispassionate finality, “The divorce was finished a month before my little prince was born, and a good thing too. The last thing I needed was Victor rubbing off on him. It’s worry enough to know he looks so much like the devil.”

I look at Kattar’s face and immediately regret it.

Read Damsel in the Red Dress :: Magenta Flags | Tapas Novels

[YS_og]

I agree with all your points. It's just the tropes that sell the best (I guess) that cause a lot of stories to have such biases. My novel has that in mind as well, coincidentally. For one example, it's like when considering a condescending mother figure as a coldhearted you know what. It's one thing to appear condescending and controlling from the POV of one, but from another POV it could be the only way one might know how to show they care and want to be involved. I try to encapsulate that dynamic between mother - child in my story in a way that the lines are blurred as realistically/feasibly as I can.

[kyupol]

The mom in my webtoon is evil...

And so is the dad...

And not sure if I'll let this trend continue in future webtoons... maybe I won't make parents so evil... just maybe workaholic neglectful?

[NickRowler]

I personally don’t like the dead angelic mother trope in media. I guess that is somewhat similar to your “mom who does no wrong” trope.

I don’t know if my work is the best representation for moms. My mothers do sort of come off a bit neglectful. Or with Willow (from Crow’s Worth) sort of represents a parent who does not respect boundaries.

I guess in my newer series, I don’t want Mona to be villainize but more to represent the struggles of a single working mom.

[Leyelle]

You don't have to worry if your work isn't a "good" representation of a mom, my point with the topic is to sort of talk about different sort of mothers. Neglectful and one who doesn't respect boundaries are definitely two real kinds who have a very strong effect on their children, so it's worth representing.

[cherrystark]

In my main series, my main character has a baby. Parenthood is a natural part of life and felt like the logical step for her and her husband. I also added children for my MC and her twin brother because parenthood isn't normalized on American TV. One or maybe two characters might have a family but the rest are lone agents. Children only get written into the show as an occasional courtesy to the expecting actress.

In terms of storytelling, the "value" or rather the role of a mother depends on the story the female character exists in. In slice-of-life/ romantic comedies - motherhood represents her desire to break away from the norm and NOT be like her own mother while simultaneously trying to figure out her own life so she isn't alone.

In crime procedurals/thrillers, if she is a mother - she presents strength and fierce protectiveness. She's often a single mother whose main character arc is protecting her child or her perceived children. The character doesn't get the luxury of dreams and has to be more practical.

Stepmothers are often used for internal family drama - whether it's a Cinderella situation or the child matchmaker trope. If your main character isn't a mother, the mother figure gives the MC something to fight for: Katniss, Peter Parker, Spencer Reid, etc. She doesn't have to be an active or a present mother figure, but she gives the orphaned/only child MC a family while not stopping them for being present in the plot.

I personally don’t like the dead angelic mother trope in media. I guess that is somewhat similar to your “mom who does no wrong” trope.

I actually call this the "holy mother" trope. Especially for female characters, she has to dedicate her entire life to pleasing a mother who isn't alive anymore.

[DokiDokiTsuna]

This is one thing I wanted to represent with Kattar's story, but it definitely feels like one of those things you're "not allowed" to say.

I think that's primarily an issue of kids' and young adult fiction. Where in the former, a mother is an infinitely kind and generous paragon who always knows what to do and say to help you; and in the latter, a mother is basically a saint-like figure who often dies before the story begins so the protagonist can use their holy, unblemished memory as motivation...in adult media, or at least media written with a mature perspective in mind, writers pretty regularly address the unique power of a mother to royally f*ck up a child's life for decades to come. ^^;

Although I honestly think the two portrayals come from the same place: society at large DOES expect mothers to be perfect, the 'moral center' of the traditional family, who never needs anything from anyone and exists only to give and serve until the day she dies.
And the worst mothers are often people who just crack under the strain of that expectation. They either run away from parental responsibilities altogether, or take their repressed anger and hostility out on their children, the only people they're allowed to have real authority over.

Basically: it may be taboo to say you don't like your mother, but it's easily 100x more taboo to say you don't like being a mother, and in my opinion, the fact that mothers in general aren't allowed to admit that they're not cut out for the job and receive help and support (rather than horror and vilification...) directly results in more kids having to admit they don't like their mothers. ^^; Children can tell when they're being raised by people who feel 'stuck' with them; they may not be able to articulate it, but they tend to figure it out eventually. And in the worst cases, they internalize it for the rest of their lives. :[

...Anyway, on a lighter note: I don't work with mothers as characters too often, but when I do I definitely aim for a variety of portrayals-- I've written pure evil mothers, deadbeat mothers, mothers who often mess up but try their best, and mothers who love parenting more than anything in the world.
I think my most unique portrayals are mothers who are still allowed to be...fun. Like not just 'airhead Stepford wife' or 'preschool teacher' fun, but fun as in having hobbies, goals, romantic desires, a personality beyond "kind", and opportunities to talk about themselves and their feelings without being painted as selfish or ignorant. Basically, the humanizing qualities that are usually reserved for 'fun dads'.

Ex. #1

Azellia paused to look around. “My, it’s been a long time since I last saw Mel’s room...isn’t it cute? I love how he displays his little rock collection on the shelves...”

She went over to pick up a large cube-shaped piece. “You know, I gave him this one,” she said. “A long time ago...we didn’t know each other that well yet, and I wanted to impress him~.”

“...Did he like it?” Marko asked.

“Well now, that’s one of those questions that doesn’t really have an answer...Mel is the type of person who appreciates the mere idea of someone giving him a gift, even moreso than the gift itself...of course, on the other hand, he did leave it up on the shelf~.”

Ex. #2

LORENA: It’s not gonna be like this every day, is it?? How can you—
…
…I guess…it’s not fair for me to complain. You don’t really remember me yet, after all, so in your mind, it’s probably…not like I’m actually your mother, or anything…
But if you could just…as a favor to a…friend— * takes him by his shoulders*
Couldn’t you make a little time for me, sometimes…? I just…I can’t just not see you, after everything I went through to find you…
And I can’t help but think…every time you leave, and I have to look at your empty room again…I just keep thinking…’what if he doesn’t come back??’

Ex. #3

“Wait. You wait just one second,” I said in a voice I almost didn’t recognize as my own. “Did you rope me into that ambush, fully intending for us to die, just so you could test my Inclination??”

“Well…I needed to be dead so I could disappear, for classified reasons. But as for you…yes…?”

I didn’t even reply. I just got up and left the bar.

Outside, I huffed and puffed as I marched down the sidewalk, trying to calm myself. I had never been so furious in my entire life.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before I heard Verdigris’ footsteps running after me.

“Mirabilite!” she called. “Mirabilite, please wait! If it makes you feel better, that wasn’t the only reason!”

“I don’t care!” I said, whipping around to face her. “You people…you people are psychopaths! You’re insane! What would you have done if I actually died?!”

“Well, we—”

“I have children!! Children and a husband that could have lost me because I, fool that I am, was all broken up about losing a conniving snake like you!”

[Mallory]

My main character is searching for her mother (MC is the only one who isn't convinced her mother is dead), so it's safe to say that the mother is a central figure in the plot.

We only see her from the perspective of my MC so she comes off as awesome, kind and heroic, but I don't actually think she's the greatest mother. She puts the MC in boarding school (granted, a nice one) and continues traipsing around the galaxy with her group of friends searching for cool stuff. She lies to the MC quite frequently - granted, with good intentions of trying to keep MC safe, but it's not the best approach to parenting. She puts herself in danger for pretty ego-driven reasons, even though she is the only parent my MC has (I've kind of alluded to all of this in my comic, but I haven't had enough chapters to really build this up).

I guess to me I don't think there's really only two options - the kind, loving perfect mother and the horrible monster. I think most mothers can't really help but screw their kid up in some way, because being a mother is super freaking hard. And nobody exactly goes to school for it so you kinda have to... wing it more often than not. I know my mother had me way too young and definitely uh... made some errors along the way. But I know she tried her best and even if she made mistakes, it's not like she meant to screw me up lol. So with that in mind, I think the "loving, perfect, caring" mother character is more a reflection of a mother's intent rather than the actual result.

[Leyelle]

@DokiDokiTsuna @Mallory

I definitely agree about motherhood being a hard task, and mother's should be portrayed with more humanity, because even when they do their best, it's so easy to accidentally mess things up. At the same time, I'd never thought of the fact that mothers don't get the liberty to say that they dislike being a mother, and it's definitely a different perspective, or even that they want their kids, but don't want to 'mother' them (though I know personally what effect that would have on the kid, whether they say it explicitly or not.) With the case of my character Mrs. Moon, she's sort of a combination. She loves her son, and wants to be a mother. She thinks she's done everything for him he could possibly need, but seriously traumatized him without realizing. In other (currently, but hopefully not forever) unreleased stories I have more examples of different motherhood dynamics though. Mother's who love their kids to death and while not perfect, do a pretty good job. Mothers who really love being moms, but also are fun (and even super powered in some instances.) I think it's because I grew up in a big family, and personally love kids, but don't want to cave to the idea that has been impressed upon me by my own mother, that you can't be a mother AND have a life of your own, or pursue your dreams until after your kids are grown. When I think about it, I actually write a LOT of moms, sometimes young moms, sometimes 'average age' moms, but I try to make each one their own individual character, where being a mother just happens to be one part of their life. And when I think of it, my most 'mommish' trope character, isn't a mom at all, but an older sister caring for her younger siblings, (which again, might be because this has been a portion of my life.)

I think one of the biggest problems with writing moms is that it seems to be so limited to the idea that mother is a personality, or a persons whole existence, when we don't limit other character traits like this. All women are obviously 'daughters' but we don't act as if that shoves them into one specific personality.

[cherrystark]

I think one of the biggest problems with writing moms is that it seems to be so limited to the idea that mother is a personality, or a persons whole existence, when we don't limit other character traits like this. All women are obviously 'daughters' but we don't act as if that shoves them into one specific personality.

Writing moms isn't "sexy". Collectively, we all love a hands-on father or the trope where a loner man unofficially adopts a younger person (usually a girl) as his own. We love it. But in a lot of stories written nowadays, she's not allowed to be a mother and if she is that's epilogue stuff. Her personality is "trauma". The mother doesn't get to be the hero or even have a healthy relationship with her children (looking at you mother-in-law trope). Mothers aren't allowed to have personalities.

When I let my MC naturally grow into the role of motherhood, I found it's surprisingly easy to write. She's still a fully realized character in my head, she now has an additional layer of responsibility.

[Leyelle]

On a similar vein, I'd like to see the idea of a mother who didn't want to be a mom, but chose to do her best to raise her child because she felt like it was the right thing to do