YK...romantic doesn't just mean "Lovey-Dovey" (anxiety, anger, agony etc. Share your writing samples here.)

Leyelle 2024-03-07 02:36:38 UTC #1

Share the most emotional scenes from your series. They can be any emotion. Or maybe your character is emotional about feeling no emotion. Get creative.

here we have a social anxiety panic attack

I shake my head - kick an atrocious velveteen blouse off of the main pile and into a shambled little molehill.

Why did I even buy this?

The shadow raps on the door. Pounds on the door. Scratches at it like some sort of clawed ghost from a slasher movie.

I pile up jeans and tee shirts like a scream queen barricading the door and hurry to the closet to yank down the hangers.

Button-ups, sweatshirts.

This is what comes from never caring what you look like.

Living off of hand-me-downs trained me out of that - and even though I haven’t been broke since I was 18, I guess I never got over it…

Skirts suits, pants suits.

My hand falters on the pink wrap dress…

I guess…

I take it down from its hanger and take it out into the light, smoothing my hand over the bubblegum-colored satin.

I guess we’re doing this.

I force myself to breathe, as the shaking sets in.

No more hiding. Not even the scars.

Alright, Kat…

I try not to imagine what he’s going to say. Not that I’ll be able to see him until tomorrow because of the stupid visiting hours. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live that long…

And after the surgery…who knows if he’ll even be able to…

The shadow shrieks-

I slip my teeshirt off and add it to the pile on the floor - pull on the dress, and tie the sash-

Don’t think about that now-

My face burns as I rush to the bathroom and pull my hair into a messy sort of bun - try to fix my makeup through the trembling.

This is going to be okay. We’re gonna-

I lean on the sink so I don’t collapse.

Breathe, Licia. Just breathe.

What if someone from The Foundation is there- they’re gonna-

Breathe

In front of all those people - god - not - I’m not ready-

My heart moves too slowly and too quickly at the same time - I can’t get enough air into my lungs-

I’m not going out - I’m not gonna go out - I’ll have to text Kat-Mrs. Moon-

Leyelle 2024-03-10 19:37:47 UTC #2

As the first rush of the painkillers bleeds through my system I lose touch with my surroundings, almost convinced I’m standing in a vast emptiness, watching the clouds blot out the sun, and submerge me in sticky black. Sweat glitters on every inch of unbroken skin, and pools in places I didn’t know I could sweat, saturating my hair and running down my face, into my eyes.

It’s washed out by a scorching bright- pure white, with spots of noxious neon.

The endless hum of over-bright. LED. electric lights. sings in my ears like a chorus of skittish cicadas, fanning their wings, as if they’re desperate to escape. I can’t blame them. Trembling like a miniature earthquake. My body tries to make sense of this cataclysm that’s left my world seeing stars.

My head spins again, turning bodies topsy turvy. Smearing faces into the paint. Baptized with blood in the white space. I’m not even sure when I woke up or how long I’ve spent lying here, staring at the walls or the ceiling. My senses are all scrambled. Am I facing the left or the right? Am I hearing or feeling the voices crashing around me, a barrage of nervous wrecks? I swim in the excruciating sensation, almost blacking out. I feel as though I'm hanging from the rafters by my hair, and the pressure in my neck only increases with every crash of my heartbeat. My mouth defies me as I try to call for a nurse - my jaw is locked tight as if it’s been screwed shut and it's stubbornly set on staying that way for the moment. The whole thing fills. With bitter bile. I can’t swallow. And I try desperately not to drown before somebody finds me.

Leyelle 2024-03-31 12:26:46 UTC #3

“I met my new agent today,” I say slowly, in an attempt to break the silence. He looks up abstractedly, and I can almost feel his interest fragmenting like a thousand slivers of broken glass. I only get one, and the apathy stabs me like one of Cupid’s arrows.

Something about her smile becomes venomous.

This arrow, it would seem, is tipped with amorous liquid wrath, bubbling up subtly in the warmth of my skin. I feel it before I perceive it.

“Her name’s Emelia Howard,” I say pettishly, surprising myself with the exasperation I let ooze through my tone. “She seems really…”

I try to think of something nice to say, fumbling about in the distant seeming memory like I groped through the darkness of Kattar’s immaculate bedroom.

“She’s very pretty.”

Kattar nods, but he’s not looking at me, glancing sideways at two giggling teenagers as they pass by whispering to each other behind their hands.

His expression is a mixture of nerves and irritation, a cloudy cocktail casting a shadow over his white face. When he looks back at me, his eyes are two lines, like he’s squinting against the sun.

“She’s what now?”

“Pretty,” I say flatly, and it sounds like snapping, but my beauty doesn’t seem to notice in the least, “Like a dress-up doll.”

Leyelle 2024-04-12 02:20:40 UTC #4

When Papi told him they were going to the reservation in Arizona…

“Are you crying?” Drew’s voice asks softly like it’s leading me by the hand out of that dark maze of memory.

“Yes.”

“Please don’t…” he whispers, his voice aching with sympathy.

Don’t cry for me, Drew…

I’ll pretend I’m okay if you can just…

“I won’t anymore,” I promise, drying my eyes on the sleeve of my pajama shirt.

I want to say something encouraging, but the affection is drowned out by bitter memories.

I can’t keep my voice steady or keep my thoughts to myself.

The words come out like a sob - like a shot of venom - “I just didn’t want to pull a ‘mom’…”

Leyelle 2024-04-18 15:52:55 UTC #5

I wake up drenched with sweat that feels like ice - coursing down my spine in tortured torrents-

And something in me is so shattered-

So fed up with the torment that I lose my mind- like fire through my blood and the bed-

I tear my sheets off the mattress and throw them to the floor, hearing threads fracture and fabric tear - I throw the pillows at the wall and my words after them, shrieking at the tops of my lungs.

“I DON’T CARE! I DON’T CARE! I DON’T MISS YOU! I DON'T WANT TO!”

And it’s not the first time I’m glad the house is empty! Glad everyone who cares about me is millions of miles away! That I have no one close enough to hold me after the nightmares and I’m completely and entirely alone! So I can scream like a demoniac until the howling on the inside of my head calms to that mellow, roaring melancholy I’m so used to that it’s almost comforting - almost mothering - and I can lay down on the bare mattress, weeping like a raving maniac with anger and agony-!

Not because I miss her.

I don’t miss her.

Leyelle 2024-05-08 04:58:28 UTC #6

I feel like Adam and Eve must have - trying to ignore the sound of our parents downstairs in the living room asking where we are - if we’ve come home from school yet-

I almost shut the bathroom door, leaving my foot in the space between the door and its frame - whispering harshly for all my panic-

“Wash your face.”

Riley obeys. Plunging his hands into the ice cold water vomiting from the sink, he wipes the last delicate dribbles of golden bile from his lower lip, and I shove the door open again with a violence that makes it slam against the wall behind it - leaving a dent like a pitted scar-

“Now hurry up and get to your room and your homework before they come up here.”

This he does too, without a word, and I pretend not to notice the smudging in his eyeliner - hoping mom and dad won’t notice either.

(this is free for everyone to read on my Patreon public posts:

Leyelle 2024-05-30 15:50:10 UTC #7

He gives a thousand finicky instructions without moving from how he’s sitting in the chair. One elbow resting on the armrest, the other arm motioning sluggishly, like he’s swimming through outer space.

The whole time my eyes track his expression searching for some sign of…interest?

Of anything.

The look in those windows to his soul is almost vacant. Like his emotions are making a long-distance move, and only a scant few parcels of anything like ‘care’ remain. The sign on the lawn says ‘apathy’ and his face is acutely ghost-like acedia - an almost gray shade of indifference.

For some reason, I suddenly want to cry.

Something painfully familiar that I can’t- don’t want to place churns in my stomach and hangs from my heartstrings like a gallows as he stares at the palm of his hand absentmindedly - I just can’t-

“Kattar, look at me.”

He raises his head but he barely seems to see me at all, slowly smiling a little uncomfortably at 0.5 speed.

“What exactly am I looking at?” He laughs a little awkwardly.

“The love of your life,” I say out loud before the words even register in my brain. The sentence sounds watery, overlaid with tears, as my voice begs, “Is she pretty?”

And for one second I see his expression glow blackly with a wariness - dread cocktail - in the dark and stormy abyss-

He flushes just slightly and then turns deathly pale, and as suddenly as the look appeared, it’s gone again.

“Yes, she’s…”

In its place, a dull, impossibly exhausted aura saturates him to the bone. And he’s so much older than he should be. Decades older than me.

“...pretty.”

As soon as the words leave his whitened lips, “pretty” isn’t good enough.

Leyelle 2024-06-05 15:24:49 UTC #8

TW//Death

“Alright, so you don’t care whether you live or die or not - fine! But do you not care about me either? Do you???”

His accent always comes through when he’s upset.

“That’s not fair, Kat…”

“No no, it’s not fair! I’m not fair! But If you’re not going to make sense, if you’re going to be crazy, then I have to play dirty, eh? You don’t care what happens to me, right? You didn’t care what I was supposed to do if I came over even three days later to find my best friend dead on the floor?”

…

The same thing I did when I found my mom.

“Aishhhh. Diablo! Just leave me alone! You have no idea what it’s like or you wouldn’t talk to me like this. You don’t even care…”

“Si. Si - I’m a monster. I’m an absolute jerk. You love me and I don’t love you. So scream at me, fuss at me, call me an idiot - bully - a silver-spoon mamma’s boy who doesn’t understand a thing about what it’s like to actually have to suffer in life. Fine. But if you love me so much more than I could possibly ever love you, do me one favor...”

Leyelle 2024-07-01 21:31:37 UTC #9

Essence doesn't feel strong emotions, but if you stop and think about it, I still consider this train of thought very emotional.

Out of the things I’ve had to do today, it’s among the least unappealing, though as I put my number into his phone, I feel a tangible weight settling on my shoulders.

Ignore it until later.

I keep faking the smile.

This is going to put so much extra stuff on my schedule, and I barely have time for my own life right now.

But I’m supposed to try to make people happy.

My posture starts sinking again, but I try to look brighter when he glances up at me, remembering to pretend.

No one will ever want to be around me if I don’t try to be agreeable.

And maybe someday, I’ll want that, and regret that I didn’t.

So, I’ll just keep saying ‘yes’ to everything and keep everyone ‘happy’ with me for as long as I possibly can, as if maybe someday something good will come of it, when nothing ever has in 27 years.

Leyelle 2024-07-23 14:38:13 UTC #10

I need out-

Of this house - this place - this body-

I-

Somebody help me…

Please…

Because that thought terrifies me.

It must have been what she was thinking.

What I-

No -

Not now-

Just need out of my head - out of these thoughts for a minute or more-

I’m not going to fall-

But I - need to feel something or stop feeling- let the cold burn me until I can’t think of the way anything else is hurting-

Need to be somewhere where it won’t be as easy as it seems right now to decide-

-To

I tear out of the front door like my apartment’s on fire and hurry down the sidewalk with no jacket - no shoes - my head down - my hair shrouding my face - like I used to go sit on the front steps of my aunt's apartment when I started to feel like I didn’t exist - letting the snow fall and melt onto my bare head-

-Until my body remembered it needed to try to not die-

I kick a snow drift, scraping my foot against the sidewalk as I do-

And with every trickle of flaming red that runs into the white, I remind myself that I have a very weak stomach.

And I can’t stand the sight of blood.

CEWashburn 2024-07-23 17:14:07 UTC #11

Harley's fiancé died years ago, but he hasn't been able to let go of any of his possessions. Now, he has no choice, and the experience is harder than he thought. Luckily, he has Declan, who simply needs to hold his hand and give him a shoulder to cry on while he deals with the anxiety and stress of letting someone else into the place once wholly reserved for the man he'd loved and lost.

Two days later, me, Windy, and Dex are staring at that door, my hands shaking. In all our time together, not once has Windy ever stepped over the threshold of your room. Not even when we were fixing up the house after my breakdown. She’s never opened the door. She’s never even touched it. She knows it’s a sacred place, that I don’t let anyone in there, and she’s always respected my wishes to stay away from it.
I need this to be her room now, though, Robin. I need you to let her have it. So, please forgive me. Forgive us.
I reach for the door with a trembling hand and a racing heart. When I turn the handle, it’s like I’m opening a portal to a world that only I belong in. It’s a world dedicated to you, one I’ve worked so hard to keep and protect from everyone else. No one else is allowed to see what I own. No one else is allowed to have any part of you.
I really am a selfish bastard, aren’t I…
I push the door open and step back. I feel Declan’s hand slip into mine as he leans into me. It’s not like this is easy for him, either. We both love you, remember? We both miss you…we both can’t let you go in our own ways.
Windy steps in slowly, carefully, and looks around the large space in awe. She points to a photo. “That’s him.”
I swallow hard and nod. “That’s him.” My throat is raspy with emotion and I let out a shaky breath. I squeeze Declan’s hand, feeling my entire body shake. He kisses the back of my hand. We don’t kiss often, and the ones we do give are usually on our hands or fingertips. If I kiss him anywhere else, it won’t end there and I’m not ready for that yet. I’m grateful he’s so patient.
I let my forehead fall to the side of his head and close my eyes for a moment, breathing deep to calm down. I haven’t been in there in months and I didn’t realize it was going to affect me this badly.
“It’s okay,” Declan whispers. “It’s going to be okay, Lee.”
“I can’t breathe,” I gasp, tears choking me. Declan turns and wraps me in his arms. He’s rocking me steadily, his fingers in my hair, gently teasing it. It calms me, he knows it does. After a moment, I look up, holding Declan close to me as I turn to watch through blurred vision as Windy investigates the shrine I built to you.
Windy is walking around the room, taking in every photo, every award, every action figure and manga you collected. There are photos of us everywhere, mementos from some of our trips, your camera equipment, your hiking boots, the large stuffed penguin I won for you at the festival where we kissed for the first time, your bike, your broken phone, your clothes…everything that was you.
And on the wall, in the center of it all, is you.
In a glossy wooden box.
Surrounded by cards and dried flowers.
Your engagement ring is right next to it, along with a copy of our wedding announcement and invitation. Folded in an envelope underneath both of them, are the words I was denied saying to you.
My wedding vows.
She doesn’t touch anything, keeping her hands in her back pockets. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, she steps out of the room, takes my hand, and pulls me gently from Dex to hold me.
“Thank you for letting me have his room, Lee,” she whispers. “I’ll take good care of it, I promise.”
I drop to my knees, taking them with me, and fall apart.

supriyashukla2398 2024-07-30 14:29:43 UTC #12

Milo opened his eyes, meeting Kiet's gaze. The intensity in those eyes was overwhelming—a mix of desire and dominance that made Milo's knees weak.

Kiet continued, his breath hot against Milo's neck. "You will do exactly as I say. Do you understand?"

Milo nodded, his eyes wide with fear. He could feel the heat radiating from Kiet's body and the intensity of his gaze burning into him.

"Say it," Kiet demanded, his voice a low growl.

"I understand," Milo whispered, his voice trembling.

Kiet's grip tightened for a moment before he finally released Milo's wrists, letting his hands fall to his sides. Kiet's hand cupped Milo's chin, forcing him to look up and meet his gaze.

"Remember this moment, Milo," he said. "Because it marks the beginning of your new life."

Without another word, Kiet leaned in, his lips crashing against Milo's in a kiss that was both possessive and fierce. There was nothing gentle about it; it was a claim, a branding. Milo felt Kiet's dominance in every movement, every press of their lips, and every sweep of his tongue.

CEWashburn 2024-07-31 17:24:44 UTC #13

I think I just found me a new novel to obsess over, thanks

alienmstar 2024-07-31 19:07:30 UTC #14

"There we were, that same golden light shining through those wheat fields. At a loss, I asked the empty space how I was supposed to feel.
Mom. Would you expect me to smile? I apologise but I will refrain. Holding on to the promise we made with your eyes full of joy. That all you needed was my smile, and you would always be there. So I don’t, to keep you in a “Schrödinger's state.” Despite my ramblings, I am not all that different from Grandma. In this state of ambiguity, your hair remains superior to this golden sunset.
Perceiving myself as small and powerless. Can you help me through these feelings? Directly beneath that place looming above."

“This is funny.” Lily said, crossing her arms tighter. Her attention turned to me, her eyes red and puffy.
My eyes widened in surprise. "What is funny?" I asked.
“You are. Do you think I don't have eyes? That I don't know you more than anyone in this house?” She said, tears streaming down her face.
“You are talking about Theo.” I said, realising my mistake. I was the oblivious one in this situation, just as Leon had said. Indeed, everyone knew.
“Who else would be? Claude? It seems you also got acquainted.” She spat the words out, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
“Lily, you are being unfair. I was suspicious you knew about me and him. But you never said anything.” I looked into her eyes and for the first time, I didn't see myself. It was an unfamiliar sight. A side of her that had been hidden to me. “And I met Claude yesterday briefly. Not that it's any of your business.”
“I did everything right. From the moment we broke up, I tried to fix myself. Then why is it you that he chooses?” She started pacing around.
“Lily, I understand and I am sorry I took you as a fool. But you can't decide that for someone.” I reached out to touch her arm, but she pulled away.
“Why didn't you tell me then?” She demanded, her voice cracking.
"It was as simple as the fact that I didn't want to hurt you.” I sighed. “And it became a bigger thing than it should have been with time.”
“You failed all my tests. Did you think I woke up so early in the morning for fun?” She screamed so loud, I could hear commotion inside the house.
“Are you serious? In any of those moments did you stop and remember I am a person too?” I shouted back, my patience wearing thin.
“Did you think about me, Harriet, when I watched you guys yesterday in the corridor?" She wiped her tears angrily.
“Lily, I apologise, really. But we can fix this together.” I extended my hand, my voice softening.
“It's so easy for you. You get everything, always. Why did you have to mess up my relationship with Claude?” She stomped on the floor, resembling a kid throwing a tantrum.
I felt a pang of frustration. "This is unlike you. Do you remember what you told me when I first went to live with you?"
“That we were sisters for eternity, no matter what anyone said. But the truth is we are not.” Lily stopped pacing and looked at me, her eyes glistening with determination. "I won't give up, Harriet. By any means."
Her stubbornness hit me like a slap. For the first time in our lives, we were truly at odds. "Fine, Lily. Have it your way. But be prepared for what the consequences may be."

Leyelle 2024-08-21 15:02:44 UTC #15

I find myself sitting cross-legged on the living room floor with my head in both hands, rocking for no reason as I try to make myself focus or think.

But I can’t talk to him.

The more I try to solve the enigma - cure my empty spaces - conjure the missing piece to my broken ending the more the answers slip away from me.

I just need to wrap up a stupid lesson.

But I can’t talk to the people I’ve known for a decade without feeling like I’m doing everything wrong. How am I supposed to teach strangers?

I’m hopeless.

“Now at the end of our course together…”

No, that's not how it should go…

“As we reach the end…”

My mind begins playing “I Did It My Way” by Frank Sinatra and senseless rambles about the final curtain.

I’m panicking.

It’s not right! It’s not right!

It has to be perfect! It’s never perfect!

I bite my thumb and stare at my laptop on the paint-splattered carpet in front of me, all a mess of reds and yellows, like a whiny baby felt the need to overturn their dinner - throw it everywhere.

My mind melts a little more, and I think of Melissa and the way she talked about her husband and her son - wondering why it all feels so foreign.

There’s nothing. Nothing left. No answers. No time.

Why did I ever think I could do this?

Why did I ever think I could survive this time better than the last time? That I wouldn’t shatter and fall apart and lose my mind like the last time?

Think having a relationship with Kattar would go better than the last time-

-I tried to live and convince myself I was loved.

Leyelle 2024-09-10 15:43:55 UTC #16

Here's some intense anxiety:

Getting off on the third floor, I head straight to the closest beauty supply store and use a perfume sample at random-

That should trip up that doberman for a little while, at least.

I allow my own nose two seconds to adjust to its violent aversion to the smell, then I buy a package of hairbands with the credit card Therese gave me so if I go missing she and Verner will know where I was at least relatively close to my disappearance.

Now to just find that ‘special’ elevator.

Therese told me there’s one elevator in this mall that’s the only elevator with a button for level 4.5 of the parking garage, which Peacock Mall shares with Dove Mall right across from it.

I hate spending any time in parking garages at moments like these, but at least this one is a pretty straight shot-

The screaming in my head is starting to get a little crazy- a little less like ‘stay calm’ and a little more like-

FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE, MORA GLAS, IF YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR HIDE, MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE-!!!

Leyelle 2024-10-01 12:04:33 UTC #17

“Hey.”

I look up slowly to see Cocoa sitting down in my desk chair, bouncing her leg anxiously.

“Are you absolutely sure you’re alright, Dominic?” she pouts nervously, putting her thumb to my cheek to smudge out one of the tear streaks. “This isn’t just one of those boy things where you pretend you don’t have feelings?”

I can’t help but scoff, heaving my shoulders as I stare down at my messy bed, “I have feelings, Cocoa. They’re just…fine.”

She frowns slightly as I smile, wiping my face off with the heels of my palms, “What is it Honey always says? I just need to sleep off the day I just had. I’ll feel better in the morning.”

“It’s been a pretty long day,” Cocoa admits with a sigh, “But…your date was...?”

“Bitter icing on the cake,” I grin, but then I try to take it back, wondering if that statement might be rude, or disrespectful to Miss Walker somehow.

“It was just…weird.”

“Cat lady weird? Or…crazy weird?”

“Would you be able to understand me if I said it was ‘nothing weird?’” I laugh through my own confused emotions as Cocoa looks at me like I’m crazy.