That sounds like a depression. Would you consider seek for a therapist?
Second thing would be start to take care of yourself. Mental well-being is deeply related to your daily habits of sleep, nutrition and physical movement. If you're not sleeping what you actually need, no wonder why are you feeling so bad.
Another thing you may need is meditation, the act of being conscious of your own thoughts and live in the present moment. Take a step back and analyse from outside why are you having those negative thoughts.
Why am I saying this after you feeling ignored. You yourself said it:
It's time to try the other way around: First take care of yourself, Lavender, then everything else will roll at its rythm.