Advice to writing humor and inserting it naturally into a story?

[JoshRaed]

So far the people reading my story seem to fully hate all of the jokes that a certain character is making and just want them to stop acting like that. Is there a way to fix this?

[DokiDokiTsuna]

I feel like the title and the OP are actually 2 different issues: inserting humor naturally is an issue of writing technique and skill, while making readers enjoy your jokes is a matter of subjective style. You can have well-implemented humor that people still find annoying, and on the other hand, you can have humor that's enjoyable in and of itself, but poorly used in the story.

...Anyway, it would help if we knew what types of jokes you're talking about, and/or what specifically the people hate about them. :T

[JoshRaed]

The jokes just generally annoy people. No one seems to have a non-negative feeling about the humor in my stories. People dub them edgy, or out of character, or tonally inconsistent, or annoying, or poke at the joke like a vulcan.

Some examples of jokes people don’t like are:

1) A monster grabs someone by the face so she licks its hand to make it drop her.

2) A character changes the subject and asks someone if they want to eat a centipede, then eats it.

3) This moment:

Then a dark figure pins him down.

"I'm only going to ask this once. I will not repeat myself. Where's the chosen one, pretender?"

Heiroe: He's fucking your grandmother!

4) “Windows are just doors the government doesn’t want you to know about”

[Kelheor]

If that's a script for a comic, some things won't work without a visual component.
Not everyone likes black humor/nasty/toilet kind of humor.
Some jokes simply fall flat, not everyone is naturally a good humor writer, you have to learn how to do that as well.
"He's fucking your grandmother" is not a joke answer, unless your general setting is an Adult Swim kind of content. Otherwise it's just angry and rude.
The "windows" line doesn't sound like a joke, more like a conspiracy statement.

[IndigoShirtProd]

I'm in agreement of what @Kelheor said, some of the jokes do just come off as rude quips. In my opinion, rather than the humor being a baked in element of the plot, it feels like it an afterthought that dumped on at the last minute. Heiroe is supposed to be the serious one in the story seeing the quest as important. But he's making poorly thought out quips at inopportune moments. You need to have him be the straightman in more instances early on.

[JoshRaed]

Isn’t he straight man in most scenes though?

I feel like the comment “he’s fucking your grandmother” was meant to be a reflection of some defiant attitude that he would not have here honestly. It’s what Janis Ian would say if a school bully wanted to know where her dad is, or what a smartass character would say in an interrogation from the villain. In this context this moment is like a smartass way of saying he won’t give up any information.

[JoshRaed]

I really don’t know what you mean by that last one. I can see how that line is not a joke because when you imagine it it’s just a character being rude, but how is “windows are just doors the government doesn’t want you to know about” not clearly a goofy one-liner?

[Kelheor]

Not, the grandma line is not a smartass answer, neither it's something witty that a villain would answer, because this answer has no set up.
There's nothing "goofy" about it? that may be the problem of people in this thread not seeing the full script though. Maybe if the set up was that the two characters are going to break in the house somehow, the one is hesitant, another is saying "windows are just doors." Then they kick the window out, get in the house and, looking out, say "The government doesn't want you to know about it". Or something like that (I am not good at comedy either, sorry).
But I can't judge since I haven't read the original script.

[JoshRaed]

If you saw a meme that said “windows are just doors the government doesn’t want you to know about” what would you think of it? Would you not see it as a joke?

[BoomerZ]

Going to be honest, those are all just bad. They smack of the Josh Whedon like humour that has infested most movies and entertainment such as the mcu and even star wars. It's meta humour. Meta humour is when the people in the story make jokes because they know they are in a story, not real life. They joke and make fun in even dire circumstances. Remember to the people in your story, this is their reality. People don't act goofy to act goofy, and the more you do it the more the audience won't take your seriously. Why would they if you're not going to take it seriously. If you are writing a straight up comedy that is ok. But also remember you made a social contract with your reader. They went into your story expecting a type of story, usually the one you gave out in the description. If you don't meet that expectation, they will feel betrayed. Then they will complain.

[JoshRaed]

None of this humor is meta. Like what would a non-meta joke even be if this is what meta humor is?

[NickRowler]

I have been trying to keep track of your projects, so I am sort of confused. I thought you were writing a horror or fantasy story. You don't really need "frat bro" style humor in it. If anything, you might not even need much humor at all.

Shock humor, toilet humor, and low brow humor tends to be the hardest to write because you are treading a fine line between funny and the worst type of cringe.

[JoshRaed]

One of the characters would be dramatically out of character to the point of lacking a personality if he never made any jokes. The whole point of this character initially was that some fictional characters make jokes and goof around in situations where their life is in danger, like every MCU character and also sonic the hedgehog, and you’d actually have to be pretty psychologically messed up to have that mindset. Without humor he’s just apathetic, mean and traumatized.

[BoomerZ]

1) A monster grabs someone by the face so she licks its hand to make it drop her.
Would in any situation you lick an attacker, and in any situation would that attack let you go from being licked. That only works because its goofy and the writer wanted it to work. Any person in his own reality would know this wouldn't work. Hence meta.

2) A character changes the subject and asks someone if they want to eat a centipede, then eats it.
once again, no one would just pick up a centipede and eat it out of the blue (blw centipedes are venomous.) This is just to show someone is goofy and not acting normal like the have done to Harley in DC. It's random meta as it's for the readers sake, not the people in the story.

3) This moment:

Then a dark figure pins him down.

"I'm only going to ask this once. I will not repeat myself. Where's the chosen one, pretender?"

Heiroe: He's fucking your grandmother!

This is using a popular insult from our world. And not even a good insult. If the hero was actually pinned down and in dire circumstances, a mom joke would not be the first thing that comes out of his mouth. He is acting as if he isn't in real danger. So the joke is for the readers as in his reality, he would be dealing with the problem at hand, not make off the cuff mom jokes.

4) “Windows are just doors the government doesn’t want you to know about”
I actually don't have a problem with this if it's part of a longer narrative.

[JoshRaed]

1) How do you feel about this clip at :59 seconds?

2) The centipede thing in context is an instance of something he does regularly in character, like it makes sense in this context for this character.

3) I didn’t explain this earlier but this world is defined by skyscrapers and apartment complexes, characters drive cars too, and one character holds the niche of the tech user in the group, like she makes science fiction future tech.

[Kelheor]

You don't compare a character licking a monster that's trying to kill them to Catra licking Glimmer. Those are just completely different types of interactions.

[NickRowler]

Is your character a cat or some kind of catgirl? Even then, I think biting someone like a cat would be funnier. If the whole joke is they are cat-like, then make them react the way a cat would. Heck you can add them going "nom nom nom" to make them cutesy.

[JoshRaed]

Is it better if I say the monster is a human in monster skin and the character in question is one who’s supposed to regularly do things like this?

[JoshRaed]

I feel like the real issue is which character does it. Like there’s a character in my story who’d do this but not that one.

[NickRowler]

If you are still in the drafting phase, you could just fix it. It is sort of hard to talk to other people about these characters if they don't know who they are. We are just reading jokes out of context.

I think my personal concern with the centipede one is the "Why?". It feels like a distraction than a joke. Even then you could set it up better.

• Maybe a character says they are hungry, then suddenly starts eating bugs.
• Maybe one character is afraid of bugs and starts screaming but the 2nd character grabs the bug and eats it.