Age gap between young couple?

[frgmnt]

I don't see a reason to freak out tbh.
You've stated that you're not portraying it as a perfect healthy relationship, have good reasons why these two got together at the age they did, and there doesn't seem to be a sexual relationship between them, from what you wrote. If anyone reading thinks you're endorsing a real life age gap relationship because you're writing one, that's their problem.
3 years age gap is not even a huge one. Honestly I cringe when I see some people online declaring a fictional ship of 15- and 18-year-old as pedophiliac. Could it be unhealthy in real life? Maybe. Every relationship is different, and can go bad for various reasons which can but don't have to include the age gap. But the freak-out over fictional ships is really just silly imo, particularly when they aren't really anything extreme.

[WillowTree]

I don't have a problem with it, because as others have stated, it's fiction. It's just a novel. BUT! Some people might have a problem and they might be very vocal about their thoughts on it. Make sure that you're able to handle potential negative comments if you're going to write this.

I almost always write age gaps in my relationship. My favorite ages are mid twenties for the younger and early-mid forties for the older. I'm prepared for any kind of feedback when posting something that might have people side eye it. Your situation is different because of a character being underage. Just be aware that internet people like to virtue signal with things like this and you could potentially get some pretty negative comments

Edit- also you can post spoilers under the 'summary' option so people asking questions can get a clearer picture of what you're writing, but those who don't want spoilers can choose to not read them

[GoldenHoneydew]

I would find it kinda weird and would definitely shy off from reading it, but that's just because of the standards I have/ grew up on. A question that I definitely think of when I see stories like this is: At what point did she fall in love with him? and what was he (behavior/personality-wise) like at that point? I hope this helps and I wish you luck on your story!

[elyss]

I don't see the problem. You date someone sense you're young and if someone's older it's only logical that they'll eventually be an adult before you. Do you. Or, even better, just don't mention the ages unless it's absolutely necessary. I'm not saying to hide the age, but if it really doesn't matter for the story, why bother putting it in?

[cherrystark]

Three years is not bad for an age gap. For me, the issues fall more with age of consent and the characters' maturity level. Are they both on the same page with their goals and dreams or is the "relationship" a priority? The consent issue aside, where I'm from, I've seen a lot of teenage relationships where the "relationship" is the priority and there is lots of messiness. Sometimes these relationships get super toxic, super-fast like the stories of young women being conditioned early to devote themselves to their boyfriends and lose their hopes and dreams. Or there are also couples that marry right out of high school and are divorced by 21.

My advice if this couple is "endgame", let them wait. If they are happy and in love as teenagers, let them find each other again in their 20s. No one really looks at a 22-year-old dating a 25-year-old.

[milejdyvan]

That's a great idea to hide the spoilers! I added some extra context to the couple in the original post though I might delete it after some time to keep my ideas secret. But if anyone would like to know more, you can read it now!

[milejdyvan]

It does matter for the story actually I've added some extra context to the original post although they are spoilers. The age is not important in this part of the story though but in different context.

[milejdyvan]

I've added that answer to the original post if you're still interested ^^

[elyss]

I see... I honestly don't see anything wrong with it because of their history. If it turns off some readers, you just lose them.

[Mari]

if the dating consists of nothing sexual until the boy is 16 I don't find it problematic
if it does the girl is grooming the boy and it's gross.

[SleepingPoppy]

I go with the "half your age plus seven" rule for age gaps. Anything outside that range us officially creepy!

For me the context doesn't make it less weird. I think I can see the reason for the relationship being partly due to trauma- after everything she's been through, she gets attached to the boy. But I still find that being framed as romantic squicky. The switche up with the kid is interesting, but also makes me think the reasons the relationship will be written as unhealthy will be more due to that than the age gap? (Not saying that's what you'll do in the actual story, just surmising from the blurb we have to go off of)

At the end of the day I just wouldn't be interested in reading such a couple, but it sounds like they're less a feature than part if an ensemble cast from your comments? So if the focus of the over all story isn't their relationship, you probably won't be at as big of a risk for alienating readers who don't like it. Then it'll just come down to how you weave things together.

Sorry, don't know how helpful all that is. XD

[therosesword]

No problem. It depends (for the readers) what they're doing? Sex? A sketchy subject. Just "together" not so sketchy. My first husband was 7 years younger than I and my current partner more than that. Except he's the old man of the duo and I have to keep prodding him to take a younger view of things. I find the majority of men my age incredibly boring. I know a lot of women between 25 and 65 who are with men younger than they are by 5 to 20 years... it's all where the brain is and what the connection is between them and the willingness to let the rest of the world keep its mouth shut about that which doesn't involve them.

I think @WillowTree had a good suggestion there.

Also, this is fiction. There will always be someone to object to something no matter how small or large it is. If they don't like it they can find something else to their liking. You're the writer, this isn't write by committee. If this is right for you in your writing, then it's right and the people who object... pfffft.
For every "one" person who gets upset there will no doubt be ten who don't. Those ten are the ones you should care about.

Write hard, write true.

[RyzaCobalion]

XD lol yeah don't give out spoilers. i remember in my original draft I planned to have the mc to hook with a demon girl but then I scrapped because by the time I would have gotten to that part their age was huge. By that time he would be 17 and the demon girl would be 587 but in human years she would be 28. XD so you can guess why I scrapped it.

[milejdyvan]

The spoiler was there but I said it wouldn't be for long those who got lucky could read it but otherwise I don't like spoiling my story.

[RyzaCobalion]

DX i haven't read it yet because of finals. But I promise I will catch up once finals are over!

[spadesart]

I'm gonna go with a yeah, it's pretty uncomfortable. While that age gap may not be big between adults, it's a whole other thing with teens. There's a massive shift in maturity from 16-19, and I know when I was 19, 16 year olds looked more like children to me and I wouldn't have dated someone that age. Even now, I'm 22 and would not date a 19 year old.

[WillowTree]

I won't spoil my story in comments of my novel, but on the forums I'm a lot more loose with it. Everyone here is busy creating their own stories so you don't have to worry about any ideas being stolen and (as far as I'm aware) most of the reader base isn't active on the forums so they won't be stumbling across it and spoiling it for themselves ️

[milejdyvan]

It's not about that. I'm not expecting anyone to steal it or anything I'm just personally uncomfortable sharing that stuff so I am surprised I even kept it there for so long. It's a me issue.

[Shredder]

I usually try to frame heavily subjective stuff like this as different questions, you have a 3 year age difference say for example one was 15 and the other was 18. I lot of people would see that as weird to put lightly.

However, if you frame that in the view of "my grandpa is 68 and my grandma is 65." it seems a lot less drastic for the same age gap.

I personally would try to date people within a maximum of 3 years age difference, so either 3 years younger at max or 3 years older. Which puts me around the 20 - 26 bracket.

3 years is a massive age difference when you're a teen, not so much when you get older.

[revisionstudios]

imo, it depends wholly on dynamic and maturity level. There are plenty of couples with that age gap (as teenagers!) who meld together just fine and can be in healthy relationships. Can a 19 yr old take advantage of a 16 yr old? Absolutely. And the risk is higher the bigger the age gap is. But that's not a given, and the people involved are what's most important (How do I know? My partner and I were 18 and 15 respectively when getting together, and we've been together for nearly 15 years!).

You seem to know your characters, have considered the circumstances between them, and have said several times that it's unhealthy. As long as that's addressed in the narrative, you're good. And that goes for any toxic behavior: you can show it, use it a as a part of your story, etc. as long as you don't glorify it.