Too many words.
You want the first sentence of your story to hook the readers in, not trudge them along to get them to the good parts. Be concise and cut all the word fat in your novel.
For example,
Your text,
"According to the revolution, some of the people believe that gods exist in our world, but some of the people don't believe in its existence."
should be,
"As accorded by the revolution, some people believe the god exist, but others don't."
Reading further into this story, I realized that there are a lot errors in writing, both in story telling and cadence.
Destroy your work, watch these stories, and start again.
