11 / 11
May 2021

Hello!
I'm ready to take critism no matter harsh it may be, bless my heart and soul to be ready as this is the first time I'm asking for serious feedback.

There are only a few eps out but I'd love to hear some reviews based on what you read. I want to improve my storytelling, as of now I think my problems are pacing and scriptwriting/dialogues. I also plan to revamp the whole series for some reasons.

I would like to take notes of the critics and improve on them.
Thank you very much! :slight_smile:

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    May '21
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    May '21
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Hii, I think it's quite nice!
But I think that you should probably add a little more detail for others hair,EG 1.2

I also think you should add a little more on how she takes revenge on others and then later on ML and FL meet cause she did something wrong(just my example)

BTW I think that you're quite good with this , keep it up! :smile:

I would give all episodes a name and not name them 1.2.
you can keep the numbers but it´s a different feeling for the reader to click on a episode
which is called "2.4 black cat" than it is to click on an episode called "2.4."

What first struck me was that the side characters are ordinary, without detail. I don't know how to express this in words exactly. But I noticed it already in the first episode when the main character passed two girls in the school corridor. Maybe you should add some originality to them? The main character has beautiful eyelashes, why didn't the two in the school corridor have them? do you see what I mean?
You definitely need to work on your anatomy. But relax, I need to too xD
Some frames look like they were made in a hurry. It's better not to rush and slowly deliver chapters of good quality. I learned this on myself, the hard way.
You still need to work on the backgrounds. I understand that it is 3d in some places. They need to be pimp-up a bit. I had to learn that in a hard way too. I myself was getting a lot of complaints that my backgrounds are weak because you can see that they are 3d. So I searched for a solution and worked on them as much as I could. It can be learned.

I like the shading, simple. which is the best. The entrance of the main character and showing his face, fact, half covered but well placed position and frame for the eyes. It charmed me.
The story itself is very interesting. Your style is original.
I like the main character, she's not a typical girl from some anime, which is a big plus because those girls are already annoying xD
I hope I helped somehow? If this is your first serious project it's very good. Don't give up. Keep drawing and drawing. With every chapter you will see changes for the better. I already saw the change when I compared the first chapter with the last one. Good job!

Oh I'm not good with coming up with names thats why I just went with the numbers ^^; Thank you I'll take note of that! :slight_smile:

Yes! I was aiming for art simplicity so making eps would be faster(Though I have the tendency to over complicate it as seen from the latest eps, I didn't mean to render it so much :sweat_01:). This is my second work in which I put more thought and preparation compared to my first one and I wanted to improve my storytelling more instead of the art.
Thank you so much for all the feedback! :smiley:

I like the premise of your webtoon but I do agree that there are some storytelling elements that could be improved to make it even better!

So I only read the first 5 chapters or so relating to the gum incident:

1) I was pretty confused with what was going on because I think the design of Maria is too similar to one of the other girls- they both have black hair and they're both wearing red. Because of that, I started getting confused as to who was who. I think this is an easy fix in the redo, just make that other girl have a different color hair and sweater to make it realllllly obvious. Especially since this is the first time we're meeting her, she needs to look really distinct.
2) I had to re-read it a couple of times to understand that the girl had put the gum in Maria's hair. That panel wasn't really clear to me.
3) I didn't understand why the guy said, "Having fun bullying girls ten years younger than you?" when Maria didn't seem to do anything that was even that scary. I like her taking out the blade in a threatening way, but I think you really could've exaggerated this moment. The blade switching out was great, but it would've been awesome to have a couple more panels where Maria gets close to the girls with the blade, really making THEM think she's going to cut them. And then do the whole sequence with the hair cutting and trash.

That makes a lot of sense! :slight_smile: I'll take note when redoing the series.

People who've read the synopsis would understand this part but not most people do that so I guess I'll have to present it in a different manner :sweat_02:
Thanks sooo much for the feedback! :smiley: