I watched The Princess and The Popstar
What I didn't know is that this is actually a "remake" of the princess and the pauper and well.
My god this movie is terrible. Funny though.
The first thing is that probably about 50% of the run time (give or take an hour) is terrible songs and/or terrible covers of pop songs. So you can already gauge what type of quality this movie is going to be, when all of the plot is thrust into 30 minutes
We open with both Princess Tori, and Popstar Keira (i think?) lamenting how they wish they could be each other, since Keira is in a musical rut, and stressed about her tour. Tori is....Well she doesn't want to write a speech she needs to present at the 500th anniversary of the town (?). That's about it. At first it really seems like Keira has the more in-depth backstory, since there's a legit reason she wants to be a princess. Girl is burnt out.
but the opening number just kinda ignores this, and focuses on Tori's struggle of not being able to wear sneakers (?) and fangirling about Keira. Keira's lyrics are just about how she wants to be served things, which doesn't seem to line up....But you know, whatever.
The Princess & Pauper version of this song is this, and while it's not too great, there's a few good lines in it (like "I'm realizing every present comes with strings" about the cost of the princess' priviledge).
We're introduced to the villain of the story who's a has-been chipmunk singer that's designed after Ace Ventura(because Ace Ventura was totally hip and happening in 2012). The actor also does a horrible imitation of Jim Carrey. He has a sidekick janitor who is just not funny. Neither of them is funny to be honest.
Moving on, Tori invites Keira to visit her in the palace, where a few royals talk about the drought affecting crops (more about this later) in the background, and some kendoll prince who was called L something. He has about 2 lines, so who gives a crap.
Tori fangirls and gives Keira a tour of the castle and they both discover they have magical items that can change clothes / hair respectively. This does nothing for the plot. I'm not exactly sure why they didn't just go the traditional route and have them be disguised just by changing clothes by, uh, doing it, instead of waving about some magical junk and glitters. It's never explained why they have these or what they are. The princess I can kind of get having magical junk, but why does the random peasant have a magic microphone?? Whatever. They change places for an hour and giggle about being OMG such girls. Empowering.
Tori then decides to share a secret with Keira, who I might remind you, SHE JUST MET, that the royal family has been guarding a magical plant that grows diamonds for as long as they've existed. There's also some fairies just because. This raises questions if the reason it's kept so secret is because it's the royal family's claim to power. I dunno, seems kinda suspect.
anyway, they decide to swap places for a few days to a horrible song, and Keira writes a really shitty song and Tori just idk goofs about. She meets some poverty stricken girls who inform her that because the drought is going on it's been bad on the wineyards. There's a pretty big problem with this, which is that in order to make good wine the grapevines need to suffer. Which is why wine grapes are cultivated in like arid places. The juicy grapes you eat make shit wine, and this is common knowledge. So wth. Plus all the plants around seem to be mediterranean and are doing real good (lush & green) so where exactly is this drought happening.
Then there's a bunch of crap and the ace ventura dude tries to steal the plant but fails and yadda yadda 50 shitty songs later happy end and Tori finally delivers her speech, wich she never actually wrote, and talks about installing an irrigation system and I'M SORRY BUT YOU MEAN TO TELL ME Y'ALL HAVE IPHONES AND SHIT BUT YOU DON'T HAVE IRRIGATION SYSTEM FOR THE CROP THAT YOUR ECONOMY DEPENDS ON WTF.