Because I'm in the house bored - link your novel/comic! [CLOSED 4 NOW COME BACK LATER]

[anmitsuu]

Hi Jen! I've gotten around to reviewing your novel so thank you for being patient with me! You are very sweet. I hope you will subscribe to my novel and enjoy it!
Chapter 1: I can tell by the first sentence that you have the same problem as I do. I often find myself writing in passive writing rather than active. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with with this (in fact it's honestly just a matter of writing style), but active writing tends to be more impactful and less confusing. For example you've written "was kneeling in the dirt carelessly" but since this is something that is taking place in the present it should be "is kneeling I the dirt carelessly". Another example of this could be when you talk about the woman smiling at him, it should be "when she smiles at him." this is totally a problem that I have myself, so honestly don't worry about it too much. Just keep an eye out for that sort of thing!
Chapter 2: Throughout the entirety of the chapters that I have read, it's very clear that your strong suit in writing is in descriptions of surroundings. I think that amazing because often times writing lacks the explanation of environment. You are able to do this really well and I can feel where the character is, like I am right beside them.
Chapter 3: Faine has an interesting dynamic because he feels guilty for killing something, but has to do it anyway for the sake of survival. I hope that this is something that you will mirror in the future, like if he has to ever kill a person/ thing for his or someone else's survival.

Btw I hope your wrist is better.

[anmitsuu]

Hello, I have decided to read Devil's Triangle!
Prologue: Very eye-catching prologue, we love to see it. This is written in a way that is engaging and I love how you've gone and decided to talk about ripples in time. Like the butterfly effect, right? I think that's a very good analogy. I also love that you've written it as the main character speaking to us, the reader. It familiarizes us with them and enables us to feel connected in a small way.
Chapter 1: I love the way you've decided to represent social media. This is often a trope that feels really overdone and is often very unpleasing to the eye as a reader, and can get cluttered. You've done it in a way that it's clear what I am reading and it's purpose. Personally I think it's a shame that your chapters are rather short. I can tell that you excel with descriptions (judging by the way you speak about the way the city looks at night) so as I reader I would want more. But I completely understand the appeal for people who want short stories that they can scroll through.
Chapter 2: Since Thomas has inner dialogue of "Normal is the new boring" I would recommend you to italicize that. That's just a personal preference though, so there's no need for you to take that advice! I love the way this chapter is completely foreshadowing what's going to happen in the future. It's very ironic!

[anmitsuu]

Please do when you have time! Also lolol love that you're on Line Webtoon as well. I would totally do that if I was a comic artist.
I personally feel as though the colored speech bubbles and colored text are a little too much aesthetic wise. It can be kind of distracting from your art, and I believe that some people who are colored blind might have a hard time distinguishing the colored background from the text. For example, the purple and green text/color combo. (Not that I'm colorblind, but it's definitely something to think about in my opinion). You've done a good job with angles/zooming in on whatever action is taking place. I feel like for you as an artist it's important to have an eagle eye (or in other words, see the scene at all angles) so you can see absolutely everything and take in all the action. I hope you continue to do this in the future!

[anmitsuu]

I can tell that over the course of however long you have been doing comics that your art style has gotten better and less messy. Although the content/ humor that you use is something that I'm not super familiar with, I can totally see the appeal for your respective audience! There are some minor issues with grammar in some of your earlier panels but it's not to the extent of taking away from the plot line, so I think it's ok! I like the comedic way in which you over exaggerate people's features and actions! The comics dialogue is something that makes for an easy and funny read.

[anmitsuu]

Yes thank you! I will totally do that lol. I'm having a popsicle as I type! (Not really, it's more like me making a mess)
Chapter 1: Elijah and Matteo's relationship is so cute. I love the way you've decided to go and write this, it already has a lot of unanswered questions that will make the reader want to continue with your novel. There's a huge ambiguity about morals in terms of Lisa's pursuit of her soulmate, and leaving her family behind. Which I love because it adds dimensions to characters that you have to think about before you fully make your mind up on loving, or disliking them.
Chapter 2: As a whole, this chapter was written better than your first one. I don't know quite how to describe it- I think it's the variation in sentence structure. Descriptions and dialogue flow better without the rigidity that you were carrying in your first chapter. I think this means growth as a writer, for sure. Despite the short time that it took place something is different about the way you are writing in this chapter.
Chapter 3: The tension in this chapter is strong and is well written out. The strain that Lisa has as well as Elijah's cordial but distant behavior. It really has the air of two people trying to raise their kid the best way they know how, despite having their distance.

[anmitsuu]

Hey, no worries! But I hope you well read it when you have time :)!
I love that you have experimented with different angles as you do action scenes. You are able to move from scene to scene very fluidly and this allows for me to feel more interested in your comic. I can especially appreciate that images don't feel static (if that makes sense). You shift the topic of focus depending on who is speaking through your art, and shift the points of view at crucial scenes. I love how you've illustrated and shaded Wreck's powers, it feels really three dimensional with the illumination of the purple glow (if that makes sense). It looks like real, authentic electricity sparking. You experiment with lighting as well as you shift from character to character, which is a really lovely touch because you are staying true to how that light would look in real life. Great job!

[anmitsuu]

Yes, I see that you have subbed! Thank you for your comment, lolol!
Chapter 1: I feel as though you tend to over explain some of your writing. It tends to fluctuate, but it feels awkward when you keep reiterating that the "cloaked stranger" is speaking to "the boy". It's pretty clear who is saying what so you only need to repeat yourself every now and then, not every other line. In addition to that your capitalization of dialogue keeps changing. Sometimes you forget to capitalize the beginning of sentences. Saul is a funny character, I love how chill he is.
Chapter 2: Again errors with capitalization. I feel like there's a lot going on in this chapter that can bet written with a little bit more structure and flow. It feels like it's going 100 miles per hour and there isn't enough explanation for some readers to keep up.
Chapter 3: I love what you've done with this chapter. You've provided really good details as to what is going on and have a good amount of text describing environment and sensations. You've used 'yelled' a lot throughout the text and I would highly suggest using another synonym perhaps "hollered". Also, I would recommend you to describe the "princess bride fashion" hold.

[anmitsuu]

First off thank you for the spam of likes on my novel! Much appreciated T^T
Chapter 1: OK wOW the illustrations here, and on your cover are absolutely gorgeous I am in love. A very well written fight scene straight off the bat is a perfect example of a good writer. I often feel like battle scenes lack in both diversity and entertainment in writing, but yours kept me hooked and engaged. It takes a lot for writing to be able to leave someone anticipating for more, and you've done a great job at doing that in the first chapter.
Chapter 2: You say that she struggled with sleep as a child but I would highly suggest writing a little bit about how that would effect her life. For someone like Wrath to constantly be on guard, worrying about certain things, never sleeping without hesitation is something I would imagine could destroy someone apart. Both physically, and mentally. Since you're an excellent writer I feel that this is something that you could play into really well.
Chapter 3: These two are really cute. I wish someone like that would just sit in front of me and strike up a conversation like we were old friends. I love the chemistry here, dialogue feels natural. Blue eyed boy has pretty privilege for sure, lolol.

[anmitsuu]

I've gone and read Blade Quest!
Chapter 1: There's a lot of different questions that are left unanswered for this chapter. Some are for the sake of ambiguity I am assuming ( for exampled the monster that they are being chased by, or the heist that they are performing) but others I feel can be explained (what a Monere is, and maybe how much they are getting paid?) I think that this is a great chase sequence to begin your novel on that really shows the characters individual personality (who is more catious, who is more brash, etc...)
Chapter 2: You say land of the Homid, but what exactly is that? I would love some more explanation on this (or perhaps it is a typo). The dialogue feels a little unnatural here because it's our first time meeting Glenn. Since they are arguing, it would make sense if you explaining the animosity between them. It just seems a little out of nowhere that she would make a comment like that.
Chapter 3: I enjoyed this sequence of training as it feels really well fleshed out, with people being introduced and good dialogue. Love that everyone know Lyn to the extent that they figured the weapon is broken again.

[anmitsuu]

Just starting out, I feel that your "Meet the characters" page should come first. I'm not sure whether you can change the organization of chapters on Tapas but it feels very out of nowhere, I would much prefer for the introduction to come first rather than two pages in. It just feels like a little bit of an abrupt transition. This is just a personal preference but I think that for sound effects like 'groan' it would be better for you to exclude them from the speech bubble itself but instead take them out and have the sound exist as it's own sound effect. You know, how like in comics they put 'bang' as it's own sound effect? I love the simple nature of the comic itself and how the character interact with each other. I also love how easy the plot is to follow along with, it makes for an easy read.

[anmitsuu]

Hey, thanks for the sub! I just subbed to yours as well.
I love the character introduction sequence to her family and her life before everything that is going on. I think you've done a good job in recreating those memories and making us alongside the main character feel nostalgic, and look back on these memories with warmth. I love how within a short period of time you can already see everyone's respective personalities and how the view things, or how they behave. It feels very authentic. Sometimes I feel that your content is a little short for a new chapter, for example the crow as an omen. You've dedicated an entire chapter without any of the main characters, or any dialogue.

[anmitsuu]

Monkey Moo, lol. Idk why that's as funny as it is. The character straight off the bat is pretty relatable, I think it's funny that he's looking for his name on the internet as that's totally something I do when I come up with character names. I love that you included the explanation/synopsis of your comic in the first chapter, that's something that I don't see a lot of people do but is something I feel, can be important in determining whether someone wants to read your comic or not. I feel bad for Monkey, lolol he's so under-appreciated as a vigilante. Overall, a eye-catching start to a comic!

[RyzaCobalion]

@anmitsuu Your welcome and Thank you for commenting and Criticing my series.

Chapter 1: XD yeah I think it's time I should rewrite chapter one because if you look when I released that chapter. It is outdated and I have improved my writing a lot since then. and sometimes i overlook some capitalizations and I don't notice it until something of my readers point it out in the comments. XD Also yeah Saul is pretty chill at first because he's basically your average joe type of character. But as the story goes, he's gonna go through a lot of changes. Some for the best and some for the worst.

Chapter 2: i should have fixed the pacing of it ages ago. At the time I was more worried about characteristics limits and wondering ave i made too much or too little? So i basically typed as i could with that chapter should give it revision. Hopefully, no one will notice the difference when I revise it.

Chapter 3: this chapter I probably spend more time careful typing the world-building and the action that is going. Because i wanted to set up what the world is like when Saul entered it and he will be spending a lot of time in the demonic than in the human realm. And hollered I never heard let alone used it in a sentence before. So i will try to and replace some of the yell with hollered. XD and "princess bride fashion" was just him being carried like a princess in need of rescue at that scene. XD but then quickly turns into a prisoner when he was dropped from the sky.

Conclusion: i always love it whenever i get the chance of getting my series critiqued of what i did right and wrong. How can i improve? Etcetera. Because to be honest my series is not perfect and nor will it ever be. it shows how much flaws i have and how much i still need to learn to be a better writer. So thank you for your time to reading it. I don't know if you're interested in reading further that's great but if not that's also fine. And i do plan on turning it into a comic series in the near future. And it's getting there XD but uhhh.... very slowly as seen with these characters draw out in medibang. The first pic is Saul and the second is Sara

[anmitsuu]

There are a grammar errors within the chapters that I have read that interrupt the flow of your dialogue or explanations. They do not distract enough for me to forget what is going on. However, I would highly recommend you go through these just to try and change them. I often find that people tend to drop comics with grammar mistakes. Just some of the following, but there are others - "human tried to solve" "humans tried to solve" or "human not fight alone", "humans not fight alone". The art itself is very good and I love the way you've decided to shade things, it totally reminds me of a specific art style for some older japanese comics. I love the action sequences that you've decided to do as well, they're really well drawn and well thought out.

[anmitsuu]

The line work in some of your earlier chapters can be a bit distracting and cluttered for people to figure out what is going on. I totally get needing to shade- but some lines are too much and make it hard to see what exactly is going on without squinting. You occasionally forget to put question marks or periods at the ends of sentences, but it's not to the point that it's extremely distracting. I enjoy the font that you've chosen for your text, it really matches and compliments your drawing style. Your art reminds me of this one comic that I used to read as a kid... I totally forgot the name (it had something to do with these pirates in space) but it feels really nostalgic and familiar to me as a reader. I love how long you've made some of your chapters, you can totally tell that there was a lot of time and effort put into drawing it! Great job.

[ivanskilling]

Thank you so much for the feedback!
I'm glad to hear the prologue is engaging! I've always been concerned that it's not a good enough hook for readers. So hearing that makes me relieved!

Lol yeah the first few chapters are pretty short to introduce the setting and retain the mystery regarding the characters. It gets longer after that!

Oh thanks for pointing that out! I'll consider whether I should italicize personal thoughts in later chapters.

[anmitsuu]

It is very hard to get views as a novel writer on this site, lol. But you've just started, so there is no need to panic! I look forward to seeing you grow as a writer. Thank you for the subscribe btw, I hope you enjoy my novel.
Chapter 1: Some of the words here flow rather awkwardly. When you write "echoed in my mind for the longest time" it is not a full sentence, as you are missing the subject. This chapter is lacking in description, you threw in the adjective resplendent but never explain what these colors are. Why are they resplendent? Do they shine like the of gold? The hue of a purple amethyst? Etc Etc. If you lack in description for your first chapter, people will not want to continue with your story. There's a lot going on in this chapter that needs more description and explanation. Why does our main character feel like this is a long time coming? Why did the place feel hollow?
Chapter 2: You tend to separate each sentence through actions. I would recommend you to combine the series of actions in one paragraph (for example when she peeks outside the window, you should write in the same paragraph that she closes it) (same thing for when she talks about her family). It makes for an easier, and less awkward read. Illyana tends to voice her thoughts out loud a lot, lolol. She is cute.

[Daisy]

thank you for your criticism. i appreciate it. oh no, the popsicle! make sure you have a towel next to you or else ants will come marching for the mess.

[miss.monocle]

Thank you so much! I try to take the drawing and coloring of my panels really seriously, so I'm glad that the attention to detail on the lighting as well as character angles has paid off! I love playing with dynamic lighting too, so glowy electricity is a favorite of mine!

[anmitsuu]

I love how long your chapters are and how much thought you put into the characters. I also love that you included little descriptions about who they are towards the end of your chapter, I feel like that's a nice personal touch that makes them feel more real. Why does Gromley totally look like the heartless from Kingdom of Hearts, you feel me? I love it lolol I'm so here 4 this old man. I love you've gone and played with lighting. Especially during action scenes, everything feels really dynamic and well thought out. At times feel dark but this totally plays with the ambience, and feel for where the comic is taking place. Great job!