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PablitoDefendr
Apr '19

I appreciate any feedback given, both positive and negative. My apologies for this comic being strictly webtoon, I am more fimilar with webtoon than tapas so I use it more often.

  • created

    Apr '19

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    Apr '19
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paintbrushtales
Apr '19

Hey! So I just read through the episodes you have up, and I love the concept. My suggestions would be to avoid repeating words so much, and maybe add bold outlines and a bit of shading to your characters. I love the character designs, and your sky was quite good.

Refugnic
Apr '19

Good afternoon.

I took a quick glance at the comic you are promoting here.
As a bit of a disclaimer, I'm not a comic artist myself (I'm more of a writing guy), so please do not expect me to give you any tips on the art.

Unfortunately there isn't all that much to go on quite yet, but you are off to a good start by raising a few important questions up front.

  1. Why do supernaturals need to be isolated anyway?
  2. Why does the CEO even want to live in that city to begin with?

I believe it would be a good idea to answer these questions early, while raising other interesting questions along the way.

My first guesses as to why:
1. Many supernaturals have no control over their power or they use it for the detriment of mankind, which lead to an atmosphere of animosity and fear...so in order to prevent a civil war/witch hunt (seeing how they apparently look a lot like humans), they are being locked away...often without ever having done any wrong, which only adds to the social pressure.
I mean, you wouldn't like being treated like a criminal without ever having committed a crime, would you?

  1. This one is more tricky, simply because I have literally nothing to go on here.
    There are a number of reasons why someone would want to move, the most likely ones I can formulate off the top of my head:

a) A special friend. He might have someone special that needs to be in the city and wants to be near them.
b) He wants to experience the conditions of the city as part of the city, so he can tackle its problems more efficiently.

A is the more natural option, because, as we've already established, he's risking life and limb just walking those streets...that'd be very brave (or very stupid, the line is very slim between these two) of him.

Also, for Mr. Portal: Terrible choice in clothing there, he's begging for people to stare at him dressed like that...for someone who wants to stay under the radar, he might do well do look a little less like the MIB.

I hope this helps a little. :slight_smile:

PablitoDefendr
Apr '19

Dan, aka "Portal" (an alias given to him due to the dissapearance of supernaturals) is just your friendly neighborhood gangster. I ntentionally gave him that look.

I cannot easily explain why the supernaturals need to be isolated, but it is mostly because of the prosecution of supernaturals by the government's of the world.
Think of the supernaturals as somthing does not cannot exist in real life, such as people with supernatural abilities ("superhumans", witches/wizards, werewolves, etc) also mythical creatures (Demons, monsters, and even half-humans/half-another creature)

As for living in the city, it is to research on the supernaturals, and to understand them better. Why he don't send a lower ranking person is because of his ignorance , and wanting to become possibly "closer" to the supernaturals.

Refugnic
Apr '19

I see...so how does 'your friendly neighborhood gangster' get to be CEO of a, apparently, very powerful, quite possibly multinational organization that is tasked with the fate of so many different citizens?

And yes, I kinda figured you gave him that look on purpose, why else would you have drawn him that way after all, I just meant to say that his dress code isn't exactly...blending in with his surroundings.

I would expect him to run into trouble sooner rather than later looking like that.

Yes, that was pretty much exactly what I assumed under the collective term 'Supernatural'.

'Research' them you say...that would imply that he has a scholarly interest in them, however I do think that there are plenty of smarter people who also take a great interest in the origin of these creatures.

I'll keep it with 'stupid' for the time being then. :smiley:
Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with a stupid protagonist. On the contrary, that just means there's plenty of room for him to grow. :wink:

PablitoDefendr
Apr '19

I would say he is both intelligent and stupid. Intelligent with running a business, stupid with interacting with supernaturals and other humans in general. I did not intend on making him a 200 IQ character who can get out of any problem with intelligence.

What else can I say, I needed a character flaw

Refugnic
Apr '19

Actually, a lot of very smart people are surprisingly stupid.

That's because there isn't 'one intelligence' in this world, but an untold number of different intelligences.
Especially if you define 'Intelligence' as the ability to solve a problem (preferably in a non-violent way).

For example, there is social intelligence, with which you get along just fine with other people.
Doesn't mean that you can solve math problems.

Then there's academic intelligence.
Just because you can memorize about any formula and maybe even apply it, that doesn't mean you can socialize well.

I for one am very good with logical problems and with memorizing (mostly useless) stuff.
But I suck at marketing (which is one of the reasons why I have a total of 10 subs on my story despite it being about 70 chapters long right now).

Us humans are natural specialists.
We excel at something, but suck at another.
That is why we need to work together to achieve greatness.

And Dan would do well to understand that as well...because no matter how smart of strong he is, he cannot solve the problems of that city of his all by himself.

But who knows, he might well be the pebble that derails the stone that is constantly spiraling downwards.

jensrichard77In the making of Bunneh The Rabbit
Apr '19

Eh. I just think it is a good start.
All the other stuff everyone here says is awesome feedback that I can’t compete with.

Good job