May 2018
9 / 149
May 2018
Aug 2020
lynestjules
May '18
Daknight

Thanks a lot. It's a very good review with some great cc tips. Always appreciated. It helps me grow.

Art
Thanks for the feedback on my art. Especially about the colouring. I'm going to try to focus more on eyebrows now and working on the poses and whatnot. I try to challenge myself on every chapter to get better.

Writing
I'm going to try to slow down things a little in this upcoming chapter as there's going to be a lot of things happening that will hopefully tie things together that seem a little scattered at the moment, but it was planned to be that way. Also going to work on those bubbles, I've noticed the problem with the speech bubbles as well, when I read my hard copies over last weekend. I completely understand why it needs to be fixed.

Paneling
I get it. I'll try to minimize the inside paneling. As for spacing, I know on Tapas and Webtoons it's on the web, but it's actually a hard copy comic book and the pages are print ready. But, I'll still check out that tip on Webtoons.

Story

I know there's a lot of backstory missing, but it's not for now. The births of the girls is a very important factor and a very complicated one. There's planned moments where those missing pieces will be explained. But, it's out of place to tell them at this particular moment. Chapter 4 will definitely be slowed down quite a bit, because there's going far too much information to pay attention to.
Hopefully the delivery won't disappoint. And I got myself a proofer to go over my spelling. I'm francophone and even if I'm bilingual, sometimes I make mistakes.

TheFalseVyper
May '18
Daknight

Thank you so much for the advice!

I see where you're coming from with adding more ellipsis, especially with page 24 you mentioned.

As for paneling, I do want to have a hard copy of my comic one day, so I stuck with the single page format, but believe me, I do feel the draw backs. There are a ton of things I could have done with the webcomic format such as the one you mentioned with page 3. That would have been so cool! And I will, unfortunately, never have the chance to appear in a Daily Snack as those are usually reserved for comics with the typical down scrolling format.

It made me so happy to see that you're already a reader, that really brought a smile to my face :slight_smile:

ChitaIn the making of Bunneh The Rabbit
May '18

I’m a newbie at giving critiques, but I’ll try my best!

ART
Your art has improved so much since the first chapters! The shaky lineart has transformed into smooth confident lines, also the way looks better since there is a wide variety of color using also some desaturated tones, you have taken a good grasp of light and shadows, you shading fits with the source of light rather than just darkening the same places. The way you draw poses is very good and they don’t seem off even with different perspectives. Maybe it can improve even more with some quick anatomy studies, I have tried them and they are pretty fun to do.
I agree with thefalsevyper with the background thing, it looks much better when you draw it instead of using a 3d program.

WRITING
I love the font that you’re using, it looks super smooth and it is very comfortable to read. Sometimes I get the feeling that the speach bubbles’ tails are too short and wide and the lines that connect different bubbles (for example in en. 13 when Rac is being criticized) are too thick. I think that if you made them thinner it would look better. I can’t help on grammar cause English isn’t my first language (I you haven’t guessed it by now XD), but I find the dialogue easy to follow.

PANNELING
The vertical scroll format you’re using is very cool and gives you many great resources to play with pacing and flow. I think you could take more advantage of it by exaggerating more the gap between scenes to slow the action or for dramatic moments, or reduce it a lot to give a feeling of speed.

STORY
As far as I had read I’m really enjoying your comic, it has some really funny moments. All of your characters have an unique personality and quirks (I’m specially fond of Morph’s awful luck) that creates a light atmosphere.

I like your comic and i think that it’s a great beginning and looks very promising, and I hope that I could be of some help. Can’t wait to see more!

Here’s mine if you want to check it:

Daknight
May '18

@lynestjules Ah sorry should had put the disclaimer that if it was from publish or meant to be publish then the whole webtoon paneling format is a bit of a null point. Still hope the rest of the review helps and look foward to more :smiley:

@TheFalseVyper Yeah, is a bit hard to use the other method for comic (the page turn) cause since is a page update each certain time making a reader wait for the 'reveal' might make them more mad than happy lol I seen some traditional style comic in the daily snack so don't lose hope. Your comic is great and deserves a spot there!

@Chita Thanks for the review and yeah moving away from sketchup was a welcome change to myself and it actually has help me improve :smiley: I'll try the anatomy quick study since is something I indeed need improvement. I'll try getting the review out soon, I actually had read your comic before and I am sub, but I like to re-read some aspect and give a good second look for a proper review. Is sadly about 11 pm here right now and my brain is fried from the day xP I hope you don't mind waiting for tommorrow for proper review :smiley:

A-weird-girler
May '18

Heya! Here's my review: It has a good story but it often has grammar and spelling errors. The paneling is kind of disruptive at times and sometimes the art appears shaky. I suggest checking out the png vs jpeg on the Tapas creator's guide. The lines could use some work too. The positives are the character designs. They're pretty awesome.
Here's mine.

Daknight
May '18

@Chita Here is my review :smiley:

-Art-

I love your backgrounds, you can tell the care you take on each one. A market place is one of that hard places to get right (lots of people, movement and variety of things all around) and you did it well. I notice the line art can sometimes be a bit shaky or lines overlap while in others they are smooth, a bit of consistancy there and I belive your line art will become better :smiley: Love the variety of expression you use and they all look great!

-Writting-

I belive you should try to use fonts instead of handwritting (I am assuming it is hand written). It can be really hard to read sometimes and fixing a typo someone might points out is more of a hassle. I like your prologue, it explain enough without and over abundance of text. I do like the ammount of text you have, not to much, but good enough to follow the story and good use of 'sound effects' all around.

-Paneling-

Again this is me thinking on the webcomic format. But from now on I'll review it for webcomic and manga as this is in the preference of the creator.

For webcomic a vertical way is better, it helps in the spacing of moments and foir easy reading. You have a manga style one and the reading has been good, I haven't seen any big reveal that would benefit from the format of webcomic so I don't think changing your paneling is need. I will say that maybe leaving 'breathing' space between panels will help. Really close panels cause claustrophobic feeling which is actually a great effect to use in tense and action moments, reason is best to space them out in normal moments and use the tight close together ones for more tense moments.

-Story-

I really like the back story setting to everything, it explains the lore in good detail without over exposing everything. It set up the main character perfectly as she is the only thing that matter (in her mind that is) and that is great set up. Not much else has happen so can't tell much about the development of the story but my interest is picked by the prologue and potential.

-Character-

I added this category as besides story, the main characters themself are just as important. I like how you set up the personality of the main character thru actions and interactions instead of telling it. Showing the personality is a great way to establish a character! :smiley:

I hope to see more of it as I love the design of the city and characters! Hope this helps you and motivates you to keep going!

Daknight
May '18

@A-weird-girler Thank you for your time and points, trying to fix the grammar in parts, the first chapters are bad in this regard indeed. I know the lines where shaky in the first, but I think I fix them (still need work but no shaky) after say episode 8, but I'll keep improving them (need to work on thickness and other parts). Here is my review of yours:

-Art-

I did read about the different art style representing a different view (At least that is what is said in the description?) but it was still hard to find why and who the switch represented. The comic starts in one style (no outline and just colors), then is a different saturation of colors and with outline, then the third is a different style and then back to the outline which is the one constant for now. I do like the idea, but I think is best to use some transition panels if the change in art style represent a change of view.

I think the head to body proportions feels a bit off in some aspect, or at least the feel a bit off.

I do love your various expression and that panels all offer a subtle but noticeable movement if everything is happen at the same moment, which is really good to know the characters way of thinking or why they are saying something.

-Writting-

I notice someone already mention this, but I think circle bubbles will be better. Most reader already have the mental picture that a square box is more like a narrator speaking or an establishing moment than actual converstation. I also think there is a lot of text at times Example is Chapter 1 Ep 10. She repeats 'in the beginning' three times. I know there is a way of writing that is 'énfasis' where things are repeated, but not sure it works here. I think sometimes less tells more than having a lot of text.

-Story-

I like the mystery planted from the start about she being a patient, about there past interactions and course wanting to learn more about the circumstances of everyone as there is a large variety of cast. Is an interesting case to tackle (mental health among other things) that is not as easy so I look foward to development of the interactions!

Hope this helps you out! :smiley:

beta1042
May '18

Hey Dak, I'm not used to doing reviews but here are my suggestions/thoughts:

Art- I think it's great to see so much improvement from the first ep to the last. I think what you comic could benefit from is more variety in the angles and/or poses you choose. I feel there are a lot of front facing poses and it would be nice to see more poses were the characters are engaged with eachother, looking and talking and interacting with eachother, That said I do feel you have been doing this more in recent chapters.

Another thing I think could help, things that are really far in the background in addition to blurring them you may want to soften them by making them less saturated or less dark in comparison to the people in the front. This helps the people pop. Otherwise the details of the background can draw attention away from the people. (obviously if you want the background to be the main focus you wouldn't do this tho.)

Writing/Story(sorta comments on both)- The flow is sometimes off. Some scenes I feel need more build up, and some scenes need more context. I also would have liked more explanation at the beginning. Why did the character decide to enroll in the school? More explanation for the powers the characters have. And overall more world building before just jumping into the comedy. I felt like a lot of these topics were rushed into and it makes for a rocky start that is harder to follow. I am enjoying the juvenile developments of the characters tho and the overall lighthearted nature of the comic. It gives me a good chuckle that the name is BRA.

Paneling - this seems to be improving quite a bit. But touching up on the writing feedback, there needs to be more panels to portray certain concepts. Also I feel like there could be more variation on where you place your panels. Like have some panels that are shifted to the right, some on the left, some in the middle. This causes the eyes to shift around the comic more and add some aesthetics. It also allows you to play with the placement of the speech balloons more, again the goal being that the eyes jump around the page.

Daknight
May '18

Man, I never thought on the blur aspect on the backgrounds! That is just a brilliant tip O_O I was always fighting how to blend them in a bit more to make the characters stand out! I am actually engaging in more angles indeed, I notice I was doing the similar stale 'look foward or side ways' and it makes scene lack a certain movement.

Yeah, I think I should had done a prologue instead of waiting for the moment this is explain since is a bit further ahead.I notice my first chapters 'arcs' don't deal with the super natural aspect to much which makes people start to wonder about their powers among other reasons xP I think I'll work on that prologue or an in between chapter!

I am actually glad for the webtoon contest cause it brought in a LOT of tips on paneling that I am so going to use! I fall in the pit that I draw and work on the manga standard format and then split it up for webcomic standard.

I'll be reviewing yours shortly (finishing some panels). I actually began reading a manga that reminds me so much of your comic (the main characters has roses flying around that bothers everyone, etc). I only went 'They copied chase!' xP

Daknight
May '18

@beta1042 Here is my full review, I'll be touching on thing I said in my first overview :smiley:

-Art-

I still say your gradual improvement is amazing. You started with shaky lines, pre-made backgrounds that clash a bit and lack of shadows. Now your line are so clean and good proportion in thickness depending on the distance and better use of colors (better saturation and variety). You are tackling backgrounds yourself and they are coming out nicely, yet I still find the character somethings feel like they float in the background. I think use of 'darker' shade close to there feet might help in that aspect to connect them a bit more to the backgrounds (Expecially floor spaces).

Also speaking of shadows, I re-read a few chapters (start, middle and end) and notice there isn't much change in how the shadows are cast across. I think changing them up a bit, expecially if is a face to face conversation where the light is cast to face of someone while to the other the light is cast from behind. It hasn't affect the story or anything, but for future it might help (Especially in the chapter were Ben is kind of trying to get with Gwen in a way she is not liking it, it might had work a bit more to show it was an uncomftable situation).

Otherwise your improvement is quite noticible and welcome! I really like your style :smiley:

-Writting-

Another big improvement, on the first a lot of text was used (which is of course understandable since is setting up episode), but now the text are all concrete and easy to follow and gives all the information we need as the rest we can tell by the characters expression or setting.

Really like the different bubble colors per character, it makes it easy to know who said what, specially in parts where that are multiple characters around. I also like that you kept it simply on the font and use two at most, the normal talk one and a cursive like one for 'special' text or effects. Works really well.

-Story-

I am really, really glad this isn't the usual 'After 100 episode...they finally hold hands...100 episode more and they finally confess...50 episode more and an answer is receive!'. I like the fact they become a couple early but still have struggles and of course the people around that this affect. Is good to have a story which is about the relationship and not on 'how they became a couple'.

I like you make sure to devotee an episode to a character when they are introduce or re-appear after awhile to get us interested on them. I remember you once ask me that you were afraid if it was to predictable on who ends with who and I still stand by that in a romance story that isn't the important part, but the how and when and what. We want to know how they end up together and the struggles they face to get there and of course the struggles they face as a couple.

You are doing a fine job there, introducing the one that might want to break them up and someone that will try to get to know Gwen more and of course the internal turmoil of Manson.

-Characters-

Chase is hand down a great character, the sparkle idea gives it a nice touch of comedy that works amazing. His curiosity for most thing we take as normal or natural is quite interesting too.

Mason as the best friend with a bit of complex that girls use him to get to chase is nice. We know this hurts him a lot and make him a bit weary of girls approaching him, but he still a good friend to Mason.

Gwen and Fi are great two, they fit like a glove in Fi being the more rebel risky one and Gwen the more calm passive but with her own touch of passion and courage. The other cast have appear less, but Ben role is establish perfectly and he does such a good job at it xP Valerie is also good and an interesting rival with a bit of mystery on why she hates Gwen so much.

-Overall-

I love that you kept improving as you continue your story as it shows the care and interest you have in telling it. Great cast of characters and a nice romance story :smiley: I'll keep reading it for a long time! :smiley:

ChitaIn the making of Bunneh The Rabbit
May '18
Daknight

Aaaw, thank you so much for the amazing review! I’m trying to improve my lineart and backgrounds, and I have started using a lettering font in the next chapter, the thing s that I don’t have time to edit all the other pages XD.
I’m super flattered about the character thing, one of my goals is to show more instead of just telling and if you think that about Flare it seems that I’m on the good path.
Thanks again!!!:heart:

Daknight
May '18

@A-weird-girler Ah ok, got it xP We all have those kind of mistakes (I wish I could change the background in my first ones, but it would mean to just redraw everything xP)

@Chita Nice, look foward to those changes then :smiley: Glad you went with font lettering :smiley:

Daknight
May '18

I open this awhile ago and was more in a 'review for review' but in all honesty I just wanted to review other peoples work and not necessary get mine review as well. I wouldn't mind a review, but is not needed for me to review yours :smiley: I just want to help people out, specially now with the contest going on around webtoons and tapas!

leecomics
May '18

@Daknight Seeing your last response, feel free to review mine.
I'm very new to writing/drawing comics and your critique is welcome!

(reads right to left)

frixelkind
May '18

I would really appreciate a review of my work! I don’t have much to offer but if there is anything I can do in return please let me know!

It probably gets a little draining to read so if you find yourself getting bored you’re more than free to skip to the end!

Thank you!

Daknight
May '18
leecomics

Here is my review:

-Art-

The story seem like it be a bit more battle/adult like yet the art feel chibi format in a way. Nothing bad with that by the way, but I think most that will read action/battle like story might expect a different style of art. Still not suggesting for you to change art style, this one was more of an opinion.

I would consider using variety of line thickness, usually the outline of character and important thing is thicker, the inside lines a bit less to distinguish and create some depth. This will also help with distinguishing the background and characters, more so giving your comic is in a grayscale format.

Giving that I am loving the variety of backgrounds and the variety of perspectives views, it feel likes we are indeed moving around the city towards a location.

Another tip is regarding battle and movement, try to use more speedlines to created the illusion of movement and to bring attention to a special place (say when throwing a punch, highlight the punch being thrown, etc).

-Writting-

I like the flow of text you have, is easy to follow what is suppose to be next that you read (natural order). This are the first chapters so a lot of text is normal to created the setting, lore and of course to get to know the characters. You didn't overwhelm with text as you space it out well, so continue doing that. Your font selection is also good, is easy to read!

-Paneling-

I like the amount of panels you have, I would space them out a bit more (at least the one below as the one that are more continuation like from the last are perfect side to side). This gives them a bit of breathing room and is easier to focus on each one when reading and will allow you to control the speech bubbles a bit better.

-Story-

I am liking the setting and world building the first two chapter introduce as well as the undermine parts of creo people being seeing as 'bad' but not said outright. Great first battle to give a glimpse about the powers and why some people can become valkyries. Is just starting out so not much that can be said, but it has a promising start and interesting lore around it :smiley:

Hope to keep seeing more and keep the good work!

mappypaint
May '18

Mine is really long, one page short of 400. If that's too long then you can try review the later parts (maybe part 6 or 7).

While you're not requiring a review back, I won't feel right if it's just me on the receiving end. Since you're gonna learn about my characters if you review it, then I can ask them to do their own reviews for your comic. It will be a lot different to usual reviews and if you did learn about my characters then their review will make sense. ^u^

Daknight
May '18
frixelkind

Here is it!

-Art-

I see your art is constantly evolving chapter by chapter in a good way and of course you use a lot of different style depending on what is been address. Love the contrast of grey dark on the big brother as if carrying a huge problem and constant worry to the color fill little brother without a care in the world (even when he had a troubled childhood). This contrast is nice, as well as the part on the 'nightmare' like feel in the last two chapters.

I am not sure on the lines sometimes, they feel incomplete while other they are complete in the same frame, so can't put it as it being part of the different art style. I think completed lines would work best, but otherwise really interesting and good style.

-Writing-

I normally say to use font...but the hand writing like style actually works the best with your story and art. A plus that is easy to read as well actually. I like how easy is to follow the text and there isn't an over abundance of text either. They are straight to the point even when the subject matter is actually quite heavy you let the art 'speak' the rest of the details which is really good.

-Paneling-

This all close up panels work giving the story actually, I haven't seen a none tense moment so having all the panels so close to each other or there actually being no gap work in giving a 'no breathing' feeling cause of all the tension.

If there is ever a non tense more normal moment I would suggest spacing those panels out to keep the tension feeling for when those tense moments return.

-Story-

This is a rather heavy story with a lot...a LOT of under tone spread around. You are managing this perfectly with the variety of colors (completely grey for past), color for the little brother, grayish colors for the brother and his worries. Is great to use the art itself to help the story and not just use text. I would try to add some more normal moments in between instead of constant tension/worry/problem to make them feel more impactful in the long run.

Hope to see more as it actually pretty great overall. As for in return, check out my comic and comment would be more than enough :smiley: (no need to review).