17 / 149
May 2018

Man, I never thought on the blur aspect on the backgrounds! That is just a brilliant tip O_O I was always fighting how to blend them in a bit more to make the characters stand out! I am actually engaging in more angles indeed, I notice I was doing the similar stale 'look foward or side ways' and it makes scene lack a certain movement.

Yeah, I think I should had done a prologue instead of waiting for the moment this is explain since is a bit further ahead.I notice my first chapters 'arcs' don't deal with the super natural aspect to much which makes people start to wonder about their powers among other reasons xP I think I'll work on that prologue or an in between chapter!

I am actually glad for the webtoon contest cause it brought in a LOT of tips on paneling that I am so going to use! I fall in the pit that I draw and work on the manga standard format and then split it up for webcomic standard.

I'll be reviewing yours shortly (finishing some panels). I actually began reading a manga that reminds me so much of your comic (the main characters has roses flying around that bothers everyone, etc). I only went 'They copied chase!' xP

@beta1042 Here is my full review, I'll be touching on thing I said in my first overview :smiley:

-Art-

I still say your gradual improvement is amazing. You started with shaky lines, pre-made backgrounds that clash a bit and lack of shadows. Now your line are so clean and good proportion in thickness depending on the distance and better use of colors (better saturation and variety). You are tackling backgrounds yourself and they are coming out nicely, yet I still find the character somethings feel like they float in the background. I think use of 'darker' shade close to there feet might help in that aspect to connect them a bit more to the backgrounds (Expecially floor spaces).

Also speaking of shadows, I re-read a few chapters (start, middle and end) and notice there isn't much change in how the shadows are cast across. I think changing them up a bit, expecially if is a face to face conversation where the light is cast to face of someone while to the other the light is cast from behind. It hasn't affect the story or anything, but for future it might help (Especially in the chapter were Ben is kind of trying to get with Gwen in a way she is not liking it, it might had work a bit more to show it was an uncomftable situation).

Otherwise your improvement is quite noticible and welcome! I really like your style :smiley:

-Writting-

Another big improvement, on the first a lot of text was used (which is of course understandable since is setting up episode), but now the text are all concrete and easy to follow and gives all the information we need as the rest we can tell by the characters expression or setting.

Really like the different bubble colors per character, it makes it easy to know who said what, specially in parts where that are multiple characters around. I also like that you kept it simply on the font and use two at most, the normal talk one and a cursive like one for 'special' text or effects. Works really well.

-Story-

I am really, really glad this isn't the usual 'After 100 episode...they finally hold hands...100 episode more and they finally confess...50 episode more and an answer is receive!'. I like the fact they become a couple early but still have struggles and of course the people around that this affect. Is good to have a story which is about the relationship and not on 'how they became a couple'.

I like you make sure to devotee an episode to a character when they are introduce or re-appear after awhile to get us interested on them. I remember you once ask me that you were afraid if it was to predictable on who ends with who and I still stand by that in a romance story that isn't the important part, but the how and when and what. We want to know how they end up together and the struggles they face to get there and of course the struggles they face as a couple.

You are doing a fine job there, introducing the one that might want to break them up and someone that will try to get to know Gwen more and of course the internal turmoil of Manson.

-Characters-

Chase is hand down a great character, the sparkle idea gives it a nice touch of comedy that works amazing. His curiosity for most thing we take as normal or natural is quite interesting too.

Mason as the best friend with a bit of complex that girls use him to get to chase is nice. We know this hurts him a lot and make him a bit weary of girls approaching him, but he still a good friend to Mason.

Gwen and Fi are great two, they fit like a glove in Fi being the more rebel risky one and Gwen the more calm passive but with her own touch of passion and courage. The other cast have appear less, but Ben role is establish perfectly and he does such a good job at it xP Valerie is also good and an interesting rival with a bit of mystery on why she hates Gwen so much.

-Overall-

I love that you kept improving as you continue your story as it shows the care and interest you have in telling it. Great cast of characters and a nice romance story :smiley: I'll keep reading it for a long time! :smiley:

Aaaw, thank you so much for the amazing review! I’m trying to improve my lineart and backgrounds, and I have started using a lettering font in the next chapter, the thing s that I don’t have time to edit all the other pages XD.
I’m super flattered about the character thing, one of my goals is to show more instead of just telling and if you think that about Flare it seems that I’m on the good path.
Thanks again!!!:heart:

@A-weird-girler Ah ok, got it xP We all have those kind of mistakes (I wish I could change the background in my first ones, but it would mean to just redraw everything xP)

@Chita Nice, look foward to those changes then :smiley: Glad you went with font lettering :smiley:

I open this awhile ago and was more in a 'review for review' but in all honesty I just wanted to review other peoples work and not necessary get mine review as well. I wouldn't mind a review, but is not needed for me to review yours :smiley: I just want to help people out, specially now with the contest going on around webtoons and tapas!

@Daknight Seeing your last response, feel free to review mine.
I'm very new to writing/drawing comics and your critique is welcome!

(reads right to left)

I would really appreciate a review of my work! I don’t have much to offer but if there is anything I can do in return please let me know!

It probably gets a little draining to read so if you find yourself getting bored you’re more than free to skip to the end!

Thank you!

Here is my review:

-Art-

The story seem like it be a bit more battle/adult like yet the art feel chibi format in a way. Nothing bad with that by the way, but I think most that will read action/battle like story might expect a different style of art. Still not suggesting for you to change art style, this one was more of an opinion.

I would consider using variety of line thickness, usually the outline of character and important thing is thicker, the inside lines a bit less to distinguish and create some depth. This will also help with distinguishing the background and characters, more so giving your comic is in a grayscale format.

Giving that I am loving the variety of backgrounds and the variety of perspectives views, it feel likes we are indeed moving around the city towards a location.

Another tip is regarding battle and movement, try to use more speedlines to created the illusion of movement and to bring attention to a special place (say when throwing a punch, highlight the punch being thrown, etc).

-Writting-

I like the flow of text you have, is easy to follow what is suppose to be next that you read (natural order). This are the first chapters so a lot of text is normal to created the setting, lore and of course to get to know the characters. You didn't overwhelm with text as you space it out well, so continue doing that. Your font selection is also good, is easy to read!

-Paneling-

I like the amount of panels you have, I would space them out a bit more (at least the one below as the one that are more continuation like from the last are perfect side to side). This gives them a bit of breathing room and is easier to focus on each one when reading and will allow you to control the speech bubbles a bit better.

-Story-

I am liking the setting and world building the first two chapter introduce as well as the undermine parts of creo people being seeing as 'bad' but not said outright. Great first battle to give a glimpse about the powers and why some people can become valkyries. Is just starting out so not much that can be said, but it has a promising start and interesting lore around it :smiley:

Hope to keep seeing more and keep the good work!

Mine is really long, one page short of 400. If that's too long then you can try review the later parts (maybe part 6 or 7).

While you're not requiring a review back, I won't feel right if it's just me on the receiving end. Since you're gonna learn about my characters if you review it, then I can ask them to do their own reviews for your comic. It will be a lot different to usual reviews and if you did learn about my characters then their review will make sense. ^u^

Here is it!

-Art-

I see your art is constantly evolving chapter by chapter in a good way and of course you use a lot of different style depending on what is been address. Love the contrast of grey dark on the big brother as if carrying a huge problem and constant worry to the color fill little brother without a care in the world (even when he had a troubled childhood). This contrast is nice, as well as the part on the 'nightmare' like feel in the last two chapters.

I am not sure on the lines sometimes, they feel incomplete while other they are complete in the same frame, so can't put it as it being part of the different art style. I think completed lines would work best, but otherwise really interesting and good style.

-Writing-

I normally say to use font...but the hand writing like style actually works the best with your story and art. A plus that is easy to read as well actually. I like how easy is to follow the text and there isn't an over abundance of text either. They are straight to the point even when the subject matter is actually quite heavy you let the art 'speak' the rest of the details which is really good.

-Paneling-

This all close up panels work giving the story actually, I haven't seen a none tense moment so having all the panels so close to each other or there actually being no gap work in giving a 'no breathing' feeling cause of all the tension.

If there is ever a non tense more normal moment I would suggest spacing those panels out to keep the tension feeling for when those tense moments return.

-Story-

This is a rather heavy story with a lot...a LOT of under tone spread around. You are managing this perfectly with the variety of colors (completely grey for past), color for the little brother, grayish colors for the brother and his worries. Is great to use the art itself to help the story and not just use text. I would try to add some more normal moments in between instead of constant tension/worry/problem to make them feel more impactful in the long run.

Hope to see more as it actually pretty great overall. As for in return, check out my comic and comment would be more than enough :smiley: (no need to review).

Thank you very much for the review! I had to commute to work so I will read this again over lunch.

-Lee

I'll check the first 2 episodes and then the last 5 just to compare and review it that way!

-Art-

Quite the improvement in art, lines are more smooth and colors are better. The first chapters look a bit blocky (as if upload was hurt by compression or something). The last one are great in that department. I like the variety of characters and the different angles used constanly.

I went and check a 'racing' one since is one of the important part and...I would use speedlines instead of blur effect for moment. I like the trail effect in some of the panels...but I would suggest checking some of 'Initial D' for how movement of races is done there. Use the street and trees to give a feeling of movement and speelines, blur sometimes doesn't work.

-Writing-

I read various one to see the style among other things. I like the font you use and you have the correct amount of text (love the 'dream one with the whole 'Did I pee myself' thing...which we all know what really happen xP). I can't comment much here since I haven't read everything. One thing I notice from random picking is that I never see someone explain rules, concept among other things to help reader (and new readers) understand more the racing aspect. I know most of the things, but some people might not know what a lap run is or pole-position.

I did like the one where the explain the car change among other things, more little details like that help new readers that like the drama get in touch with the racing aspect might help.

-Story-

I can't comment much here since I haven't read it fully, but what I read I like the school of racing aspect and I see you have quite the cast of characters and their interactions with each other.

Thank you so much! You’re review is very helpful, and I really appreciate it! I’ll check out your comic when my break comes up.

Okay, was able to get some time to fully read your review.
Your advice is really helpful - especially in regards to the art.

I'll try to apply your tips about varying the thickness of the lineart and adding more speedlines, etc and focus on applying those to the next chapter. Action scenes are still pretty hard for me to storyboard and draw, but I'm sure I'll improve there as well.

Thanks again for taking the time to review; after I finish a few more chapters I'd like to get your input again.

-Lee

Sure, let me know then and I'll give you an updated view then :slight_smile:

well, I don't want to be rude by only asking for a review so I'll review your comic first.

Art: I did notice that the art has improved quite a bit, however the thing that threw me off were the proportions. I could be wrong, but it seems like you don't really draw bases before drawing people (no offense). the arms also change length quite a bit, and the characters look pretty stiff. on the other hand, the lineart has gotten a lot cleaner and smoother, and the color and shading is well done.
Writing: ok, so there's a lot if typos in the dialogue. you should probably proofread that. otherwise, the scripting is pretty good
Paneling: I don't have anything to say about the paneling other that it's really good. I also like how the speech bubbles go out if it.
Story: the writing for your comic is clear and not confusing, and it wasn't boring either. I'd say the plot is good as well.

ok, sorry that was so long. I'd appreciate it if you reviewed my comic :slight_smile:

I have a review for you!

Art: Wonderful improvement of line quality as the series moves on. The color palette and background quality are also improving. Keep it up! If you want to improve further, I’d recommend some figure drawing practice with people in person, quickposes.com, or even screencaps from movies/TV. This will help you loosen up your poses for a more natural feel, and make it easier for you to handle poses with irregular motions or perspectives.

Writing (+Story): You have no shortage of effective gags. However, I sometimes have trouble understanding them. Having someone proofread, or having a spellchecker review your scripts will help with both comprehensibility and professionalism.
(P.S. Think about what’s keeping your readers hooked! What motive do they have to return to read the next page? Place that carefully so that it’s timed close to the “page turn,” and people can’t help but go on)

Paneling: Your panel compositions have improved greatly since your first page, especially your handling of complex dialogue. As many artists caution, I will as well: make sure none of your curves are tangent to your straight lines, especially the panel borders. Your text is well-wrapped within the balloons, but I think it would benefit you to close your gutters just a little, so you can have more space to work.

Here’s my (infant) series. If you have any advice, I’d love to hear it!

Thank you and happy improvement!