Salutations!
Well, just by reading the scene itself outside of it's context, I really can't feel emotions for it at a first glance. This isn't something that's a problem for you alone, however, I think if anyone (no matter who) just gave you a couple of pages outside of their context it'd be hard to really feel something for a scene unless you understood the character motivations. I can't start in the middle of a Hellboy comic and be on anybody's side until I know what's going on, haha.
That being said, that's why I took a look at your comic as a whole to determine what was happening and how these characters know each other. I like that you try to keep your exposition short and happening within a conversation between two characters, rather than one character getting all the lines and the other just standing around. This is a good writing tool and shows how characters interact so, I like that you did that. Now, after I read your comic I can't say I feel I know these guys yet, it's a little early in the game but I have an idea of all their personalities and that's a good start.
I have a few cautions for you. The first and biggest of these is: Spellcheck. I've noticed there are words that are run together or spelled incorrectly. It's really easy to miss them (especially because in a lot of art programs they don't spell check, so you have to run your dialogue through a program that does first) so it's not the worst thing in the world, but it is distracting from your narrative so I'd double check spelling with another program before putting in your dialogue.
The second: Backgrounds. I'm having a hard time telling where everyone is in relation to the village, each other, or even if they're in the forest. Now, backgrounds are hard as hell when it comes to consistency and I know from personal experience just how much time they can take up. However, they can also make or break your scene entirely. If I don't know where things are happening, I lose the sense of atmosphere that backgrounds bring and thus any emotions that backgrounds bring up (because, you wouldn't believe it but, holy hell does a good back ground make the emotion that much more intense). My best recommendation is to study landscapes, buildings, cities, villages, you name it. A good back ground can make the audience feel like part of the adventure and as such, latch on to your environment and associate emotions with it. This will really help bolster your narrative.
And three is the narrative: I think you've started a story that's going to turn out fun and interesting! It's such an intriguing idea that everyone remains young and so they do as youth is want to do, tame their world. Plus, Tír na nÓg is incredible mythology about the land of the dead (Otherworld) so the potential that you've carved for yourself here is endless! I think you'll make something great out of this, I really do. The cautions I have for you here are: Caricatures versus characters and figure drawing.
Caricatures: Gull. He comes off as a Caricature almost immediately. Now, I don't really know what the all around ages are here though it feels like you're dealing with younger characters in the age span of 11 to 16, possibly? I know it's a land of youths but I don't know exactly how young so, that's one question I do have for the series: What is the youth range. Returning to my point: I don't know how old Gull is, but he talks like someone who is imitating something they thought looked cool on TV. I have no idea what being taller than someone has to do with being a better fighter or better at anything, (Jet Li is shorter than I am and he could wipe the floor with me after he's done wiping the floor with me. Lol) and in this world thus far there isn't an established context as to why being taller is better. It's just something he says that doesn't really make sense. Now if it turns out Nuru is smaller than average and it's something he's picked on for, that's another thing. As of right now though, I haven't been introduced to that kind of context.
Gull just shows up and starts beating up Nuru out of the blue and taking the scene itself, it feels like it was just to make him a one note "I'm going to be your rival only to get out classed in short order once you get your power/weapon/specialty" trope. Now, I know that for a lot of readers this isn't actually a bad story arc for them. The good guy needs a bad guy to measure up to or measure against. For me, personally, it puts me off. I suppose it's because I already know where that kind of story goes so even if it's not headed there, I feel it is, so I am brought out of the scene. That being said, I'm sure we'll see more context behind him and Gull so, I won't say that it's absolutely heading there, but I just wanted to give you insight on what a reader might find in the scene that could potentially be off putting and could downplay the emotions in the scene.
The last bit I have for you is: Figure drawing. I think you've got some intriguing character designs and you're very clear with each one, I know who everybody is just at first sight and they don't all have the same face or the same look on their face every time I see them. This is great! It means that I don't have to forget who someone is or think he's someone else because I can't tell them apart. You've dressed them all differently, given them different hair styles and it really works for your comic. You've also only introduced a hand full of characters to start with, so I don't have the "Character soup" problem. This is awesome and it makes your narrative flow so much easier to follow when you have a hand full of characters versus a landslide full, haha.
Really the only bit about figure drawing is just improving proportions and angles. You've got some difficult angles to tackle and I think you've done pretty well considering how hard some of them are to get right. I think studying proportions will really give you an edge. The emotion of a scene not only is conveyed by atmosphere, but very much by the motion of a character, his mannerisms, body language. Sometimes you don't even need dialogue in a scene if you're telling the story with the character's expressions. So I'd just study some proportions and figures whenever you can to help bolster your roster of skills. It'll only help to bring the feeling of a scene into full color. (No pun intended that you're working in grays, I swear XD )
To this end, shading is a huge help (especially if you're working in grayscale.) Shading can be the difference between your characters popping off the page, or feeling flat. That being said, all this stuff is just practice that you're going to get in anyway so don't worry, it'll all come with time and dedication! I hope I've been helpful and I really encourage you to keep going because I think you've got a story here that will really blossom as you continue. I wish you all the best with your work! (Also, if you made it all the way to the end of this novella, congrats! XD )
