Salutations! Well I checked out your paragraph and some of the feedback you received so far and I figured I'd expound on a few things.
To start, I noticed that while Passive Voice was addressed, I wanted to expand on some of the examples so that, when you're in your editing process it'll be easier to see when it happens. Passive Voice comes out in a lot of ways, the first is use of adverbs (-ly words). Adverbs DO have a place but often they just become extra words that are unnecessary or simplify a description or a scene to the point that the reader is not as invested, and can drop you out of Active Voice which is where you feel most of the action. I'll make an example using your text to show you how this happens.
Original: With pipe planted firmly in the corner of his mouth and newspaper crinkled in hand, the master of the Rosenthal Estate briskly walked the corridors of his home. Noises heard from the hollow walls surrounding his study spooked him into returning to his bedroom, but unfortunately, the noises followed him.
Example: With pipe clutched in his teeth and newspaper crinkled in hand, the master of the Rosenthal Estate walked the corridors in brisk anxiety. Noises trailed him from the hollow walls of his study, tingling up his spine spurring his legs to a jog.
Unnecessary words clutter up your narrative and often times, words ending in -ly are extra. They also do something else: They slow down narrative flow. This means that it takes longer to say "he walked down the hall" if it becomes "He slyly shambled down the dimly lit hallway" and descriptions, though important, don't need to be overly embellished so as to keep your pace punchy. This then wont: A. Break the reader's suspension of disbelief and B. Feel like they're jogging in place narrative wise. So while it's IS very important to set the scene, the details need to do that plus keep the story moving.
There are other words that can cause you to suffer from Passive Voice and a few that you do have in your paragraph (and some of the hardest ones to catch before the editing process) are: was, seemed, but, had, of, and were. The reason why this is, is because everything becomes distant again with the overuse of "was" in one of your best descriptive moments (the oncoming storm). If you keep saying "-it was cold outside. It was dark, it was rainy, it was eerie." Pretty soon not only is your narrative feeling distant again, you have the problem of the reader noticing how many times you use it. You also run the risk of telling instead of showing. Using longer, more complex sentences can fix this problem and using different words or sentence order can put you right as rain (no pun intended, I swear!). I'll make an example so you can see what I mean for this one as well!
Original:The sky was dark; the moon was new and invisible. The clouds were heavy, but it was not storming. . . yet.
Edited: The low hanging clouds rumbled neath a new moon threatening rain.
In one sentence I was able to say the same thing that you did, and use more descriptive language that also sets a tone using these words: rumbled and threatening. I was also able to make the description of clouds underneath a full moon so the image comes to mind as well as involve the storm that was yet to come. Taking out unnecessary words unclutters the narrative and makes it flow better for a reader. It also keeps the reader in the action with the narrative, instead of distancing them from it. Remember, it's not about quantity of words, it's about quality and arrangement. Now, to this end I'll address the other words which can be qualified as filter words. Particularly: seemed, only and we'll include "were" down here.
These are not terrible words, mind you, but you have to take care not to accidentally overuse them or you'll end up in Passive Voice territory again. If you use "were" too much, you suffer the same trouble as using "was" too much: you distance the reader from the action. (Only also falls into this category) Now, that's not to say you can never use was or were. It's to make you aware of how they can negatively impact a manuscript if overly applied. Just take care to re-check sentences and decide if the word is necessary or, if you take the word out, how could you re-structure the sentence without it's use, and would it still make sense. These are things to consider when editing so you get a crisp flowing narrative. Seemed can also become a filter word that is used in lieu of better description and I'll make an example so you can see what I mean.
Original: The other end of the hall seemed an eternity away, especially now that the noises had stopped from behind the walls, making the master all the more nervous.
Example: The disturbed walls stilled, the end of the hall an eternity away. The master gnawed his pipe bit, for though he could see his windows shudder against the wind, not a sound echoed through the corridor.
Now I know I did change a lot with this one, but I'll explain. First I did get rid of "seemed", and decided instead to re-order the sentence into one that included sensory information (or in The Master's case, lack thereof) so that the audience could feel the scene. I also replaced "making the master all the more nervous". The reason I did this, was due to "Show don't Tell" which, in this case, I showed by having him gnaw on his pipe. People nervously chew on things all the time and by using this form of expression, you show the audience a personal quirk of your character AND that he's nervous, which (if you're making a whodunnit or an investigative piece) can be useful knowledge to include, if it turns out he also chewed pens and you find a chewed one later in some suspicious guy's office. (Of course I'm not saying use that bit exactly but, little details like this can work great in regards to setup)
With regards to the last three words I haven't addressed: had, of, but. These guys are tricky because you need them a lot but they can also slow you down. Particularly "Had" among these three. They can slow down your narrative, become repetitive, and the worst part is it's really hard to catch! But now that you're onto them, you'll see them every time. Though there will be times when they are useful, if you feel you're seeing too many instances of these three words you might rework your sentence and see how it feels (keeping Active Voice in mind). Now, with Active Voice in mind, I'll edit the last bit of your paragraph so you can see how what I've discussed here combines.
Original: He quickened his pace but only made it halfway down the hall before a lightning bolt flashed outside and he saw the shadow of his murderer. He reached for the double barrel shotgun that hung between the only two rooms in this hall, but it was too late. The master’s screams of agony were upstaged by the thunder claps that broke forth from the heavy clouds. Rain began pouring down like blood from the master’s arteries and the calm before the storm had ended.
Edited: At the first clap of thunder and flash of lightning he jolted down the hall, sighting the mounted double-barreled shotgun. His hands were upon the butt of the gun when the lightning flashed again, another shadow joined his against the wall. The master’s agonized shrieks swallowed by the roar of thunder; a slow patter of rain muffled the murderer's footsteps, followed by a downpour that couldn't cleanse the blood.
In this instance I wanted to keep the scene in motion. This pace also does another thing: it adds intensity for the Master and his killer. The killer can see him going for the gun, the Master does know he's being pursued but doesn't know from where, the killer has to be quick and take the Master down before he turns the tide on his assailant. Having them meet at the moment the Master gets his hand on the gun, could speak to the kind of killer that we're dealing with.
The shadow appears a second before the Master is killed, what skill allowed this person to travel between shafts of light and darkness deft enough to kill their target in bad weather conditions, with a weapon on the field, and in poor lighting? You can use this scene to build a profile of the killer simply by how you portray the action and you don't have to add extra details or paragraphs describing killer motive, you can just use the paragraph itself.
Phew okay, that's a lot. Normally I give this long form of crit for whole posts or novel sections but, I figured since you were just getting started, these tips could be handy when you enter your editing process. Don't worry! Every story in the history of writing has needed editing and sometimes well into fifth drafts! I'd actually be interested in seeing what you've got, because I love whodunnits, supernatural or otherwise, solving crimes, getting to the bottom of mysteries, the works. I can tell from reading what you posted so far that you have your own narrative voice and I've no doubt you'll make that come through and create something fascinating. It'll be a fun ride!
